A Thankgsgiving Photo Shoot

A pair of adorable babies! This is Chase with my neice Isabelle. I know I'm biased, but aren't they ridiculously cute? :-)







Sisters.. :-) From left to right, Sarah (mother of Tiernan and Isabelle), Erica ( wish she wasn't so gorgeous - or that I didn't have to pose right next to her!), me (I've had my hair lighter since the summer, but my grandmother thoughtfully asked if I had "brought out the hydrogen peroxide", so it must be time to go darker again!), and Mary K. (the cute newlywed)



The boys - Ryan, Tiernan, and Drew






With my mom

The Other Side of the Moon

...which is where it feels we've been these last two weeks! But here we are at last, and words really fail me. I praise the Lord for this time, and am so thankful for everyone's prayers and encouragement, but I'm also SO glad I don't have to talk about the house anymore!!!!! It was a wild ride to the very last possible minute (and even beyond, I discovered), and I have just gotten past feeling like I still have to look over my shoulder for someone coming to throw a wrench in the works. Ah, we're here, and I do love it. Unfortunately, Dave had to go out of town for a week just a couple days after we moved, and that was truly horrible (yes, I should have asked for some help, and I don't know why I'm so bad at that - I guess I'm out of practice!). The kids were like something off Supernanny, and in fact early in that week, Drew threw something at Aimee while they were fighting and hit the back of her head hard enough to require a trip to the doctor and one staple. Yikes! It was really uncharacteristic of Drew and he was very sorry later. The staple itself has turned into a nightmare, however. Aimee was upset about it having to come out, and trying to get it out at the doctor's office was so traumatic she woke up the next morning with burst blood vessels in one eye and in her face. It had ben an absolutely horrible experience, and while I'm not sure exactly what I should have done, in the week since I have really regretted not having been a better advocate for Aimee, and all the more so when I noticed a couple days later that the staple was still there. There's no way I'm taking her back to that office, but the staple has to come out, so my mom (a nurse) is coming tomorrow to try to remove it. So anyone reading tonight can pray for Aimee and that little staple.
There's just simply too much to say! I could never get it all down, but maybe I'll work on catching up now that we're back online. For now. though, I'm going to retire after a really exhausting day - a virus manifesting fever and aches has taken its turn through the kids, and today was Ryan's day. He's still feverish now and waking right this minute, so I'm off!

Refreshment

Well, we've had some restless moments this week when we all felt like we just wanted to be in a home of our own again, when I have felt like I couldn't stand another minute of uncertainty, or when the the kids have undoubtedly wondered if we are actually ever going to move ("soon" starts to lose its meaning after awhile!) - but I was just thinking tonight how we've really had a restful and refreshing several days here at my Mom's. No boxes, no pointless cleaning, no bored and destructive kids, and no super-stressed-out mommy! We are scheduled (again) to close tomorrow afternoon, and I'll have to deal with the boxes again, although things are a little better on the flip side, so this almost week-long break has been a blessing. The conference over the weekend was great, the time with my mom overall has been wonderful, and today we went to see some very good friends, enjoying a fantastic day with them. Lisa has been a close friend of mine for - dare I say it - almost twenty years, and our children have grown up loving each other as well. Our friendship with their family is almost seamless, so that no matter how many months have passed since the last time we've seen each other, the kids can resume playing as if they had never been parted, and that shows, I think, how close their relationships are on a very deep level. That's a priceless gift, and one that transcends all this silly business about real estate. :-)
So tonight, I do not have an address. (On the other hand, I'm also free of a huge chunk of debt!) Things have been so crazy with this move that I can't say anything for certain, and I'm a little cautious about being too excited over the scheduled closing tomorrow. But I've had bodily rest, some deep soul-rest, and have spent good times with people I love - and my kids, too, have had some carefree days and better sleep. God has been good and has worked out details we didn't know we needed working out, giving us gifts we didn't know we needed, and teaching us how to rest in Him. A good week, and a great God!

Homeless :-)

Last Tuesday we closed on our house in Gray Court house (not without some very interesting twists, though - all that worked in our favor), Friday I left with the kids to bring them up to my Mom's, and last night Dave left with the truck and all the animals, so that chapter in our lives in closed! Because we have not yet closed on the house in Lexington, and indeed have not yet even been cleared to close, that does mean we are quite homeless today, and it's an odd feeling. I'm not sure of God's plan in this, and I confess am a little confused because I had thought all along that He was answering my prayer to be able to ride up to the conference with my friends, which didn't happen. That's a small thing, I know, but there are some bigger problems with this delay, too; namely, that Dave literally had to take all our animals to the at his office last night, and so they are all literally at work with him today! That will only work for a very short time, as anyone could imagine, so we are praying that the Lord will open the final door for our move soon. And we are learning to trust him more completely and to be content in the meantime.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel - and the Collapse That Blocked It!

Last week we experienced some major setbacks in the house purchase, and because I was already stressed and packing-weary, as well feeling a little under the weather, I decided (a much calmer word for what actually transpired!) to come to my Mom's for a break. I came Tuesday evening and only meant to stay for a day or two, but it's Saturday and we're still here! I like to tell myself that I'm trusting the Lord for the situation with the house and the move, but I've still been experiencing a good deal of general anxiety (though much less and less often since I've been with my Mom), so perhaps I have not fully given this all over to Him. I think I'm ready to go back home and tackle the packing again, though, and praying for perfect peace and contentment, in the midst of this and of everything else going on. After taking a steaming bath in my sister's garden tub earlier in the week, and again after the facial my Mom sent me to get yesterday, I realized just how tense I've been and how crummy our days have been lately. I want to change that, but there are all these things and emotions we need to sort through first, I think. I hope that the move, which is now scheduled for later next week, will be the first step - if it will ever happen. :-)

Our Weekend

Saturday afternoon I was heading out the door for a library and shopping trip with Chase when Aimee asked to go. I was looking forward to some time to myself (well, almost!) but I agreed, because sometimes going out with the older kids is a nice treat, too. However when I called out into the backyard to tell Dave Aimee was going along, Drew came running in announcing he wanted to go, too, followed by Dave who was trying to figure out what was going on. Dave started to tell Drew he had to stay home, when poor Drew started crying and implored, "I just want to be with you, Mommy!" I have a hard time denying that kind of request, and I was just going to remind Aimee that she had gone with me last time, when Ryan piped up that he was going, too. Dave was considerably less than thrilled, because he could see that I wasn't going to be able to refuse any of them, and he's not so unfeeling that he could just watch me go out the door with all four kids - in short, he knew he was going to have to go with us. Ten minutes later we were all in the car, and all pretty happy by that point. Dave took care of all our library business, and while we waited in the car I made some shopping lists for each of the kids (even for Ryan, who was entrusted with remembering baking powder so that I could make him the waffles he had been asking for all week!). The lists proved to be a HUGE hit when we got the store, and we had the best fun shopping together - it really was a very pleasant outing. We arrived home and made cheese fondue for dinner, which is such a fun dinner for everyone, and everyone was in great spirits by bedtime.
Sunday morning we went to church and went through the usual routine of dropping the kids off at their respective classes - Aimee dashed off to hers, I took Drew to his, and Dave went with Ryan to his. If I take Ryan, there's no chance at all that he'll stay, but most often when Dave takes him, he consents pretty happily to stay and play after a few minutes, and that's what appeared to happen this time. Dave and I had missed each other that morning, though, because I didn't last anytime at all in the auditorium before I had to take Chase to the Nursing Mother's room, and thus I missed when Dave had left Ryan to go into the service. So I nursed Chase for a few minutes, and then let him play on the floor, and after a few more minutes I commented to the other mom there that it sounded like there were a few really unhappy little ones in the nurseries down the hall. I absolutely hate listening to those poor babies just screaming for what seems like forever, and I always peek out to make sure Ryan isn't one of them. We always explain to his teachers that we want to be called right away if he starts to cry or ask for us, but you never know...so I stepped out into the hall and definitely heard his cry this time. I walked to his room and the teacher was already at the door, so I asked her (just to be sure, before I poked my head in) if Ryan was crying. Rather reluctantly, she said yes, and I had the door opened in an instant for him to come out. "We were going to see if he would calm himself down," she explained, almost dissaprovingly, I thought, but in any case, I was really upset. Why is it that we have such a hard time getting people to respect our wishes in this matter? We don't want their help in "training" the kids to stay in the nursery! And while I completely respect parents' wishes to have some space, agreeing that there may be value in parents helping each other out by taking turns watching children during the service, I must object to this pressure to adhere to a system just for the sake of it. If a mother needs help and time to herself, then no one ought to fault her for it. But why are mothers amde to feel that they need to push down their instincts and "teach" their little ones to stay with complete strangers for no other reason than...than what? No one can even really say! The nursery system probably began just as mothers helping each other out, but now it has become divisive and enslaving. Anyway, I took Ryan outside to wander and play, and we had a great time together, then when the ending worship set began, we joined Dave in the auditorium. The singing was awesome, even overwhelming at one point when we singing, "Oh, How He Loves Us," a relatively new song, I think. We've sung it in church for a few weeks, and even though I think it's a little cheesy in spots, it always "gets me," and yesterday because I realized that a great deal of my struggle this year has been with fighting the reality that my dad doesn't really love me anymore, at least not the way he used to. I had said that my faith was still solid, even if my dad was leaving the very path had set me on, that it was no longer about him but about my relationship with the Lord. However I've been realizing that my spiritual life has been "stuck" these past eight months, as I've been waiting for everything to be set right again. I haven't wanted to keep going if everything - and everyone - isn't in its proper place. And much of my life, even my adult life, has been devoted to doing what my dad wanted and trying to please him, needing to please him so that I could be assured that he loved me, so I've been angry that it all that no longer matters, because he doesn't reagrd those choices as worthwhile anymore, therefore, he can't value me the way he used to. I have found some freedom in that on the one hand - I don't feel I have to explain or justify my adult decisions anymore - but one the other I think I was afraid to realize that it was time to separate my dad's love from the Father's love. In surrendering to that, I'll have to admit that my dad's love has changed, and I'll have to let it go, but then I can embrace the truth that I can go forward with a Father whose love for me will never change. Yesterday was a step forward for me in that.
And now I've spent all the kids' naptime writing this! Oh well - I needed the rest!

Spirited Children

Regarding dealing with those spirited children...Tips? Techinques? We certainly haven't landed on anything spectacular or brilliant; I think it just worked out that we both realized that Aimee was very tired at the time, and we both kept our cool (lots of deep breaths!). And actually, walking away was part of the solution on that occasion! This was the flow of events, at any rate - As she was being put to bed Aimee made a request that was denied for very specific reasons (it wasn't that Dave, who was on doing the bedtime routine that night, just didn't feel like making the effort to grant it). At this she began to demand to see me, and Dave told her that I was nursing Chase to sleep and would come to her shortly. This was not well-recieved, and tantrum behavior ensued. Dave gave her several warnings and attempted to calm her, but in the end he had to take her reading time away (funny - some children have to be coerced into reading, but for Aimee NOT being able to read is the worst possible consequence). I won't go into all the details of the noisy behavior that was on display as I finally walked back to her room, but I will say that it was the kind that doesn't lead inspire happy, snuggly kind of feelings in a parent, and my natural tendency would have been to walk in with the "What in the world is going on in here?" attitude. But I've been reflecting lately on how I would feel if every time I cried or had my own grown-up version of a tantrum, Dave berated me by telling me how ridiculous or selfish I was being. I have a little more self-control, of course, and I have to help Aimee develop that as well, but there she was crying and in real distress, so I just gave her a good hug without saying anything for a few seconds. Another reason for this is that I've tried to offer more "free" hugs in general, after reading in The Out-of-Sync Child about how that kind of firm pressure is good for kids with SI Dysfunction. It does indeed seem to help to reorganize my kids when they seem to be flying apart. At any rate, after the hug the crying stopped, doubtless because Aimee thought I was sympathizing with her situation. :-) When I began talking, she was not quite so pleased anymore, and after a few minutes of quietly explaining (again) the reasons for what was happening, I gave her a kiss and said I was sorry she couldn't understand, but that it was time for her to go to bed. She threatened that she was going to scream all night. Dave and I both told her firmly but gently that she was not going to do that, and then we left. Sometimes this kind of scene has to be repeated a few times, but this time, she actually just went to sleep. I think what really helped in this instance is that there was no power-struggle - it wasn't about us being right and trying to make her admit that - and that because we remained calm, we were able to impose reasonable consequences and to confindently stand our ground (because we weren't second-guessing a knee-jerk reaction). Easier said than done, right? :-) It doesn't always work so smoothly for us, to be sure! But I found the aforsaid book The Out-of-Sync child to be extremely enlightening in understanding Aimee (and also Drew, who definitely has some SI dysfunction on the other end of the spectrum), and since reading it, I've been able to develop some much more effective discipline stragegies.