Some Favorite Conversations

Me, to Aimee, who is having trouble with a math page: "I'll be glad to help you, if you'd like."

Aimee, completely exasperated: "I don't like it when you help me! You always have to give me all the details, instead of really helping!"

Me, in carefully measured tones: "Do you mean explaining how to figure it out, rather than just giving you the answers?"

Aimee: Stony silence, which, when translated, means, Grrrrr!



Me, to Drew: "Can you please feed the dogs while you're outside?"

Drew, with extreme reluctance: "Where's the dog food?"

Me: "In the shed [where it always is]."

Drew: "How do I give them their food?" Believe it or not, this is his daily job.

Me, after taking a deep breath and counting to ten: "Get their bowls, fill them with dog food, and give the bowls to the dogs."

Drew: "Where's Champ's bowl?"

Me: "In the kennel [where it always is]."

Drew, slumping his shoulders in complete astonishment: "You mean I have to go all the way across the yard?!?!?

What an arduous journey. I laugh in spite of myself and don't even know what to say.


During a grocery run, I hear intense squabbling between the boys just ahead of the cart. Finally Ryan breaks away and presents his case. "He STOLE my speeder [somehow I'm positive this has something to do with Star Wars] and WON'T GIVE IT BACK!"

Me, incredulous: "Are you guys arguing over an imaginary object?'

Drew, entering the discussing: "I had it FIRST!"

Me, undeterred: "So you're really arguing over an imaginary object?"

They both look at me like I'm the one who's crazy. I invent another speeder and give it to Ryan, then pretend I can't hear anything for the rest of the shopping trip.