Saturday, May 31, 2008

Round 1,170 goes to...Ryan!

Yesterday was supposed to be the end our of our school year, and we were supposed to have a fun celebration dinner last night, after all of which I was supposed to have written a victorious post here celebrating the completion of our year.



But yesterday was one of the days on which Ryan literally woke up screaming at me. Do you ever wonder if some days your children have it out for you - if they just really want to see how much you can take from them and still love them unconditionally? :-) Ryan, a classic spirited child, has those kinds of days often, and yesterday was definitely one of them. He was screaming because he could not have any of his immediate requests - "requests" like, "I want ice cream for breakfast" - and he did not like any of my alternative suggestions. We eventually reached a compromise, but it was a temporary one, as this kind of scenario repeated itself throughout the day, and all we accomplished as far as school was one history coloring page. We had arranged a park playdate for late in the morning, and by the time we were ready to leave, the house was a disasterous mess. As a homeschooling mom and an adherent to attachment parenting, I am supposed to relax about this and let it all go... but all the same, it WOULD have been good to have a feeling of order and accomplishment to my morning. If not, an more satisfying trade-off would have been the knowledge that I spent some priceless moments with my children, and not, as it happened on the morning in question, that Ryan screamed at me, opposed my every wish and instruction, and fought everyone else over everything they had at any given moment... also that, taking advantage of my being distracted by dealing with one child, Chase climbed all over the furniture to his constant possible peril (but great personal delight), and the older ones did pretty much whatever they pleased, relieved that they had escaped from any unpleasantries such as school or chores. But on to the park we went, and I was hoping the fresh air and change of scenery would do everyone some good. Ryan, however, continued to push the boundaries there a little, and then even more so again when we returned home. I didn't feel I was completely at a loss, mind you, but just the doing in dealing with a day (and a person!) like this is exhausting, and by late afternoon I had to retreat to the bathroom to have a good cry. This actually had some therapuetic effect, but I was still ready to hand everyone off to Dave when he arrived home from work later. As I was trying to explain our day and mentioning that Ryan's behaviour had been so extreme that I had been driven to tears, Dave replied in some bewilderment, "How could he make you cry?" I decided he didn't have to understand exactly how a preschooler could drive his mother to tears, as long as he just kept said preschooler outside while I went in to make dinner.

So if it were a battle, this round, on Day 1, 170 of Ryan's life, went to Ryan. But as it's not a battle, I did tell Ryan I loved him oh, so much, as Dave carried him off to bed later, and I then recovered my strength for the next day. I also reaffirmed my determination to avoid making parenting Ryan a power struggle - mostly because if I did that, he would almost always win! He is such a strong, intense soul, and it cannot be that it is my job to "break his will", as I have often heard expressed as a parenting goal. I know that his will must be bent toward that of his Creator, but I don't believe that's my job. I can only imagine the raised eyebrows at church if I said that out loud! :-) But I'll clarify - I do believe I must show him the Way, that I must teach him and guide him, giving him bounadaries to discipline his heart, mind, and body, and allowing him to feel natural consequences of poor choices - as well as the happy consequences of right ones. But if I make it MY goal, rather than the Lord's, to capture his heart, I run the huge risk of failing. If it becomes a struggle between my will and his, I will be constantly frustrated and possibly very dissapointed in the end. And I think it might shut doors of communication between us, even causing resentment in him and thus ultimately making him more likely to turn from the very Path to which we strive to draw him.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Brothers

Last night before bedtime Dave took a trip to the store for a couple things we needed, and he took Chase along with me. When they returned, Chase had, to his obvious delight, a small beach ball, and he was almost instantly surrounded by his brothers the instant Dave put him down. Now, Drew and Ryan, as you can imagine, own countless balls, so Dave didn't feel at all bad about warning them to back off - the ball (very likely just from the free toy bin at the check-out) was Chase's only. Ryan, however - as you could probably also imagine - took no heed of this, and gleefully snatched the ball, at which Chase screamed in protest. It's a trademark sound that means "Ryan did it." :-) We instructed Ryan to give Chase the ball, which after a little parental persuasion, he did. This scene repeated itself at least two more times, screams included, as we carried the groceries to the kitchen, but as we were unloading the bags, Ryan lost interest in the ball - that is, until Chase walked up behind Ryan and began hitting him with the ball! "Do you see this?" I asked Dave incredulously (why I should have been incredulous, I don't know, as this sort of thing happens frequently). "He's practically asking for it!" Sure enough, this renewed Ryan's diabolical interest in the ball, and the snatching scenario began all over again. This time Drew thought he would take up Chase's cause, taking the ball from Ryan, who then let out the offended sibling shriek, and giving it to Chase. We redirected Drew, but not before Ryan had dissolved into a very loud heap of distressed three year-old and was asking for a particular form of maternal comfort. It was bedtime, after all, so I agreed, which immediately set off Chase's radar, and he, of course, felt he desperately needed the exact same thing. As I cared for one and held off the other as he climbed all over his brother in attempts to pry him from the coveted place, I wondered at this somewhat enigmatic brother relationship - the same relationship that bonds them so tightly that in the morning they'll be delighted to see each other, telling each other how much they love each other and giving enthusiastic hugs...which will turn into death sqeezes, followed by more screams...Maybe that's the brothers best like to say, "I love you." :-)

And where's the sister in all of this? In her room probably, occasionally emerging to implore us to "PLEASE keep the boys out of here!." When I was growing up, my sisters and I always wanted a brother. I think Aimee having her fill of brothers, would likely think us crazy for having such a wish, but I know, too, that she loves the ones she has...as long as they STAY OUT of her room!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Extended Movie Review

Yesterday my mom sisters, nephew, and neice all came down for an early Memorial Day weekend cook-out - after, I should add, our family had to back out of a trip up their way (Rock Hill, SC) for several reasons. I felt badlly about the fact that they were all compelled to come here, but it was good to see everyone, especially since my youngest sister has just returned from school in New York and is going to Cambodia this week for the summer. After enjoying a great dinner together, we gathered all the kids, along with some necessary supplies (i.e. blankets and a cooler, but not, as we realized later to our discomfort, jackets and slighly warmer clothing!) and everyone piled in two cars (minus one sister and neice, who returned home) to drive down to the "Big Mo," a drive-in movie theatre near here. Dave had heard earlier in the week that they were showing Prince Caspian, and we thought it would be a fun family outing, as well as the only way we were all going to get to go to a movie together. It was a little farther out than we had thought, but still only about thirty minutes away, and it was an exciting adventure. We sprawled on lawn chairs and blankets, and the movie began at dark, right about the time Chase was getting a little tired and fussy. A couple of nursing sessions, though, had him sleeping somewhere before the halfway mark, though, and everyone else - including Ryan - made it the entire movie.

So as to the movie - we all enjoyed it immensely, though those who were most familiar with the book were a little confused at times. Aimee observed that they omitted the part in the book with Susan, Lucy, and Aslan joining in a celebration of sorts with some of the more fanciful Narnian creatures, and she felt that "alot of the rest of the story was rooted to that part, " so it was rather a mistake to leave it out. :-) She also wondered why the "colors were all gray, instead of bright like they were in in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." I supposed the LWW does take place in something like the classical days of Narnia, as opposed to the more medieval feel of the Prince Caspian days, and the two movies do a good job of expressing that with the difference in "colors." But Prince Caspian the book has more light and shade, I feel, than the movie captures. The movie focuses primarily on the dark harshness of the Telmarines, and, as another review I read stated, felt almost like "Tolkien lite." It was indeed a bit more violent than I probably would have wanted Ryan to see, had I known, and the hag in one of the scenes was very scary. Also, Aimee noted that in the book, the hag and the werewolf did not actually bring up the White Witch - in the movie the WW simply served as an exciting theatrical display, which Drew appreciated because it provided a dramatic moment with a sword, but which Aimee and I didn't think was necessary at all to the story. The hints of romance between Susan and the Prince cheapened the story at times and were unneccesary as well, but I believe the movie represents the Pevensie children as slightly older than the book does, and I suppose I can give the movie some slack for needing to appeal to a broader audience than simply the C.S. Lewis faithful. For all that, it was an exciting movie - and when it comes out on DVD I imagine we will probably own it in short order. I do give credit to an excellent Reepicheep, thrilling battle scenes (important to the boys!), and a moving conclusion, which promised more Narnia in the future.
I do not, however, understand the study guides which have come out for the movie; in my opinion - and I know I risk offending some of you, so I stress again that it's just my opinion! - there is nothing spiritually valuable to study about the movie. The LWW, of course, weaves a rich and beautiful analogy that the movie version actually retells fairly well. The Prince Caspian book contains a very worthwhile picture of several different expressions of faith - the childlike, almost perfect fastness of Lucy's faith (in which there are even more dimensions to consider), the solid, humble faith of the redeemed Edmund, Peter's realization (and then humble turning, which leades to his final growing up of sorts) that what he takes for faith at first is simply bravery and trust in himself, and Susan's often wavering faith that is hindered by the cares of "practical" things. There's much more of course, but in short, what emerges in the movie is an extremely watered-down represesntation of the that aspect of the story. So watch and enjoy the movie, by all means, but my humble (I've used that word three times now in the space of a few lines!) suggestion is to take it as a good movie and leave it at that. We Christians want to make everything C.S. Lewis a deep spiritual lesson, and in this case, it's simply not there.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Another Official Milestone

Desperately needing the constant encouragement, I had written some verses on the whiteboard in the kitchen the other day, and this morning, Drew read one to me, with only a little prompting at the last word:

"With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies."

He's an official reader!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

More Growing Up

After I posted that link I realized that, as the Library Elf (thanks, Hannah!) had informed me over the weekend, that I had library books to renew, so I logged on to the library site and quickly renewed the books. Chase meanwhile had wandered into the living room, where the kids were watching a movie for quiet time - and where I presumed he wouldn't get into any trouble for thirty seconds. But when I went to get him, he was, to my great surprise, sitting in one of the captain's chairs at the dining room table. I was surprised both because he had not previously been able to get up on any of the chairs, as well as because the chair was so close to the table there was no way he could have climbed into it. I took him out and put him on the ground, wondering aloud how he did it. At that, he proceeded to show me, climbing up another chair, clambering from there onto the table, and walking to the end of the table toward the chair he had been sitting in, and in which he would have climbed down into if I hadn't recovered from my astonishment and picked him up again. I was laughing, but more a little alarmed that he can now climb to such heights!

Awesome story!

This is amazing!

http://yesboleh.blogspot.com/2008/05/chinese-policewoman-helps-quake-effort.html

Monday, May 19, 2008

Growing Up

Well, it seems to be official - Ryan is POTTY-TRAINED! And before I could escort him to some secluded bushes or trees, he even demonstrated his new skills to all the parents, grandparents, and friends cheering on the teams at the tee-ball fields tonight. :-)

Later, when we were wrapping up a great evening together as a family (which had included dinner in the tree-fort for the kids, and lots of hysterical laughter over a game with a soccer ball and the trampoline), Ryan told me that he loved me. I had him repeat it, then tell Dave the same thing. "Did you hear that, Dave?" I asked. "He doesn't wuv us anymore!" We had him say it several more times, until he lapsed into saying, "I wuv you" again, but I know he's gradually conquering those "l" and "r" sounds. Funny how we can worry vaguely about whether or not he'll eventually say them, then when he does, we want the little Ryan back!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

A Scare

I was making dinner last night when I realized I didn't know where Chase was, so I began calling him just to check in (it had only been a few minutes since I had seen him, so don't think me too negligent!). Dave was in the house, and it would often be a safe bet that Chase was with him, but this time he wasn't, and so Dave casuaully began peeking in some of Chase's usual hiding spots, with no result. We have a relatively small house, and so it was only another couple seconds before we both became very alarmed, and with the same thought, we both dashed frantically out the front door - to discover Chase calmly "watering" the shrubs with the hose. The front door doesn't always catch properly, and while I am usually sure to lock it, it seems it was unlocked this time, and Chase had figured out how to hold it open and get out with very little commotion. We thanked God he had been distracted by the hose, because he loves to head full tilt for the road every time we're in the front yard.

It reminds me of the time quite a few years ago when my youngest sister - also the fourth baby - was about Chase's age. We were all outside and my mom had to go in for something. The details are fuzzy, of course, so I don't know if she asked the older ones to watch Erica or if she just assumed we would. I was about 11, I guess, so I probably should have been up to the task however it was given. Anyway, when Mom came back out Erica was missing, and we began searching for her, as my mom, I can only imagine, eyed the very busy road just a couple houses away. After some time, our dog Sparky began trying to get our attention, and in desperation, we followed him. Sure enough, he led us several houses away, to where Erica was sitting placidly on a neighbors' back porch. Sparky was SUCH a great dog! And of course we're thankful, too, that Erica never wandered into harm's way. :-)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

How They've Grown!

Remember those tiny pink rabbit babies I showed you on a recent post? Well, here they are several weeks later:

We had an adventure with the darker gray one yesterday: the kids had been holding it, along with its mother and littermate, and then had assured me they had closed everything up when they were done. A couple hours later, however, they came running inside shouting that there was a baby rabbit on the loose. Sure enough, I went outside to see that every once in awhile, that little bunny was hopping out from under the barn, then dashing back underneath whenever anyone ventured near. I resisted the impulse to tell them that they should have been more careful closing up the cage, and after some patient waiting with a net, I caught the escapee and put him back in his casge, discovering as I did so that he had escaped through the hole made for the feeder - the feeder I had removed and hadn't put back on. Good thing I hadn't blamed the kids!

Friday, May 9, 2008

Tact

Today my mom had a conversation with Drew that must have been about her age (a manners infraction itself that I guess we should work on!) because at one point he said to her encouragingly, "Hey, Grandmama, only [correct double-digit number] until you're 70!"

Thinking about it reminded me of two other instances where more tact could have been in order, one that just happened yesterday as I was having my hair cut. There were several breaches of politeness during the haircut, actually, but the best one was when she finished and said with a sigh, "Well, the back looks good, anyway." She did get a tip, though, for having asked if I was a student. :-)

The other instance happened a few weeks after Chase was born and we were all in the car headed for church. I said half-glumly, half-teasingly to Dave, "Will you still love me if I never get back to a size [what I was previous to...well, Ryan's birth...]?" There was an uncomfortable pause before he replied - was that nervously? - " Don't worry, honey, you'll get back to [said size]." NOT the correct answer!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

An Adventure in Tee-Ball

Well, I was going to fix the "friends and neighbors" post Ryan so thoughtfully finished and published for me, but this is much more interesting:



We have finished the soccer season, now tee-ball has begun. This time only Drew is doing it (in the hopes that we can finally get Aimee going in the horseback riding lessons that have been so ridiculously difficult to procure so far), but they have practices twice a week, so it's just as fun as soccer with two! At any rate, I knew we had practice last night at 5:30, and with the soccer season experience under my belt perhaps I should have been preparing for it all afternoon, but instead I thought an hour's preparation should do it...At 4:20 I gave a fifteen-minute warning to Drew and his friend from next door, who were playing legos on the kitchen table. They looked at me, but it was doubtful that anything actually registered. Then my mom called and we talked for a "few" minutes while I watched the little boys play -i.e., splash in the water table and raid the dog food - in the backyard. At 4:45 I hung up and began a mad dash to make up for lost time (especially since I was definitely not dressed to go anywhere), but the potty-training Ryan immediately informed me that there had been an...um, accident. Hey, no problem, especially since we were outside, and I cleaned him up in short order. I had to use the hose, though, for part of the clean-up (not on him!), and when I was finished, Ryan (mostly naked now), wanted to help. I let him while I gathered up my things to take inside, including the wipes and a couple bags from the clean-up. I had only taken in some books, however - and told Drew and his friend it was definitely time to be done! - when Chase began to cry, both because was wet as well as because he wanted the hose, so I went back outside, turned the hose off, and tried to get both boys inside. At that, Ryan became extremely upset - so mild a term for the storm that is an unhappy Ryan! - and very difficult to handle, but I manuevered him inside, along with a wet and also-crying Chase. I began sorting through a basket of clean clothes in the laundry area to look for some clean clothes for Chase, and Ryan began asking for chocolate milk. He had already had some, and I was really too busy anyway, so I offered some other options, at which he threw his cup at me. Time-out. More clothes searching, and LOTS more crying, from both sides of the room, as Chase continued to wail at me as well. Drew's friend finally went home, and I directed Drew to get ready for tee-ball. Now if he can make it from one end of our small house to the other without getting distracted, we're doing great, so sending him on a task this size is doubtful, but this time he did mange to change clothes and begin thinking about finding his glove. At the mention of the glove, Ryan, released from time-out, began to "ask" for a glove to take. We do have two, thankfully, and they had been seen together earlier in the day, but no one could remember where, of course, so I instructed Drew to go look as I herded the little boys to the back to get them dressed. I dressed Chase (he and Ryan were both still screaming) then had to grab something from the front of the house, when I glanced at the back door and realized I had forgotten to bring in the bags of dirty things. I went out to get them and saw that Daisy (the dog) had torn up both bags, as well as the bag of wipes, and scattered all contents under the trampoline. I told her in no uncertain terms how I felt about her, as Drew bemoaned to me that he still couldn't find the gloves. I asked him to help me keep an eye on the still-crying Chase while I cleaned up the mess under the trampoline, and after doing so, we all went inside again, found the gloves quite by accident as we passed by them, and went to put some clothes on Ryan. We discovered him, however, asleep on the hope chest in my bedroom - still, of course, naked! I called Dave and asked him if might be home in time to take Drew, but he didn't think he would make it time. I told him what was going on and that we would probably be late, if we could make it at all. He started laughing and I told him I would talk to him later. :-) I calmed Chase down, got dressed, then dressed Ryan, avoiding his kicking feet (he was not thrilled about being roused, as you can imagine). I grabbed the diaper back, the gloves, a ball, and the three boys and got them into the car fairly smoothly, then dashed across the street to fetch Aimee from her friend's house. All secured in the car, we saw we were not too late, and so we made our way to the Y, which is only a couple miles away, fortunately. Unfortunately, it seems most of Lexingon County enrolled kids in tee-ball and baseball, and all the teams practice on the same nights, so we had to park as far away as we possibily could have. I pushed Chase in the stroller and carried Ryan on my back, but had still missed half the practice by the time we made it to the field. That was really a blessing in itself, though, because Aimee was bored (bored, bored, bored, bored, and bored...oh, and hungry, too...), and Ryan and Chase were absolutely determined to go anywhere but the nice green patch of field I had parked us in. We were all hungry and tired as we marched back to the car, but when we got in, Ryan still wanted to push some buttons...He climed in, tucked himself in a corner of the car and refused to get in his seat. In carefully measured tones, I offered a compromise, suggesting he sit in the booster seat we allow him to use for short distances, and he agreed to that. As soon as I started the car, however, he unbuckled, smiling smugly at me. Without a word, I opened the door, picked him before he could escape, and placed him in his usual carseat - buckling quickly! He thrashed and screamed the all the way home, and one of the other kids wondered aloud how I could be so callous to his suffering. Actually I thought being silent was as much empathy as I could muster. :-) Upon making it home I let Dave feed the older kids while I sat and nursed Chase, pretty much fried by that point. But we survived, and I'm sure we'll do it again before the season is over!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Friends and Neighbors

I haven't been able to post very frequently for a variety of reasons, two of which are that I haven't had much time for it and that my laptop - which freed me a little by virtue of its relative mobility - is waiting for a new battery and is out of commission in the meantime. But I've been wanting to post on this topic for some time now, and hopefully I have a few minutes now.

Since moving here, we have enjoyed living in a neighborhood, being closer to friends in general, and just being more a part of a community, but iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhgfr4xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx