Finding a Groove

...or, "Phase One of 'Anne Gets a Grip'". :-) I should preface this by saying that sometimes my blog paints a very grim picture of life here. Often, however, my deepest struggles are internalized, and writing them out just helps me sort through them, but our family life on the whole isn't terrible. This move has been hard, and the past two months have been difficult with sickness and Dave's work schedule, but every once in awhile I realize how thankful we are to be here at last, and that is a very good thing indeed. We have actually had a social life and are renewing old connections as well as making new ones, so slowly but surely, the life we had hoped to have here (again) is falling into place. Even the unpacking situation is really not so bad as I think, either - most of the house is actually unpacked, and there are only two or three areas that still have boxes. That's probably common, and my expectations are very likely too high. That said, there have been some major problems, and I've been a frazzled mess. Reading The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood had already given me some clarity of thought on the matter, and in the latest issue of New Beginnings that came out last week, there was an article that mentioned "Depleted Mother Syndrome", which was enlightening as well. I don't mean to be over-dramatic or to play the victim by putting a name to everything - or even to excuse real shortcomings on my part; on the contrary, defining some of what's going on seems to have helped lift my head above the waters. (And I know that some of you have been praying for me - and I've been praying for you this week, too, Hannah!) At any rate, just the day after my last post, things seemed to flow more peacefully; my thoughts were clearer, I had more patience, and I felt more productive. The trend continued into the week, and last night I when I went to Target, I was able to shop without any of the anxiety attacks I've had in recent months (the kind I would have when trying to get rugs for the floor, for instance - I would simply stare at the choices, the knots in my stomach tightening and my head swirling, with the end result being no purchase at all, and a great deal of frustration spent over a very little thing). This time I bought the rugs I wanted, and then I bought a new vacuum with similar ease. I walked around and saw some school supplies I had been looking for, so I shopped for more of that and also bought some organizational supplies I had needed. It wasn't a wild shopping spree (incidentally, I guess you know you're a homeschooling mom when buying pencils and magnet boards even comes close to a wild spree...), but it was a rare guilt-free, and thus exhilarating, outing, and now there are quite a few less items lingering on the "to purchase" list. Today things continued on the upswing. That's not to say that I made huge strides in the house, or that Ryan was more compliant (or quieter!); I have just been moving forward and feeling a hair ahead, instead of two or three steps behind as I spin around in circles.
So in my recent posts I've enumerated the problems; I would be amiss in failing to detail some of the solutions. (As I type I've just realized that this may bear some resemblance to one of Hannah's posts, but that's quite unintentional.) Some of these I'm already working on, while some are just plans for the near future.

Make a conscious, purposeful effort to be content. Believe it or not sometimes I think this is not a problem for me. "We're not rich, and that's okay with me," until I discover I'm lacking something that's "essential", and my world is just not quite right without it. Again and again I must go through a process of realizing that I am to be content in ALL things, at all times, not just when life is going according to my plan.

Without being indulgent, take better care of myself. Eat better, drink more water (and less caffeine). Incorporate some downtime in my schedule. (Ha, ha, ha ,ha , HA! But seriously, I think I could snatch a few minutes once in awhile)

Pay closer attention to everyone's diet again. We had become careless and hurried about this, but it's time to return to more whole foods.

Enroll Aimee in her coveted riding lessons and consider it therapy (don't threaten to withhold them or use it as a bargaining chip - just take her every week).

Find a chiropractor for Ryan. He falls down and runs into things all the time - maybe if he feels better physically, he might sleep better, and subsequently be more at peace with the world more of the time. It's interesting that most people see him as a happy, laid-back little boy, and are confused when I mention his intensity. I think this is because he's an extrovert , fueled by the energy of other people, so he's naturally happier in social settings (where we're there with him!). He's such an intense little person, though, that it's not long before he drains all the available energy from us here at home. He is fun and cute, but he also needs a great deal of time and attention, and he often needs it very loudly. :-)


Wow, this is long and I probably should have signed off long ago before all of you became bored and bleary-eyed! That's just some of what's going on here; as usual with me, the whole of it would be long and complicated but I'll stop NOW.