My friend Lisa recently posted on the oft-discussed topic of socialization. It seems so odd to me that this is still an issue for people, but I can attest that it's a question still asked of homeschoolers. And it's been answered by more than one generation of homeschoolers by now. It's not a problem! Yes, there are some socially awkward homeschoolers, just as there are plenty of socially awkward people from all kinds of educational backgrounds, but for the most part, homeschoolers don't have any trouble interacting with society. I was in a group once in which someone gave their opinion that homeschooling was great for some children, but absolutely wrong for others. The example she gave to back this up was of a bright and friendly student whose parents decided to homeschool her, but when the woman saw her again a year later (on one occasion) she was withdrawn. Ipso facto, homeschooling causes social butterflies to wither away, right?
So as my friend noted, children in homeschool families can in fact still be very social, and I can back her up on that. Unless they're holed up in the house 24/7 (which would be virtually no mother's choice, I can assure you), those social butterflies find people to engage in conversation. That has never worried me, nor does it surprise me now. What does sometimes amaze me - in a reassuring sort of way- is the way kids' personalities are such strong forces all the way around that they shine through even when they're mothered and taught by someone with a very different sort of personality. I used to worry a little that my more reserved (and some might say, almost reclusive) personality would affect my children's social life. I've worried at times that my fears and inhibitions would transfer to my kids. I definitely didn't know what would come of suffering from a severe anxiety episode and (diagnosed after the fact) postpartum depression for the entire first year, and more, of my fourth child's life. While I know that stress can affect the whole family, it's been a relief to realize that my children are their own souls entirely. Their personalities are amazingly resilient, and I've loved watching them blossom as unique individuals.
I am decidedly introverted, confrontation-shy, and non thrill-seeking. I've come to embrace those things as just who I am, instead of apologizing for them. By the way, world of extroverts, it's so unfair to keep telling those introverts to be something they're not. They can't "lighten up" or just "have more fun." They don't want to! They thrive in different ways, and that's ok. At the same time, it delights me that my oldest daughter, who is like me in many ways, is just the opposite as far as the traits I described. She likes being around people, even if she doesn't know them all. When she had an issue with a couple of her friends not too long ago, and just talked to them frankly but kindly (I think) about it, she was positively inspiring. She went to King's Island yesterday and rode every just about single jaw-dropping, turn-upside down in every-which-way kind of ride they had. Drew is quieter (and shares my feelings about roller coasters), but has the neatest ability to strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. And tell them everything about just about everything. There isn't a shy or inhibited bone in his body, I think. At the fourth of July parade, he began talking easily with the couple next to us, who had two dogs with them. He talked with them almost the whole time we were there, about all kinds of things. One of the dogs was a therapy dog, so he started telling them everything he knew about how petting dogs can relieve stress. The man was some kind of scientist, which led Drew to mention that hydrogen was lighter than helium, and he and the man talked about the Zeppelin for a while. I have no idea how he knew either one of those facts...or how talking with complete strangers comes so naturally to him. Ryan and Chase, for that matter, are no less at ease talking with anyone they come across, grown-ups and children alike. And Chase, for the record, emerged from that first year of his life unscathed. When I was pregnant with Scarlett, my midwife would often shake her head and laugh when she saw him, saying that she didn't think he would ever have any psychological hang-ups. From his emotions to feats of daring, he holds nothing back, and he shows no signs of having absorbed any of that anxiety I experienced when he was a baby.
I guess it's possible to alter a child's personality, to warp or stunt it, but I think that's very hard. I think it would involve much, much more than just being a different kind of person as their parent, or even being that person and keeping them home. In fact, with no offense to anyone who uses brick-and-mortar type of schools, it seems to me it would be harder to give children opportunities to let those personalities develop in such a one-size-fits-all environment, with interactions limited to a select few adults, and only a group of peers. So perhaps the socialization question is more of an issue for those families than for us (and I know there are families who do it well, so that's not a criticism). We get to watch our kids interact with us, each other, and all aspects of the great big world day to day, and we get to see them do it in ways we couldn't have planned or imagined. We celebrate each different facet of each personality, sometimes relating to a particular facet, and sometimes marvelling at uniqueness. Sometimes we know what to expect, but most of the time we're just hanging on for the ride!
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