I have mentioned before on this blog that in answer to the "what about socialization" question, it's okay to admit that the truth is that we're not really interested in much of what is involved in said "socialization." In fact, I often feel like turning this around and asking (in all honesty) those with kids in any type of school, "Yes, what ABOUT socialization? How do you deal with that?" It seems like hard work. Oh, but do you mean, "How do you learn how to get along with other people in society?" That's a different question, and it seems like such a ridiculous one to ask of homeschoolers that I always want to play dumb and act like that's not what people are asking. We would have to go out of our way to avoid interacting with anyone, and anyone with a large-ish family knows you don't even have to leave the house to encounter learning how to live with different personalities.
Anyway, this still comes up from time to time, of course, and I always think about the irony of it when my kids are with their slew of friends. This happened a few weeks ago when Dave and I were taking our Bible quiz team to a quiz meet (I should really discuss the merits of Bible quizzing sometime, but that's for another day). We had our five children, three from another family, and two from yet another family. All told, we were in a 15 passenger van with a mix of boys and girls (mostly boys!) ranging from age 2 to age 13, and our round trip travel time was four hours. We never heard of any unkindness or belittling,and certainly no bullying. There was no name-calling, no raised voices, and no fighting.We never once had to correct anyone or break up fights. Now, there were a couple of mild disagreements, but they worked them out among themselves. There were three or four electronic devices - a couple of Kindle Fires, and a couple of Nintendo DS devices. And they shared them. The older ones made suggestions about how to work out turns, and the younger ones deffered to them -and not because they were bullied into anything, but because the older ones were reasonable and fair. It was clear that they commanded respect, not fear. I heard later that the two oldest kids in the van didn't get a turn at all on the way down - and one of them owned one of the devices being played!
So I thought about the ridiculousness of the "socialization" question as I listened to all this going on, and really, I thought again about how what I was witnessing was a group of "unsocialized" kids being civilized, something that, to me, is worth way more that socialization. I don't have any interest in my kids learning how to survive the jungle law of an isolated group of 12 year-olds, or 10 year -olds, or so on. But I do want them to know how to earn respect, and how to give it. I want them to know how to be patient, kind, and diplomatic. I want them to be compassionate, and to look out for others.
Now, I know firsthand that some of those kids - the five who came from our house!- can behave in very uncivilized ways. The other kids are from families we know , and I'm pretty sure they have some of the same issues. I'm sure they battle unkindness, impatience, and selfishness daily in their family, as we do in ours. I'm sure that sometimes they are dismayed to hear their children at each other's throats, and I'm sure they have days of petty bickering - all day long. I'm sure they pray for their children, and with their children, and encourage purity of heart, and thus of behavior. If it's this hard when we have our children all day long, when we can identify and address the baser elements of their human nature throughout the day, how hard must it be for you all who have to undo "socialization?" I'm not being facetious or unkind, truly! I'm just saying that I know this must be difficult, and I humbly submit that "socialization" is not as much a problem issue for homeschoolers as it is for those in brick and mortar schools.
In any case, it is a relief and a joy to see the fruit of our labor, to see kids behaving in such a civilized way. That's what we're after. Socialization can be kept by those who want it - we don't!
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