"Do You Feel Older?"

This morning my Mom Skyped Aimee to tell her Happy Birthday (and to see the pink streak the latter put her in hair for the occasion). Mom asked Aimee if she felt any older, and then she remarked, "Well, you look older!" And, sporting her pink streak and her new Mockingjay earrings, Aimee rather did look grown up this morning.

But we are partly in jest when on birthdays we ask that question - did you feel older?" - and remark on whether the person in question looks older,because of course one day doesn't make much difference in how we feel or look. As a parent, I note my the growth and development of my children, but I confess that I get accustomed to them in their respective phases. Aimee has been in the "older kid" phase for a while now, and so when my mom remarked that she looked older - again, partly in jest - I pondered her growth of late. Does she look "older?"

In the beginning of child's life, of course, growth is so drastic, change so noticeable, that it's noticeable almost daily. They start out so tiny, so new...

...and then in a matter of months, they are different creatures altogether.

Into toddlerhood, growth is still rapid, but perhaps the change slows just a bit...

Still, seeing them do things like sports and dance takes your breath away, as you remember what they just were, not so very long ago.

They don't slow down, by any means, but they become kids, and the stages last longer each time.

But somewhere, somehow, "little girl" doesn't seeme to apply anymore, and that's a new stage, when the horizons broaden..and legs keep lengthening...

And when they hold younger siblings a whole decade younger than they are, the difference does start to show.

And yes, some days, they just look so grown up...

And some other days, they look REALLY grown up, and you can't help but take note.

So does she look older? I guess so. Just a little bit.

Happy birthday, dear Aimee Perrine!

Stacks of Books, Part One

In my last post, I mentioned that we have been to the library numerous times (two or three times a week), and that we have read through stacks of books. I'm not exaggerating. Stacks, and stacks, and some more stacks. In our very first days of freedom from school, all our readers began devouring books through hours upon hours of reading, as if we had all been starving. We hadn't - our learning experience revolves around whole books - but the freedom to read what we want and for as long as we want has been almost intoxicating. And, I should add, it means that learning hasn't stopped in the least. Some of us have even been writing our own books. Aimee has been working hours each day on a dystopian story, and I believe, still at the fantasy story she's been working on for months with a friend. (Both stories are quite good!).


 But back the books already in print - we have quite a few from the library around here, and they aren't collecting dust. This is our usual library basket:

But we have some books upstairs for bedtime reading convenience:

And a basket in the hallway for chapter book readers to choose from:

And a stack of required reading, also in the hallway, from which I would like Aimee and Drew to pick a book at least once a week. (This picutre just won't load for some reason.)

Then everyone has their own stack in their own room. Aimee always has quite a few in her room:

Drew has some:

And the younger boys always have an interesting assortment:

Of course, the Star Wars research is ongoing:

They also like to listen to books on CD, so we have a special basket for those as well:

And since we are on break, I have time for a good selection, too (these are tucked between my bed on the floor and the mostly un-used crib mattress - we're so stylish here):

And I have the latest Flavia de Luce mystery on my Kindle, courtesy of our library's growing digital collection:

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So. Books, books, books, and more books. Recommendations later.

A Timeful Life

We wrapped up our school year (such as it is - since we have a year round schedule, the lines dividing one year from the next are somewhat indisctint) two weeks ago, and since then, we've done pretty much nothing. I had meant, for one thing, to go straight into sorting our school papers and portfolios, to organize the school room and then the house, and I had meant for us to have a more purposeful sort of break in general. I suppose that defeats the purpose of taking a break, though, and in any case, there's still time for some of that. And the truth is that because we had our "spring break" in February, when Aimee and Dave were in Chile, and then had three solid months of school before another significant break, we were burnt out. Really badly burnt out - or, at least, I was. I fully acknowledge that in the last couple months, as we were trudging along at home, I was completely useless to anyone else. At church, in our LLL Group, in our homeschool group, in any area I can think of, I contributed almost nothing. I apologize to my friends in all those areas, and make my mental note a publicly stated one - never go so long in our homeschooling without a decent break. That was a mistake, and by mid May, when I finally surrendered and declared our school year over, I was mentally and emotionally tired.

So...for the past two weeks, we've just been. We haven't been hermits, by any means (although that sounds nice to my introverted self sometimes!), but we haven't had much plan, direction, or structure at all. We've done some work in our garden, kept the house at a reasonable level of order, done some basic chores and errands here and there, but mostly we've just played outside and read through stacks - and stacks - of books. And yes, the rules for the electronics have relaxed a little, so we've played the Wii and watched favorite movies a little more often than usual. We've done some park dates and we went strawberry picking once, we've been geocaching when we felt like it, and we've been to the library numerous times - basically, whatever we've felt like doing and whenever we've felt like doing it, we've done it. When the weather warms back up, we'll add the pool into the mix. And eventually, we'll pull ourselves together and ready ourselves for more structure. At some point, I will be ready to re-enter society and be helpful again.

But for now, we are enjoying what Sheldon Vanauken in A Severe Mercy referred to as a "timeful life-" in which we are "quiet and leisurely", with time "to stop and stare." Okay, okay, I know this is not realistic with kids. They aren't exactly quiet, and they will grow bored with this after a time; indeed, they are getting to that point already. But my soul is enjoying some quiet and leisure, and for that I'm not apologetic. I'll get back with the rest of the world later!

All the Special Things

Last night both Aimee and Drew had special dinners at church, to welcome them into the respective groups into whch they are graduating - Aimee into the junior high group, and Drew into the 5th and 6th graders group. For some reason, I am having a much harder time with the idea of Drew going into 5th grade than with Aimee going into junior high, but let's save all that for another day. In any case, since Dave will be helping with the 5th and 6th grade group next school year, he also went to dinner, so I decided to take the younger set to do something special, which for them means Chick-fil-A. Listen, I know there was an article that went around several weeks ago about how Chick-fil-A really isn't very great nutritionally after all, but I'm just going to say that I didn't feel guilty in the slightest about taking them last night, so we're just going to leave it at that. In fact, when we pulled into the parking lot, and I responded in the affirmative to the boys' queries about whether we were getting kids' meals AND eating in, their joy was postively contagious. It was easy, then, once we got our food and they began trying to decide whether to keep the toy or trade it for ice cream, to say that they could have the toy AND we would still get ice cream. At this, Ryan said, "Wow! We get to have ALL the special things!"

I didn't tell him that he was wrong, that really I'm the one who gets all the special things.

As we we walked out the door, Ryan said, "This has been the best night of my life," Granted, seven doesn't have much perspective, but I had to agree it was pretty great.

Bonding

I don't have anything really witty or insightful to say about this picture, just that this is how I bond with the boys, these days particularly Chase. It's pretty good stress relief, too!

Praise

One day last week a friend and I were talking about praising children's deeds and accomplishments. She has one little boy, just shy of a year, and as a mother of several, of all different ages, I was relating various examples, but then when she asked, "But how do you know where the line is? How do you know when it's appropriate to give praise, and how much is too much?"

And I, experience mother of five, said, "Um...."

I'm actually not really sure. I also felt a little guilty, since I had related an instance of when I thought a parent had praised something their child did, and I felt the instance didn't really call for it. I felt the parent was contributing to that particular child's rather large sense of entitlement. But I suppose the statement the parent made sounded innocent enough, so my criticism of it was based solely on my feelings, and not on any real principle. Was I saying that my opinion was principle enough? Ouch.

So I thought about what that principle in our home is. I don't think I did in as many words, but in the first place, I certainly should have told my friend that certainly at the age her little one is now, there is no such thing as excessive praise. But even as they grow...I generally believe that praise and positive words should greatly outweigh criticism and negative words. No one would like to be corrected and critized ALL DAY LONG, but that can be alarmingly easy to do with children. So I try to consider how I would like to be addressed. Even when correction is necessary, I try to do so the way I would like to hear it myself. It can also be helpful to remind myself of the positive aspects of a child's personality, even in the heat of the moment, so I'm frequently heard saying things like, "Oh, my goodness, I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE SO PERSISTENT. That is great. But [for the hundrenth time] you're still not going to have ice cream for breakfast." Of course, sometimes positive wording isn't appropriate for the moment. I have heard parents really bend over backwards to phrase something in a positive way rather than a negative one, but when, for instance, you walk into the dining room and find your boys flinging spaghetti at each other (true story), it's perfectly reasonable to forget to say, "How energetic and happy you all are! But let's leave the spaghetti on our plates, please," and it's entirely appropriate to say, "STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!?!"

Note that it seems like I'm shouting a lot here, so I'll take this moment to say that boys, in general, seem to need firmer wording in louder tones, and they don't seem to mind it. I don't mean that I'm yelling at them all the time. But while a girls, in general, seem to appreciate many words in gentle tones, boys would often rather you get to the point. And when they are jumping all over the furniture playing Avengers, they can only hear you when you say, "HEY! TRAMPOLINE!"

But I'm getting a little off topic. I only meant to say that whle our general practice is to use positive words as often as possible, sometimes children require directions more to the point. And sometimes the things they do truly aren't praiseworthy at all. Sometimes really ugly things spill out, just as they do for all of us. In those times, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say, "I love YOU, but there's nothing good about this thing you just did or said." But again, what about the things that ARE praiseworthy? As parents, we tend to think everything our children do is absolutely wonderful and exceptional. It's ok to let them know that. But I've noticed as they get older, my children began to call me out on this. "You're just saying that because you're my mom," or, "Do you REALLY think it's good?" So I try to be specific in my praise, and let them know when something really is, by anyone's standards, a good thing.

Also, I don't, by intention and because I just wouldn't have enough time for this, praise them each and every time they do something that's expected of them as a member of the household or as a member of humanity (although I try to say thank you often). Really, I hear parents do that sometimes, and it sounds both tedious and not very genuine. But when I know a child struggles with something like obeying or controlling his temper, and they do something that demonstrates a victory in that area, I certainly do praise them for it. So when we have to go somewhere, and my five year old - who once sat stubbornly in a bath so long it went ice-cold, simply so that he could delay our departure for co-op one morning  - puts a shirt and shoes on and gets in the car straightaway the first time I say, "Let's go!", you'd better believe I make a point of it!


I feel I didn't get anywhere near the answer to the original question here, so I appeal to you, dear readers - how do YOU dole out your praise? What do you feel is the line between enough and too much, or the line between genuine and false? Do you even think about it?

In Which We Get "Nothing" Done

As the weather warms and our school year wanes, we are finding it harder each day to have "official" school days. I have even been trying block scheduling - just doing one subject each day - to help get things done with minimum torture. Even then, yesterday we did no "school" whatsoever. All we did was...

  Play outside in the beautiful sunshine.

 Bake a chocolate cake.

  Read. A lot.

 (Drew spent most of the day with The Mysterious Benedict Society, Aimee read a book she dowloaded on her Nook from the library's digital collection, and the other three and I read through the stacks and stacks of picture books we brought home from recent library trips.)

Play at being pirates (note the bloodied rags). Later they were knights, kings, and superheros.

Plant our vegetable garden.

So, you know...a total waste of a day.