Winning and Losing

For this post, I am looking for some feedback, so please do submit your thoughtful comments! :-)

Drew has always been...let's see...sensitive to emotions created by winning and losing games and other competitions. I admit at times I have been alarmed by what seemed to me to be the behavior of a sore loser, and I have tried to instruct and correct when I thought neccessary - but it's really been in one ear and out the other. When he starts a game, or even just a fun family comeptition (such as, "let's see how fast you can put away your bikes"), whether he wins or loses becomes THE most important thing in the world. He has reasonable reactions when he wins, but when he loses...let's just say it's way over the top. Recently this has carried over even into computer games - he will end up screaming in frustration at the computer, ultimately losing his computer time, not to mention, of course, any sense of fun in playing. Now, in all fairness to him, I do understand that Aimee is somewhere at the heart of this. She is older, taller, and faster, and this usually means that right now she comes out on top in whatever game they play. She also realizes this, and uses it boost her self-confidence, engaging him in competitions she knows she'll win. She also constantly lets him know in various little ways how much better she is at just about everything than he is - she is usually very casual and matter-of-fact, rather than just mean-spirited, about this, but I still try to explain to her how it is not very kind. At any rate, surely this contributes to Drew's emotions on this subject at least in part. That said, he does need to learn how to play games nicely, and to lose with grace, and l put it to you, friends and readers, to lend your suggestions!

Finis!

Even though it was slightly delayed and required an hour of our Saturday, we did reach the end of our school year! The kids have behaved as though I released them from jail, but in all honestly, I admit I share a good deal of their excitement and sense of freedom. I know we enjoyed learning together for the most part, so I won't take it personally that everyone is so glad to be done for now. This might be a good time for reflection on what we've learned this school year and for a re- affirmation of our philosophy and mission for our homeschool...however, I think I'll save that for the beginning of the next school year, which is scheduled for mid-July. For the time being I think I'll just revel in our school-free days myself, and look forward to the possibility of actually having a clean house again for a few weeks.

Round 1,170 goes to...Ryan!

Yesterday was supposed to be the end our of our school year, and we were supposed to have a fun celebration dinner last night, after all of which I was supposed to have written a victorious post here celebrating the completion of our year.



But yesterday was one of the days on which Ryan literally woke up screaming at me. Do you ever wonder if some days your children have it out for you - if they just really want to see how much you can take from them and still love them unconditionally? :-) Ryan, a classic spirited child, has those kinds of days often, and yesterday was definitely one of them. He was screaming because he could not have any of his immediate requests - "requests" like, "I want ice cream for breakfast" - and he did not like any of my alternative suggestions. We eventually reached a compromise, but it was a temporary one, as this kind of scenario repeated itself throughout the day, and all we accomplished as far as school was one history coloring page. We had arranged a park playdate for late in the morning, and by the time we were ready to leave, the house was a disasterous mess. As a homeschooling mom and an adherent to attachment parenting, I am supposed to relax about this and let it all go... but all the same, it WOULD have been good to have a feeling of order and accomplishment to my morning. If not, an more satisfying trade-off would have been the knowledge that I spent some priceless moments with my children, and not, as it happened on the morning in question, that Ryan screamed at me, opposed my every wish and instruction, and fought everyone else over everything they had at any given moment... also that, taking advantage of my being distracted by dealing with one child, Chase climbed all over the furniture to his constant possible peril (but great personal delight), and the older ones did pretty much whatever they pleased, relieved that they had escaped from any unpleasantries such as school or chores. But on to the park we went, and I was hoping the fresh air and change of scenery would do everyone some good. Ryan, however, continued to push the boundaries there a little, and then even more so again when we returned home. I didn't feel I was completely at a loss, mind you, but just the doing in dealing with a day (and a person!) like this is exhausting, and by late afternoon I had to retreat to the bathroom to have a good cry. This actually had some therapuetic effect, but I was still ready to hand everyone off to Dave when he arrived home from work later. As I was trying to explain our day and mentioning that Ryan's behaviour had been so extreme that I had been driven to tears, Dave replied in some bewilderment, "How could he make you cry?" I decided he didn't have to understand exactly how a preschooler could drive his mother to tears, as long as he just kept said preschooler outside while I went in to make dinner.

So if it were a battle, this round, on Day 1, 170 of Ryan's life, went to Ryan. But as it's not a battle, I did tell Ryan I loved him oh, so much, as Dave carried him off to bed later, and I then recovered my strength for the next day. I also reaffirmed my determination to avoid making parenting Ryan a power struggle - mostly because if I did that, he would almost always win! He is such a strong, intense soul, and it cannot be that it is my job to "break his will", as I have often heard expressed as a parenting goal. I know that his will must be bent toward that of his Creator, but I don't believe that's my job. I can only imagine the raised eyebrows at church if I said that out loud! :-) But I'll clarify - I do believe I must show him the Way, that I must teach him and guide him, giving him bounadaries to discipline his heart, mind, and body, and allowing him to feel natural consequences of poor choices - as well as the happy consequences of right ones. But if I make it MY goal, rather than the Lord's, to capture his heart, I run the huge risk of failing. If it becomes a struggle between my will and his, I will be constantly frustrated and possibly very dissapointed in the end. And I think it might shut doors of communication between us, even causing resentment in him and thus ultimately making him more likely to turn from the very Path to which we strive to draw him.

Brothers

Last night before bedtime Dave took a trip to the store for a couple things we needed, and he took Chase along with me. When they returned, Chase had, to his obvious delight, a small beach ball, and he was almost instantly surrounded by his brothers the instant Dave put him down. Now, Drew and Ryan, as you can imagine, own countless balls, so Dave didn't feel at all bad about warning them to back off - the ball (very likely just from the free toy bin at the check-out) was Chase's only. Ryan, however - as you could probably also imagine - took no heed of this, and gleefully snatched the ball, at which Chase screamed in protest. It's a trademark sound that means "Ryan did it." :-) We instructed Ryan to give Chase the ball, which after a little parental persuasion, he did. This scene repeated itself at least two more times, screams included, as we carried the groceries to the kitchen, but as we were unloading the bags, Ryan lost interest in the ball - that is, until Chase walked up behind Ryan and began hitting him with the ball! "Do you see this?" I asked Dave incredulously (why I should have been incredulous, I don't know, as this sort of thing happens frequently). "He's practically asking for it!" Sure enough, this renewed Ryan's diabolical interest in the ball, and the snatching scenario began all over again. This time Drew thought he would take up Chase's cause, taking the ball from Ryan, who then let out the offended sibling shriek, and giving it to Chase. We redirected Drew, but not before Ryan had dissolved into a very loud heap of distressed three year-old and was asking for a particular form of maternal comfort. It was bedtime, after all, so I agreed, which immediately set off Chase's radar, and he, of course, felt he desperately needed the exact same thing. As I cared for one and held off the other as he climbed all over his brother in attempts to pry him from the coveted place, I wondered at this somewhat enigmatic brother relationship - the same relationship that bonds them so tightly that in the morning they'll be delighted to see each other, telling each other how much they love each other and giving enthusiastic hugs...which will turn into death sqeezes, followed by more screams...Maybe that's the brothers best like to say, "I love you." :-)

And where's the sister in all of this? In her room probably, occasionally emerging to implore us to "PLEASE keep the boys out of here!." When I was growing up, my sisters and I always wanted a brother. I think Aimee having her fill of brothers, would likely think us crazy for having such a wish, but I know, too, that she loves the ones she has...as long as they STAY OUT of her room!

Extended Movie Review

Yesterday my mom sisters, nephew, and neice all came down for an early Memorial Day weekend cook-out - after, I should add, our family had to back out of a trip up their way (Rock Hill, SC) for several reasons. I felt badlly about the fact that they were all compelled to come here, but it was good to see everyone, especially since my youngest sister has just returned from school in New York and is going to Cambodia this week for the summer. After enjoying a great dinner together, we gathered all the kids, along with some necessary supplies (i.e. blankets and a cooler, but not, as we realized later to our discomfort, jackets and slighly warmer clothing!) and everyone piled in two cars (minus one sister and neice, who returned home) to drive down to the "Big Mo," a drive-in movie theatre near here. Dave had heard earlier in the week that they were showing Prince Caspian, and we thought it would be a fun family outing, as well as the only way we were all going to get to go to a movie together. It was a little farther out than we had thought, but still only about thirty minutes away, and it was an exciting adventure. We sprawled on lawn chairs and blankets, and the movie began at dark, right about the time Chase was getting a little tired and fussy. A couple of nursing sessions, though, had him sleeping somewhere before the halfway mark, though, and everyone else - including Ryan - made it the entire movie.

So as to the movie - we all enjoyed it immensely, though those who were most familiar with the book were a little confused at times. Aimee observed that they omitted the part in the book with Susan, Lucy, and Aslan joining in a celebration of sorts with some of the more fanciful Narnian creatures, and she felt that "alot of the rest of the story was rooted to that part, " so it was rather a mistake to leave it out. :-) She also wondered why the "colors were all gray, instead of bright like they were in in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." I supposed the LWW does take place in something like the classical days of Narnia, as opposed to the more medieval feel of the Prince Caspian days, and the two movies do a good job of expressing that with the difference in "colors." But Prince Caspian the book has more light and shade, I feel, than the movie captures. The movie focuses primarily on the dark harshness of the Telmarines, and, as another review I read stated, felt almost like "Tolkien lite." It was indeed a bit more violent than I probably would have wanted Ryan to see, had I known, and the hag in one of the scenes was very scary. Also, Aimee noted that in the book, the hag and the werewolf did not actually bring up the White Witch - in the movie the WW simply served as an exciting theatrical display, which Drew appreciated because it provided a dramatic moment with a sword, but which Aimee and I didn't think was necessary at all to the story. The hints of romance between Susan and the Prince cheapened the story at times and were unneccesary as well, but I believe the movie represents the Pevensie children as slightly older than the book does, and I suppose I can give the movie some slack for needing to appeal to a broader audience than simply the C.S. Lewis faithful. For all that, it was an exciting movie - and when it comes out on DVD I imagine we will probably own it in short order. I do give credit to an excellent Reepicheep, thrilling battle scenes (important to the boys!), and a moving conclusion, which promised more Narnia in the future.
I do not, however, understand the study guides which have come out for the movie; in my opinion - and I know I risk offending some of you, so I stress again that it's just my opinion! - there is nothing spiritually valuable to study about the movie. The LWW, of course, weaves a rich and beautiful analogy that the movie version actually retells fairly well. The Prince Caspian book contains a very worthwhile picture of several different expressions of faith - the childlike, almost perfect fastness of Lucy's faith (in which there are even more dimensions to consider), the solid, humble faith of the redeemed Edmund, Peter's realization (and then humble turning, which leades to his final growing up of sorts) that what he takes for faith at first is simply bravery and trust in himself, and Susan's often wavering faith that is hindered by the cares of "practical" things. There's much more of course, but in short, what emerges in the movie is an extremely watered-down represesntation of the that aspect of the story. So watch and enjoy the movie, by all means, but my humble (I've used that word three times now in the space of a few lines!) suggestion is to take it as a good movie and leave it at that. We Christians want to make everything C.S. Lewis a deep spiritual lesson, and in this case, it's simply not there.

Another Official Milestone

Desperately needing the constant encouragement, I had written some verses on the whiteboard in the kitchen the other day, and this morning, Drew read one to me, with only a little prompting at the last word:

"With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies."

He's an official reader!

More Growing Up

After I posted that link I realized that, as the Library Elf (thanks, Hannah!) had informed me over the weekend, that I had library books to renew, so I logged on to the library site and quickly renewed the books. Chase meanwhile had wandered into the living room, where the kids were watching a movie for quiet time - and where I presumed he wouldn't get into any trouble for thirty seconds. But when I went to get him, he was, to my great surprise, sitting in one of the captain's chairs at the dining room table. I was surprised both because he had not previously been able to get up on any of the chairs, as well as because the chair was so close to the table there was no way he could have climbed into it. I took him out and put him on the ground, wondering aloud how he did it. At that, he proceeded to show me, climbing up another chair, clambering from there onto the table, and walking to the end of the table toward the chair he had been sitting in, and in which he would have climbed down into if I hadn't recovered from my astonishment and picked him up again. I was laughing, but more a little alarmed that he can now climb to such heights!