Beans and Gloom

This morning I woke up early and was prepared for a good day a school, but when we started math, Ryan indicated he was going to be less than cooperative. So I thought I would give him some beans and different size bowls and let him play on a tablecloth close by. This was a novel idea and he was very interested - unfortunately, so were Aimee and Drew, so I was battling whining from them instead in very short order! When they were done with their work I made the mistake of letting them play with him, and very shortly thereafter Aimee was directing the play, which was frustrating the boys, and I was reminding her that it was supposed to just be fun preschool play, then Drew was throwing handfuls in the air, at which he was instantly removed from the cloth. But by this time Ryan was no longer interesting in quietly scooping and pouring, and was, instead, dumping bowfuls on the carpet in the living room. I had him pick them up, of course (this said to counter my mom's observation that he "gets away with alot" - well, he does, but not with everything!), but still, the activity that was supposed to help de-stress our morning definitely raised my stressed level, even though I made supreme efforts not to scold or fret. Next time, though, it will be a strictly preschool activity!
That was pretty boring, I know - but my really deep thoughts are rather gloomy this week. We lost for good the house that we put the offer on, and though I should just be thankful for the closed door, I am also having a hard time letting it go and trusting that something else will work out. It seemed so perfect, and we are beset with difficulties around any other option, of which there are actually none at the moment anyway. Ah...God is good, at any rate.

The Things They Say!

Ryan has been more impish than usual, and he knows it, too. Today he was doing some jumps and leaps I was just overlooking because I was trying to read for History, but he began calling me. I paused at a break and asked him what he wanted. He jumped in what he thought was a daring way, and therefore one he thought - very likely hoped - I would dissaprove of, then coached, "You got to say, 'Ryan, you're crazy!'" (I guess I must say that alot!) I laughed and obliged, then he replied, "Mama, you're crazy!" He's probably right!

When I was feeling so bad earlier in the week, Drew offered one of his funny moments - I walked past him as he was getting settled in to go to sleep, and he said in his very loving way, "Mommy, you're so beautiful." He says this frequently, and it is so sweet - he's going to make a great husband. But this time, he added thoughtfully, "Well, halfway beautiful. The bottom half - maybe not the top half." I was wearing pink striped pajama bottoms, and pink makes a girl beautiful in his eyes. I had to agree, though that the top half of me was not looking so hot! His honesty is endearing, though, and he's offered it once before as well. A few weeks after I had Chase he started to give me the usual beautiful comment; I could hear it in his voice. "Mommy, if you would... take your glasses off...and fix your hair...and get dressed...you'd be so beautiful!"

Aimee's moments are delivered with her signature flair and spark. She was upset about something a few days ago and wanted to call and talk to Dave about it. She got his voicemail, at which she snapped the phone shut and exclaimed with great princess contempt, "His voicemail! Where is he when I absolutely need him?!" Okay, so maybe she has heard the queen say this once or twice before!

Open Doors, Closed Doors...and Everything in Between!

I remember listening to a missionary once talk about how he came to a crossroads in his life and wasn't sure which direction he should go. As he prayed about it he decided that he would just walk through the open doors and ask God to close any that were the wrong ones. I liked that idea, and ever since, when I have the presence of mind to remember it, I have tried to follow that principle. I have found, however, that while sometimes open doors are in fact wide open, some appear closed but are unlocked - and therefore count as open because you just have to make the effort to turn the handle - and some are locked, but if you are handed a key before you walk away, they also count as open doors. So the theory becomes very muddled! The element of patience comes in, at least, and that can be hard. The point of all this is that our offer on the house in Lexington was rejected - not because another offer was accepted or because ours wasn't acceptable, but because the owners decided they aren't ready to move yet. Our offer is still on the table, though, until we find something else or until they decide they're ready, so technically the door has neither been open or closed. Hmmm. That house was going to be perfect for us in so many ways, and one way was so important that we aren't even sure if we'll be able to purchase another house right now. Renting again seems a really depressing option - I can't imagine selling our lovely little house and land just to go back to living in someone else's. Of course it could be a moot point if things don't go well with the appraisal and inspection this week, and then I won't know how to feel. If the house appraises for less than our asking price, we're in trouble for a long time - who knows when we could move! But if all proceeds well and we must make a quick decision about where to go, we might have to settle for so much less than we had hoped. So I keep coming back to that house. If only...! Yes, I know God may have a better plan. Or it could be that we who have sometimes sown idiotic decisions may finally have to reap the reward of idiots. :-) That is my fatalistic self talking, when I know that the Lord shows mercy to all and has never given us over the the full consequences of our stupidity. He has always been good to us.
So we will keep lookimg, all the while praying that He will open the door to that particular house, or that He will shed light very soon on the better path. Most of all, I am praying that He will have mercy and more mercy on us. We are all very tired and stressed, which has been telling on us this weekend. Yesterday we were all felled by the same aches-and-fever virus that Ryan must have had earlier in the week (so sorry, Jenny, if we passed this on to your household at the party - we had been free of fever for over 24 hours, so I thought we were clear). Fortunately the worst of it was over quickly, but Chase had a very bad teething episode right as my fever reached its peak. He might had the same thing we had, actually, although he never had a fever, but whatever it was had him screaming inconsolably from 9 to 10. I felt like lifting my head was a challenge at that point, but I summoned every ounce of strength and paced the floor with him, after discovering to my chagrin that he refused to nurse. Dave took turns with him, but this caused even louder screaming, and didn't seem to be doing much good other than letting me rest my throbbing head. When Chase finally succumbed to sleep in exhaustion, we went to bed, but he had similar screaming bouts off and on until after 12. So now everyone feels better but me! My fever is gone, but my head and eyes still ache, and, almost needless to say, I am still in my pajamas. I was going to try to go on with school as usual this morning, and when Ryan began waving "A Bug's Life" at me, I almost gave the standard, "No, dear, it's a school day." But reason won out and I declared it a sick day, at least for the morning!

Another offer

We have found a house we like, and we think it will work great for us, so we're placing our offer today! Another afternoon of waiting...And such an afternoon it is! Ryan has had a high fever since yesterday afternoon and didn't sleep well last night, so I am VERY tired, and he is VERY cranky. And we must just wait patiently.

THE OFFER

Well, it came this evening - the offer. It seemed really good, and our realtor said it was very good, so we accepted it... with much trepidation. We are scheduled to close October 15, and we don't have a house to move into yet!!! There are so many details, some huge, so it's hard to get really excited just yet, but this is a gigantic step forward.

Waiting...

I am so exhausted this week. Chase has been cutting a tooth and has not been sleeping very well at all, so I have been in a fog. I have also suspected that in addition to the tooth, he might just be getting hungrier, and so I have tried offering him solid food again, which he has indeed consumed with a gusto not previously displayed. :-) Maybe that, as well as the pearly white of the new tooth at last gleaming just above his gum, will help improve our nights a little. Yesterday we had to get the house ready to show - a 5:00 showing, which is a the worst time for me (so hard to keep everything together all day), and made more difficult by the fact that I just wanted to get back to bed. :-) But we did it, and it seems the family who came really liked the house, and the realtor expects them to make an offer today. My heart skipped a beat when Dave called me and told me that, and it has done so every time the phone has rung today! In light of that, we have been searching almost frantically for houses to look at down there and have been on the phone on and off throughout the day. It would really help to get a realtor with more enthusiasm, though. When we were looking here, our realtor was so wonderful and treated us with as much respect and seriousness as if we didn't have the tiny budget we did, and with some creative thinking and diligent looking she found this house for us. Now we have a bigger budget, but the realtors we've talked to so far aren't very optimistic. I think it can be done, though, and while waiting for that fateful but long-awaited call for this house, I have been praying that God would lead us down the right paths to discover the right house for us - and that everything will fall into place once we find it.

The Party

Drew is five today, and so very proud of it. For some reason, five must be a particularly exciting and enviable age to be, because Drew has made a very big deal of it for quite some time. When his cousin turned five just eight weeks ago, there was much emphasis, uncontested at that, placed on the difference in their status. I heard them conversing about it at the beach - "I'm five, you know, and you're only four," Tiernan informed him matter-of-factly. Ordinarily this would have been the kind of statement that would have inspired an argument - or a punch- but Drew calmly and almost submissively replied, "Yes, I know. But I'll be five in September!" He has asked about it almost daily, and has not been impressed by the idea that he's been getting closer to five every day. No, he is still convinced that something almost magical happens on one's birthday, so last night he was still only four, and today he is five. He did consent to having his birthday party yesterday, however, and almost all the family from both sides came. It was loud and hectic, and my sisters and I made a pact, or renewed it anyway, that we will help each other grow old with grace. I won't say much more than that on that point... Anyway, after everyone left and we were getting the kids ready for bed, there was a huge blow-up over some obscure (but new) Star Wars figure, and Drew was at the center of it. Of course we knew he was overstimulated and tired, so we were trying to make allowances for that, but he was really being difficult, and at one point I did something that wasn't harsh or rough, but was out of frustration nonetheless and made him feel unneccesarily cornered. I backed off almost immediately, but still after it was all over and he was in bed, I peeked in the door and whispered to him, "I love you Drew, and I'm sorry I didn't respect your space a little while ago," at which he quietly replied, "It's okay, Mommy. I'm the one who should be sorry - I never should have said those ugly things." I'm not making a word of that up, and if it hadn't been dark, you might have seen me melt all over the floor!