"No Fair!"

In my humble and biased opinion, I have more than one good-looking child, and here's another of them. He has his own little quirks, some of which we understand and some, like in the picture to the left, are beyond our comprehension. He's not as wild as his younger brother, but there's certainly no mistaking the fact that he's about a million percent "boy." (My math-minded friends will hopefully excuse my shameless disregard for real math concepts.) He's also loving and helpful, when he wants to be, and can be extremely thoughtful and diligent in what he sets his mind to do.

But poor kid, if there was such a thing as luck, his would be of the decidedly bad variety. If there's something to trip over, he'll do it. If all the kids get a new toy, sure enough, his will be the one to break. If it can be lost, he'll loose it - forever. Point in case - for his birthday he got a nifty Lego set, and the very next day, he came to me saying (in something closer to a wail, actually) that he couldn't find the figures that went with it. "I'm sure we'll find it, Ryan," I insisted, but after looking in every possible location we could think of - under the couch and under the beds, in every nook and cranny that came to mind, even in the trash cans - I finally had to agree with him that it seemed he was the first person ever to really and truly have something disappear into thin air.

So perhaps it's this tendency that's led to his adoption of a new motto, or perhaps, as Dave insists from time to time, it's being "neglected" as a middle child - which I also insist is not remotely true. In any case, a new motto he has, and it's "No fair!" I can't count how many times a day we hear this, and frankly, I don't really have a solution for it, even though it distresses me to see him so distressed over the perceived injustices of life. Some may be real, and I do my best to help him through those, others... He's always had a bit of a tendency to ask the questions that will get a "no" answer. I've wondered if he does this on purpose, if it's some kind of twisted game mean to drive me out of my mind. When he was younger, he would wake up asking if he could have cookies for breakfast. What about popsicles? Ice cream? ANYTHING AT ALL THAT'S NOT A BREAKFAST FOOD???!!! PLEASE??? One way I got around this was to make him juice popsicles in ice cube trays, just so I could finally say, "Yes, you CAN have popsicles for breakfast!" and that seemed to help a bit. He also seemed to grow out of his intense need for whatever he didn't have, but he seems to have regressed a bit. It doesn't matter what he has or does, it's always the thing he doesn't have or isn't doing that he absolutely must have, and somehow I come across as the kill-joy. This morning he woke up with bounce-off-the-wall energy, asking for breakfast, and I rolled out of bed bleary-eyed and make pancakes with him first thing. His mouth still crammed with pancake, he asked if he could ride his bike on our cul-de-sac, to which request I said yes. Then he wanted his new shoes which were still in the car, and said yes, he could get them. But could he go see if his friends around the corner could play? No, it's too early. Could he watch TV? No, the remote downstairs wasn't working, and people upstairs were still sleeping. Could he, could he, could he....???? and he started to dissolve into unhappiness. "It's no fair!" I sighed and wondered if a little perspective about the good things he did get to do so far was too much to ask. Judging from his reaction, I gathered it was.


Add his siblings and "no fair" is almost like a reflex.

"He gets a bigger piece than me? No fair!"

"He gets the blue plate? No fair!"

"You gave him his drink first [a whole millisecond before mine]? No fair!"

"Why does he get to go over to a friend's house and I don't? No fair!"

"He'll get to do two fun things and I'll only get to do one? [Ryan keeps a record of these kinds of things.] No fair!"

Last night he walked into my room, where Drew and I were, and he said, "So what is HE getting to do NOW that's NOT FAIR?"

Talks about things gratitude and enjoying the things you have without worrying about everyone else are completely lost on him. He also seems to not hear me when I remind him of the time a couple weeks ago when he went with me to run some errands, and we had lunch out together, something no one else got to do. ("So see? Sometimes you get to do things they don't, and sometimes they do things you don't, but it's ok!" Nope. "But it's" - you guessed it - "no fair!") When last night Aimee went over to a friend's house to spend the night, he launched into yet another "no fair" session. "What?! She gets to go over to Hope's house and watch a movie and have fun? And all we get to do is be BORED and go to bed? No fair!" (Incidentally, I had never said this was the plan...) I tried a couple of different tactics here, including asking him if he really wanted to do exactly the same things as Aimee was going to do. Did he really want to have a night of giggling and playing Barbies? (Shh - don't tell Aimee I let it slip that she still does these things!) But he was determined that he was getting cheated somehow. Finally I just asked him what he thought would make the night "fair." He sniffed and said, "If we got to watch a movie, too." Easy enough. Let's do it. FAIR! So maybe there's a solution to some of these times - maybe getting him to express himself and form reasonable requests will help a bit. But there's also probably just the reality that learning to deal with life means learning to deal with things that aren't "fair." Then again, maybe it's also true that the ability to see injustice - everywhere and in everything - means that one day he'll be able to see injustice in the lives of others, and he'll have a heart for seeking to correct those things.

Whatever the case, it may drive me crazy right now, but I think he'll grow out of it...and he's still awfully cute! Shh - don't tell him that! He likes to think he's too old for that kind of thing.

The "Devil Angel" :-)

"He's such a beautiful kid," a friend at the park observed recently, and it's not the first time someone has noted the striking good looks of our fourth child. And if I do say so myself, he is, in fact, just a gorgeous child, in all his blond-haired, blue eyed, golden-skinned, long-lashed glory. Positively angelic. In the metaphoric sense understood by popular thinking, of course, not in the actual sense of drop-to-ones-knee in-fear-and awe before a majestic heavenly being.

The latter sense may actually be more accurate in his case, however. My mother, in a very nice way, once remarked in amazement that he's like a "devil angel." So sweet to look at, and sometimes so absolutely charming...and other times just as devilish as you can imagine (and more!). The day I originally came up with this post, he had, among other things, emptied his drawers of all his clothes, thrown paper all over his room (and then cut much of it up into pieces), bit Scarlett for no apparent reason, put chocolate chips in our coin jar (after stealing the chocolate chips in the first place, and eating a fair number first), raided his older sister's room, and taken off on his bike around the corner to the neighbor's house without my knowledge (thankfully I generally know where to look for him when he can't be found, and this is one of the likely places). That was all in the morning. Other favorite activities are painting the walls (every once in awhile I come across a work of art previously undiscovered), locking all the bathroom doors (he thinks it's very funny when one of his siblings really has to go), and playing with the hose in the backyard - and just try to go get it from him! He also likes to wake Scarlett up from her naps, and when I go in to discover this, he looks at me with those huge blue eyes and insists it wasn't his fault. "Maybe she scratched herself," he'll offer, and plant an enormous and enthusiastic kiss on her cheek, which she accepts delightedly, because despite his wont for mayhem, he can also be most charming. To Scarlett he is (usually) exceptionally attentive and sweet. Even with his other siblings, he can be a terror, then suddenly turn around and do something thoughtful and kind. (Still, they've learned it's best to step lightly around Chase and not make him angry!) He likes to help, and in fact making sure he has meaningful jobs to do is one way of keeping him out of trouble, and when he wants to be, he can be incredibly loving. He likes to do things for other people, and in fact, recently, he put concerted effort and thought into drawing pictures for some relatives. For my grandmother, for example, he drew a very nice tiger - finished off with violent red scrawls to indicate that "he's being attacked. Make sure you write that, Mom."

He's wild and unpredictable. He's loud - so very, very loud. He's a daredevil. He pushes every last limit and boundary we set for him. Nothing about parenting Chase is easy. But yes, he's also just so awfully handsome, and one of his beaming smiles, especially with the way his eyes crinkle into those adorable half-moons, is worth it all.

Finishing What You Start

Once when my sisters and I were young and being homeschooled, my mom started to read us a fairy tale called The Red Shoes. This, I think, was our first taste of the truth that the orginal versions of fairy tales are certainly not for the faint of heart. We read about the girl whose vanity led her to be forced (by an angel, no less) to dance continually in a pair of red shoes, and we paled in horror when she had an excutioner cut off her feet, in an attempt to escape her punishment. Alas, her feet just kept dancing away, and did so in front of her. My mom said, "This is awful...but we started it, and we should finish." And so we did, all the way to the end, where the girl is at last granted mercy, and her heart bursts with joy and gratitude. No, literally. Her heart bursts, and she dies. So there, vain children everywhere...beware!

Every once in awhile, we like to tease my Mom about this, asking her if she remembers The Red Shoes, because she always says, "I'm so sorry! I don't know why I thought we just needed to finish that!" Don't worry, Mom, none of us suffered any lasting damage, and finishing what you start is a good principle. But I think there can be exceptions, and The Red Shoes probably was one. More recently, the kids and I started Incident on Hawk's Hill, which sounded like it would be a pretty interesting story, based on true events, about a boy who is lost on the Canadian prarie for two or three months and is cared for by a badger. We made it about halfway through, when one night I skimmed ahead a bit to see if it would get...let's put this politely... slightly more exciting. Thus far it had been alternating between the badger's backstory and the boy's, and at the end of each chapter, I had been saying, "I think they'll meet in the next chapter! Won't that be interesting?" trying to pump up the non-existent enthusiasm of my listeners. So upon reading further after the kids had gone to bed that particular night, I discovered that the boy and the badger finally did meet, and that it really was fascinating how the badger provided for the boy. However, I should have thought about how that would happen, because the boy's fare under the badgers provision consisted of raw meat and eggs..in fairly graphic detail.

So I decided then that while usually it's best to start what you finish, but sometimes it's not a bad idea just to summarize. The next day I told the kids that hooray! - not only did the book have a happy ending, which I briefly outlined for them, but that we didn't have to read it anymore. They were finally excited!

Social Butterflies...and The Eggs from Which They Didn't Hatch

My friend Lisa recently posted on the oft-discussed topic of socialization. It seems so odd to me that this is still an issue for people, but I can attest that it's a question still asked of homeschoolers. And it's been answered by more than one generation of homeschoolers by now. It's not a problem! Yes, there are some socially awkward homeschoolers, just as there are plenty of socially awkward people from all kinds of educational backgrounds, but for the most part, homeschoolers don't have any trouble interacting with society. I was in a group once in which someone gave their opinion that homeschooling was great for some children, but absolutely wrong for others. The example she gave to back this up was of a bright and friendly student whose parents decided to homeschool her, but when the woman saw her again a year later (on one occasion) she was withdrawn. Ipso facto, homeschooling causes social butterflies to wither away, right?

So as my friend noted, children in homeschool families can in fact still be very social, and I can back her up on that. Unless they're holed up in the house 24/7 (which would be virtually no mother's choice, I can assure you), those social butterflies find people to engage in conversation. That has never worried me, nor does it surprise me now. What does sometimes amaze me - in a reassuring sort of way- is the way kids' personalities are such strong forces all the way around that they shine through even when they're mothered and taught by someone with a very different sort of personality. I used to worry a little that my more reserved (and some might say, almost reclusive) personality would affect my children's social life. I've worried at times that my fears and inhibitions would transfer to my kids. I definitely didn't know what would come of suffering from a severe anxiety episode and (diagnosed after the fact) postpartum depression for the entire first year, and more, of my fourth child's life. While I know that stress can affect the whole family, it's been a relief to realize that my children are their own souls entirely. Their personalities are amazingly resilient, and I've loved watching them blossom as unique individuals.

I am decidedly introverted, confrontation-shy, and non thrill-seeking. I've come to embrace those things as just who I am, instead of apologizing for them. By the way, world of extroverts, it's so unfair to keep telling those introverts to be something they're not. They can't "lighten up" or just "have more fun." They don't want to! They thrive in different ways, and that's ok. At the same time, it delights me that my oldest daughter, who is like me in many ways, is just the opposite as far as the traits I described. She likes being around people, even if she doesn't know them all. When she had an issue with a couple of her friends not too long ago, and just talked to them frankly but kindly (I think) about it, she was positively inspiring. She went to King's Island yesterday and rode every just about single jaw-dropping, turn-upside down in every-which-way kind of ride they had. Drew is quieter (and shares my feelings about roller coasters), but has the neatest ability to strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. And tell them everything about just about everything. There isn't a shy or inhibited bone in his body, I think. At the fourth of July parade, he began talking easily with the couple next to us, who had two dogs with them. He talked with them almost the whole time we were there, about all kinds of things. One of the dogs was a therapy dog, so he started telling them everything he knew about how petting dogs can relieve stress. The man was some kind of scientist, which led Drew to mention that hydrogen was lighter than helium, and he and the man talked about the Zeppelin for a while. I have no idea how he knew either one of those facts...or how talking with complete strangers comes so naturally to him. Ryan and Chase, for that matter, are no less at ease talking with anyone they come across, grown-ups and children alike. And Chase, for the record, emerged from that first year of his life unscathed. When I was pregnant with Scarlett, my midwife would often shake her head and laugh when she saw him, saying that she didn't think he would ever have any psychological hang-ups. From his emotions to feats of daring, he holds nothing back, and he shows no signs of having absorbed any of that anxiety I experienced when he was a baby.

I guess it's possible to alter a child's personality, to warp or stunt it, but I think that's very hard. I think it would involve much, much more than just being a different kind of person as their parent, or even being that person and keeping them home. In fact, with no offense to anyone who uses brick-and-mortar type of schools, it seems to me it would be harder to give children opportunities to let those personalities develop in such a one-size-fits-all environment, with interactions limited to a select few adults, and only a group of peers. So perhaps the socialization question is more of an issue for those families than for us (and I know there are families who do it well, so that's not a criticism). We get to watch our kids interact with us, each other, and all aspects of the great big world day to day, and we get to see them do it in ways we couldn't have planned or imagined. We celebrate each different facet of each personality, sometimes relating to a particular facet, and sometimes marvelling at uniqueness. Sometimes we know what to expect, but most of the time we're just hanging on for the ride!

A Day of Rest. Sort of.

First, three things:

1. Saturday is still the Sabbath, not Sunday.

2. We do traditionally observe a day of rest on Sunday, not because of the Law (as per point #1, the true Sabbath would still be Saturday, anyway) but to observe the Lord's Day (although obviously, all days are his), and "anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his." (Hebrews 4 10). We don't follow any strict or particular rules about this day - we just set it aside in a general way.

3. Whatever the case, it's just really nice to have a day to rest and relax, to recharge for the week ahead.

Now just to get the kids on board. Have you ever noticed that kids don't "relax" well? It's taken us some time and many a frustrating Sunday to understand this fully and to relinquish the idea of a completely "do-nothing" sort of day. In the first place, they still need to be fed and cared for, and obviously the younger they are, the more of this needs to be done. Second, they still generate the same amount of mess on a Sunday as they do on any other day of the week, and the mess generated by a houseful of children (especially boys) is like a living thing - if you don't keep up with it, it will rise up and devour you. Try sitting around all Sunday and leaving it to its own devices. It gets very, very ugly. Third, kids seem to interpret "doing nothing" as boredom, and bored kids don't do much towards a peaceful day. In fact, a Sunday in which church only fills the morning (i.e. no evening services of any kind) can get rather long, leaving the parents of five young children more tired than when they started the weekend and maybe even eager for Monday. So over time we've finally figured out that a "day of rest" has to mean something a little different than...well, than an actual day of rest. This past Sunday we had some success in navigating through the day and turning it into a peacful day, if not one of complete relaxation. (Ahhh...maybe one day!) Here's what we did:

We went to church, including Sunday School, in the morning. I probably embarrased Dave by nursing Scarlett during our first time at the class for our age (which we fit into technically, but the jury is still out on whether we still count as "young marrieds" when we can't even remember what life was like when it was just the two of us!). At least I kept her from doing the nursing gymanstics that are her wont these days! At any rate, we went to the service after that, but I left with Scarlett even before the singing was over when she starting getting fussy, and while I was with her in the nursery, I saw Dave walk by with Chase, who was in a funk that started when Ryan wasn't allowed to go into his class with him that morning (he usually is). We didn't blame Chase for being upset, and even if we had, there's little one can do with him when he's angry and feeling uncooperative. Scarlett and I joined them in the hall, where Dave offered to watch both kids so that I could sit in the service. A few minutes later, I thought I heard Scarlett crying, and then Chase came through the double doors, whispering loudly, "Mom, Scarlett needs you! She has a dirty diaper!" After I went out and took care of that, the four of us were sitting in the hallway, and I suggested we just call it a morning at that point, so we gathered the rest of the kids and went home a little early.

We had lunch, and Scarlett settled down for a short nap, then Dave took the boys to the Y to swim. This sounds easy enough, but it was preceded by about an hour of, "Get your bathing suits," "I can't FIND my bathing suit!" "Where are the towels? Do we have any clean towels in the house at all?"...until they finally made it, and enjoyed about an hour there. Scarlett woke up just before they left, but we still had a girls' quiet time at home. We played a little, and made some homemade granola bars for an afternoon snack (subsituting peanut butter for the honey, and adding chocolate chips). When the boys got home, we all went out to the backyard, where Scarlett enjoyed a dip in her kiddie pool, I sat down with a book (which I hastily put away in a safe place after Chase dumped a bucket of water in my lap!), and Dave and the other kids played corn hole on the set Dave made. (This also sounds easy enough, but with a fiercely competitive oldest child, a second child who does his best to hold his own, and two younger boys who like to play by their own rules, this can get interesting. And sometimes loud.) Afterwards, we moved back inside, where Dave and the kids watched some baseball, and Scarlett and I entertained ourselves in various ways until it was time for dinner. After dinner clean-up we decided to go for a bike ride. Upon arriving home and realizing it wasn't too far from bedtime, Dave and I congratulated ourselves for having survived another Sunday, and all in a relatively pleasant way.

So what do you do to make your Sunday a good one?

Going Against the Flow...As Usual!

So let's get controversial today! Just for fun.

We have almost always struggled with the idea of age-segregated worship in church (or, for that matter, strict age segregation anywhere), and it's been on my mind even more recently. A few weeks ago, I watched Divided, a documentary on the subject that is decidedly anti- age segregation. Now, I will say that I think I'm not convinced that age-segregation is the cause of kids abandoning the church and the faith, but I think it runs parallel to the problem and is a reflection of what's going on. I'm also not (yet) convinced enough to make a decision on churches based solely on how they view this issue. Even the fact that I lean heavily toward the family integration side doesn't mean that I believe in throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, and getting rid of all children's and youth programs. I think kids do enjoy spending some time with their peers, doing activities as an age group, and that's probably true the older they are.

But occasionally the issue resurfaces to the forefront of my thinking, and these are the problems with which I grapple:

1. It seems that the first thing age segregation does is to began to tug at family relationships and roles, causing uncertainty and, ultimately, division. Once a program is in place for children and youth, it's decidedly more convenient if everyone goes where they're supposed to go. If there's a relationship, for instance, in which a baby or young child is not ready to be separated from the mother, this is a problem for the system. The mother feels uncomfortable taking the baby along with her, or in going along with the baby, and people in either situation are not quite sure what to do with the pair. Purely hypothetical scenario, of course... As children get older, the system tends to subtly usurp some parental roles and responsibility, rather than to focus on assisting the whole family spiritually.

2. Age segregation doesn't take into account anything but age. It doesn't take into account maturity levels, siblings and other family dynamics, or anything but...age! Since homeschooling generally relies more heavily on those other factors, rather than age, this puts us slightly against the flow. (So what's new?!)

3. Age segregation, along with segregating by life stages or any similar grouping, can perpetuate the generation gap(s). How can we learn from each other, if we're never together?

But, even as I say this, I don't have the solution. And just because I have these concerns doesn't mean I'm for or against any side (although, again, I have strong leanings in particular areas). So, simply for the sake of good discussion, of gleaning good ideas and encouragement from both sides of the topic, I'm curious to hear respectful and carefully phrased thoughts on this subject. Any takers?

It's All Good. Still.

When I've been pregnant with each of my children, we've speculated about what they were going to look like. After four blond-haired, blue-eyed children, each with a stamp of dominant family genes that marks them unmistakeably as siblings, we laughed when this question came up the fifth time. We thought it was pretty obvious what she was going to look like - but then she was born, and some of her physical characteristics took us a bit by surprise, and, in fact, even concerned her doctors to some degree. Then it became apparent that she wasn't even going to be a blond-haired, blue-eyed Meester baby, but a brown-haired, brown-eyed one. She was different than the baby I expected...and in the course of her first year, I realized that I loved her not only despite of those differences, but actually for everything she is and for the way God made her. In March I posted about my journey towards that realization.

In that post, I explained that when she was seven months old, she was tested for a particular condition that might explain some of her differences. We had come to terms with the idea that she probably had it, and that it was really ok, that it didn't matter as far as our love and acceptance of her. And then it turned out that she didn't have it after all, which was cause for celebration for us. Still, in the back of my mind, there lingered questions about why she might have some characteristics that were so different that what I had seen in my other children. And as she grew, and in fact grew in a completely different pattern than the others had, those questions persisted. Still faced with a collection of these things, along with her very petite size, we agreed with her pediatrician that perhaps we should do a more thorough test that might be able to find even the smallest abnormalities. We had the blood drawn last month, and I waited for the results with little anxiety, but still with a feeling that there would be something, even if it was just a slight deviation.

When the results came in, they showed that at least as far as her chromosomes go, she is completely normal!

I admit that even in my happiness, I was a little surprised, because that means I am left with still not knowing why she has some traits that are so different from her siblings. But more importantly, I am left with a smart, happy, and loving brown-eyed beauty, and as I process these latest results, I just have to smile and accept, hopefully towards the betterment of my mothering, that I won't always be able to understand everything about my children, and that they may deviate from - and exceed - my expectations.

Aimee, for instance, is taller and longer-limbed than I was at her age. She is also fearless and spirited. She loves rollercoasters...and I don't know where that came from!

Drew has a math mind, which certainly didn't come from me! He likes facts and trivia, and aways surprises me with what's going on in his mind. The possibilities for his future intrigue me.

Ryan likes details, and he likes to collect (i.e. hoard!) all kinds of things that I often think aren't worth much...but he has sensitivities and insights that amaze me.

Chase - who, by the way, has two webbed toes on each foot, and who knows which distant ancestor he inherited that from! - is a fascinating, infuriating, exciting, and exhausting mix of a mischeivous daredevil with a charming soft heart. I never know what's around the corner for him, even from day to day!

And Scarlett. Scarlett, who is so much smaller than my other four kids, and who is built a little differently in some ways. Scarlett who gives us such joy each day that it makes my heart ache sometimes. Scarlett who loves life, and only knows that she's happy to live it, not that there might be things about herself and her life that perhaps can't be explained. Perhaps they'll create challenges for her...but perhaps they won't. Maybe as she grows they'll become less of an issue. And even if they don't, it's quite likely she'll surprise me with how she'll deal with them.

She's not me, after all. She's not simply the product of my expectations, and none of my kids are. It's always fun to see things in them that I know came from me, that I can understand. But it's also amazing, stretching, deepening, to see those things that I can only say come from Him, and for reasons only He knows at present. It's humbling to give my kids to Him - over and over - and to trust Him for their future, and to thank Him for who they are, and everything they are, in the here and now.

Science, Spelling, and the Odds and Ends!

Science
For Science, we just began using the God's Design series from Answers in Genesis last year, and I really like it. It follows the same four year-cycle as recommended by The Well-Trained Mind, so last year (our ancient history year), we did God's Design for Life, and we're still finishing that up, since I refuse to leave things unfinished just because we're moving up a grade. We have plenty of time to "catch up," if we need to. The series includes fun worksheets and activities, and less fun tests (but Aimee, again, likes this kind of thing, so I have her do them, even if just in open-book style). Most recently, we studied the blood, and we did the recommended activity in which we made "sample" blood. It served its purpose remarkably well, since the kids still talk about it, and remember all the parts of the blood. Still, though, science isn't a consistent thing here. I try to do it about twice a week, but if things get busy, it's one of the first things to go. But at this point in the kids' education, I'm not too worried about formal science study. I think that at this point, they get plenty of what they need to know from observation of the world around them and from the extensive reading they do.

Spelling

We use the Spelling Workout series, and Aimee, being the workbook kind of girl she is, just goes through the books at her leisure (and since it's less demanding than any other subject, it's one of the first things she'll pick if she gets a chance!). She does formal "spelling" about four days a week, for around 15 minutes a day. I have no complaints about her spelling in any of her writing, so I never give her tests. Because of Drew's aversion to workbooks, I can't just hand him the book . Usually I just call out the words from a list and have them spell them aloud, and if we get to a list in which the spelling rule proves a little tricky for him, I have him do one or two activities from that chapter. I've been blessed with good spellers so far, so spelling is not much of an issue here. I've noticed, too, that they've often been able to spell just a hair before they acquired fluent reading skills, and that's been true of Ryan as well. So during spelling bees, I also have him spell words that I know are in his range.

As for the "odds and ends," they range from the occasional the field trip to the co-op we'll be joining this fall. I'm excited about the latter, because it will give us regular interaction with local homeschoolers, and allow the kids to have some learning time away from me, which for certain of them seems important (and I don't take it personally!). Most of all, though, I don't think I could emphasize enough the fact that what we do here isn't just school done at home. For various reasons, public and private school classes are conducted in particular ways that don't have to translate into the homeschool setting. So if we have our impromptu spelling bees in the car on the way to a LLL meeting, spelling is done for the day (especially if we're so engrossed in what we're doing that I miss the exit and get to our destination 20 minutes late!). For that matter, if the kids are working on some side project concerning Star Wars or Percy Jackson, and I find papers ALL OVER THEIR ROOMS, with writing all over it in perfectly good spelling, I can skip certain spelling lessons altogether. I can do tests with those kids who like that kind of measuring stick, but I don't have to do "assessments" in math, because I'm assessing them as we go. And I don't have to worry if my eight year-old can't sit still. I know that eventually, he'll be able to sit. As we go through our day and learn the basic skills of respect, timeliness, and thoroughness in all kinds of areas, eventually, he'll be able to put that all together and apply it to whatever task is at hand, including tests in college. Or not. Maybe college isn't for him. But it doesn't matter - what I'm raising my kids for is not to do brilliantly in the best college, or to enter the workforce as a compliant worker. For the record, I think that if college is an option when they reach that age, they probably will go, and they'll do just fine, but I'm more concerned with living and learning in the moment with what God gave us, in the unique gifts he's given each personality.

Math, Music, Reading...

Math
For Math we continue our love-hate relationship with Saxon Math, and I simply adjust it for the needs of the child. Aimee is capable of doing things closest to the way they're "supposed" to be done, although I do allow her to do only half of the "mixed practice" (odd number problems one day, even the next). Otherwise math could take up a ridiculous amount of time. That's the case with the earlier Saxon courses, too. Math 1 makes me laugh sometimes, as if I'm actually going to have even one child call out the time on the hour, every hour, and then do a "meeting," then a fact sheet, then an entire lesson. So I do an extremely customized version of Saxon - which basically amounts to going though the workbooks. I hardly ever consult the teacher's manual anymore, except on occasion to make sure there isn't a skill we might have missed (there usually isn't). Ryan is finishing up Math 1, and Chase, by his own request, is beginning Math 1, and is doing it well. We don't make a big deal of it - he just asks to do a page when everyone else is doing math, and by jiminy, he does it! He likes to make a big to-do over it, though, sighing and exclaiming, "I'm just terrible at Math. Argh!", but ignoring me when I remind him that he doesn't actually have to do it. Very funny. But anyway, back to the higher grades - Aimee is finishing up Saxon 65, which she began last year, and Drew is about halfway through 54. 54, however, requires the student to copy the problems down on his own piece of paper before working through them, and that's just too much for the highly distractible person Drew is. He doesn't have any trouble with the math itself, but would never get it done if I handed him the book and told him to do a lesson. So I do most of it by reading it to him, and having him tell me the answers aloud (since I am far from a math person, it always impresses me that he can do it this way!), and when I do want him to work through problems, I give them to him on a separate piece of paper.

Music

Aimee, thanks to some 11th-hour negotiating, is continuing her piano study, still under my instructions, since we're still too poor to afford outside lessons. But given the chance and the resources, I'll take her somewhere in a heartbeat. She's reasonably talented, and I think she could flourish under someone else's tutelage. Drew is still doing violin, although his attention issues are sometimes a barrier to pleasant lessons and practice. And he needs a new violin, but, alas, this is also outside the budget at the moment. Ryan has asked to begin lessons, so when we can remember to do it, I give him a lesson. We also listen to music and talk about composers and instruments, all usually in an informal way.

Reading
Let's see...we do a lot of it! The kids go through their own "fun" reading choices, which are usually just fine in themselves, but sometimes I'll ask them to read a specific book I want to make sure they cover. If I want them to read something for history or science, all I usually have to do is put it in the library basket, and it gets read! Something I would like to work on this year is having them do more writing from our reading selections. We definitely don't always do the pages for the "reading notebook" they're supposed to be keeping, according to The Well-Trained Mind - in fact, we rarely do them,although I feel like they can write (or narrate) reasonably well when I do have a chance to ask them do it, so I think we're ok there. Also we seem to have one continuous book club going on in our house, where books are always being discussed, I have no doubts that they comprehend what they're reading and can articulate about it quiet well. Very well. Over and over. And over. And over. You get the point. For those who are just learning to read, we are working through The Phonics Museum from Veritas Press. It was a worthwhile investment, as Ryan is now the third person to have achieved reading skills through it, and Chase has just begun to work through it. I know Susan Wise-Bauer doesn't particularly like reading programs like this, and frankly, I don't think all the activities are necessary, but, rebel that I am, I still like it! I think it's quite clear by this point that I like following general guidelines, but follow almost nothing by the book!

The Lost Art of Communing

Once or twice a week, the kids go for the entire morning to a recreation program at a local park. It's fun. It's free. It's for all four older kids, who go and stay quite happily, playing games like Capture the Flag, and doing crafts. It's a no-brainer. Usually Scarlett and I enjoy the quiet at home, where she often takes a nap, and I spend a couple hours cleaning. At this point in my life, a couple hours of uninterrupted cleaning is like a gift, and I feel almost giddy with the peaceful freedom of it.

But it's still just cleaning.

I've thought about how I would like to just sit and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee instead, but every morning, there are dirty dishes staring at me, and umpteen loads of laundry calling my name, so I've never quite gotten around to spending one of these park mornings relaxing. Until today, that is, when a friend brought over her new baby, and no one had to twist my arm to leave the breakfast dishes in the dining room and just sit. We chatted. We laughed. I sighed over her sweet newborn boy as he nuzzled against her chest, or nursed contentedly, and she laughed as she watched my one year-old baby demonstrate her upside-down nursing skills, or babble and giggle. We shared funny stories and serious ones, commiserated with each other about motherhood, and communed as women.

I don't know about everyone else, but I hardly ever drop everything and spend two hours just visiting, just being. I suspect this is a lost art in the whole of our society, which is sad, because on a personal level, I wish it were more a part of my life. Today I found it restful for the body and refreshing for the soul, and I hope my friend heeds an open invitation to bring herself and her darling baby over anytime she likes!

Grammar, History, and Latin

Grammar

Since I've already posted recently about how we typically do grammar, I won't dwell too much on it now. Drew and Ryan are both officially working their way through their respective levels of First Language Lessons, which I use mostly as a guide for what they should be studying at a given time. Aimee, who worked through the series in a more by-the-book way (which style she prefers), is now doing Rod and Staff's Following the Plan. She began level 5 late in our previous school year, so she's still finishing the book as we began this school year. I really love this grammar program, finding it very thorough and rather exacting. Aimee, of course, dislikes it for all the reasons I love it. But since I don't think it's at all too difficult for someone who reads on a 12th grade reading level (at least), and since it seems to jive with her learning style, I choose to overlook her objections - lovingly, of course. I think the only way she would enjoy grammar (or admit to enjoying it - frankly sometimes I wonder if some of our difficulties over this subject are all part of a grand charade, but that's another post entirely) is if it didn't exist as a subject at all. I, for one, like grammar, and have always liked things like diagramming. I do - so there!

History

We tend to build much of the rest of our learning around our history study, as it's one of our collective favorite subjects, and can encompass reading and writing (and therefore all the other language arts), art, and even things like science. For our history study, we use The Story of the World as our "spine," as well as The Kingfisher History Encyclopedia, and then, of course, we do all kinds of reading from whole books on whatever part of history we're studying. Now, I admit that when we first began going through The Story of the World, I was surprised that it was not based more strongly on a Christian perspective. Based on what I had thought I knew about its author, I would have expected some parts of it to be a little different. But that being said, I also know that if I try to find curriculum that lines up exactly with my convictions, I will have to look for a very long time. I could probably something that I might like better, but at this point, since I have all the books and activity books as well, I am (again - since I think this has come up before) too cheap to do a curriculum overhaul. So as I do with the rest of our books, I take what I can from what I have, and make whatever adjustments I see fit. That's also why I do a select few of the activities in the activity books, but snicker - nay, guffaw - when I see things like "Making a Sand-Cube Pyramid." Sand, glue...three boys...nope, not happening. So I use the activity book, as well as the Veritas Press and Sonlight catalogs, for reading suggestions and for other ideas that can help us in our history study. In the past few weeks, we've been doing a review of last year's study of ancient times, even doing some of the activities we didn't have a chance to do during our crazy year (except for the sand-cube pyramid!). This week we'll move on to the Middle Ages, which is what we'll be doing for the rest of the school year.

Latin (and other Languages)
"It is the parent or teacher who occasionally struggles with this course. But if you discipline your mind to master this material, then your child will master it also. If you do not have the discipline to really learn Latin, then your child will not have the example he needs" from Latina Christiana Book 1 Teacher's Manual (p. 71)

G U I L T

Here's the truth of the matter. Aimee knows more Latin then I do. I know I need to have some idea of what she's doing, but -perhaps unfairly - I do expect her to learn some vocabulary lists, when I know I don't have to memorize them all myself. And then sometimes when I realize that we haven't had covered something as thoroughly as we should have so that she can do a particular section of her workbook, I let her use the teacher's manual. My goal for the kids in their Latin studies is not for them to have a complete mastery of Latin (although they can pursue that if they wish), but just to have a basic understanding of it, as well as a boost for understanding vocabulary and language in general. Aimee is just wrapping up Latina Christiana 1 (we've been doing for some time, but have had to start and stop several times because of everything going on), and Drew is just beginning it this year. For Drew, though, I allow him do most of the workbook orally. At this point in his life I don't see a need to make his education long and tedious simply because he has a hard time focusing in front of pencil and paper. If he can tell me the answers out loud in 10 minutes, whereas it might take him an hour or more to get something done on paper, I almost always prefer it that way.

In the "other languages" category, we're all using Rosetta Stone Homeschool this year, and loving it. Aimee has wanted to learn Spanish for a long time, but I have some background in French, so this year I decided just to get both. Aimee is plowing away diligently at Spanish - she loves getting on the computer and going through the lessons at her own pace, and she's doing very well at it. Drew is learning French (and I'm going through it as well, to refresh my memory), and even the little boys occasionally get on and do a little of either language. We love, love, love this!

Art, Bible, and Cursive

You didn't ask for it, but I thought I would break down by subject what we're doing for school so far this year.

Art

I've listed Drawing with Children on our curriculum lists for the past few years, but that's usually a technicality. We often start on it, and love the results, but never make it past the first few chapters. With all due respect for Ms. Mona Brooks, I don't quite believe that just anyone can draw if they just have the right attitude, and therefore I don't believe just anyone can teach drawing. I don't know what she means sometimes when she refers to "One hour of instruction." What kind of instruction? Be more specific please!" When she is more specific, we do just fine, but as my kids have pointed out, we've drawn that darn lion about a million times now. We've been able to use some of her general techniques for drawing from graphics, but we tend to get frustrated and give up when we get to other chapters. I haven't given up on it completely, and I still officially include it in our curriculum, but this summer we started out with something else. I've also had How to Teach Art to Children for a few years, and we've done a few things from it, but have never worked through it as systematically as I hope to this year. So far it's been a fun and relatively easy way to say we've done art for the day, and the kids have had some neat results from some of their projects. One of the last ones they did dealt with shape, in which they used paper shapes to make a design on a piece of paper, and then they had to draw the design they made on another piece of paper. When we looked at some of the finished products, I told the boys their pictures looked - in a good way! - like something Picasso might have painted, so then we looked up that artist and his works in one of my favorite finds for the school year (and probably beyond): Art: 2, 500 Works from Cave to Contemporary. I bought it because it was recommended by Veritas Press, and while I'm a little surprised they didn't include a disclaimer about some of the artwork, I love this book, and I love that I found it for a really great price on Amazon.com. We've used it quite a bit already, often in conjunction with history, since it presents artists and their art in chronological fashion. All told, we do some form of "art" about 3 times a week. We probably won't be able to maintain that kind of frequency, but we're going to run with what works for as long as it does!

Ryan, by the way, did not take being compared with Picasso as a compliment. Oops.

Bible

This is the year I finally bought the Bible cards from Veritas Press, after having meant to for a long time, and I really love them. We've always done Bible stories and other Bible readings, but I've wanted to make sure we were getting a solid base of Biblical history and events, so I'm glad we're finally doing these. The set comes with a CD-ROM, which includes worksheets for each card, and some of the kids have enjoyed doing those, although I don't require them for everyone. The important thing is that two or three times a week, usually over dinner, we read a card, ask the review questions, and put it up on our dining room wall, which, along with alphabet cards and various artwork, is gradually starting to look like the dining room of the Cheaper by the Dozen family (the father of which taught his children Morse code by scribbling messages all over the dining room walls - a homeschooler at heart, if not in exact practice!). At any rate, we also try to read a Proverb a day, Bible stories at night, and I've also printed out various verses about loving one another in various locations around the house. Not very subtle, I know! I'm probably most excited, though, about the venture my older kids will likely get to experience this fall in Bible quizzing. There's not a good link for this, and it's hard to summarize, but suffice it to say that this year they will be learning large portions of Hebrews and 1 and 2 Peter (for my quizzing friends - it's not the whole thing, because they'll be doing junior quizzing), then meeting with other quizzers once a month for fun competition. I did it for three years as a high schooler (and I did Hebrews one year!), and it was truly one of the best things I ever did.

And one more...

Cursive

We use Classically Cursive, and Drew just began learning it at the end of last year. It's not his favorite subject by any means, so I keep his practice at it very short. Aimee does about 10-15 minutes a day, and I've begun to ask her to do at least some of her writing for other subjects in cursive. I've seen and heard from various sources about how cursive is considered obsolete in some areas and is no longer taught. Personally, although I'm not a stickler for perfect handwriting, I think it's still a good discipline and will continue to insist on it. (I do, of course, also see the need for developing good typing and computer skills, so try to maintain a balance.) I'm curious to hear the thoughts of my fellow homeschoolers on this one, so what's your stance on the subject?