Spirited Children

Regarding dealing with those spirited children...Tips? Techinques? We certainly haven't landed on anything spectacular or brilliant; I think it just worked out that we both realized that Aimee was very tired at the time, and we both kept our cool (lots of deep breaths!). And actually, walking away was part of the solution on that occasion! This was the flow of events, at any rate - As she was being put to bed Aimee made a request that was denied for very specific reasons (it wasn't that Dave, who was on doing the bedtime routine that night, just didn't feel like making the effort to grant it). At this she began to demand to see me, and Dave told her that I was nursing Chase to sleep and would come to her shortly. This was not well-recieved, and tantrum behavior ensued. Dave gave her several warnings and attempted to calm her, but in the end he had to take her reading time away (funny - some children have to be coerced into reading, but for Aimee NOT being able to read is the worst possible consequence). I won't go into all the details of the noisy behavior that was on display as I finally walked back to her room, but I will say that it was the kind that doesn't lead inspire happy, snuggly kind of feelings in a parent, and my natural tendency would have been to walk in with the "What in the world is going on in here?" attitude. But I've been reflecting lately on how I would feel if every time I cried or had my own grown-up version of a tantrum, Dave berated me by telling me how ridiculous or selfish I was being. I have a little more self-control, of course, and I have to help Aimee develop that as well, but there she was crying and in real distress, so I just gave her a good hug without saying anything for a few seconds. Another reason for this is that I've tried to offer more "free" hugs in general, after reading in The Out-of-Sync Child about how that kind of firm pressure is good for kids with SI Dysfunction. It does indeed seem to help to reorganize my kids when they seem to be flying apart. At any rate, after the hug the crying stopped, doubtless because Aimee thought I was sympathizing with her situation. :-) When I began talking, she was not quite so pleased anymore, and after a few minutes of quietly explaining (again) the reasons for what was happening, I gave her a kiss and said I was sorry she couldn't understand, but that it was time for her to go to bed. She threatened that she was going to scream all night. Dave and I both told her firmly but gently that she was not going to do that, and then we left. Sometimes this kind of scene has to be repeated a few times, but this time, she actually just went to sleep. I think what really helped in this instance is that there was no power-struggle - it wasn't about us being right and trying to make her admit that - and that because we remained calm, we were able to impose reasonable consequences and to confindently stand our ground (because we weren't second-guessing a knee-jerk reaction). Easier said than done, right? :-) It doesn't always work so smoothly for us, to be sure! But I found the aforsaid book The Out-of-Sync child to be extremely enlightening in understanding Aimee (and also Drew, who definitely has some SI dysfunction on the other end of the spectrum), and since reading it, I've been able to develop some much more effective discipline stragegies.