Weathering with grace

THANKS, all, for the encouraging comments (and the phone call!) I think - I hope - I'm done whining now, and I'm ready to press on. At the beach I was talking with my mom about hard times and how it's interesting that we say there are things we could never handle, or when we're in the middle of really rough situations we say we feel we're going to go crazy or die, but in reality most people just keep going, whether they want to or not. This is both encouraging and dissapointing at the same time - on the one hand, the sun will keep rising and setting and eventually I will experience transistions into other phases of life; on the other hand, I can't make things change or go away just because I rant and rave that I can't stand it or I'm going to lose it (a little like having a baby!). I suppose it's how I ride the storm that counts, of course, and I really want to display grace in everything, so I am praying for God's grace (and his mercy, because I still think it would be nice to feel a little relief). As for the kids, fortunately I think they are mostly unaware of my inner strife. I remember another time when I was going through similar difficulties and I had felt unhappy and distracted most of a particular day - at the end of the day I apologized to Aimee for having been so unglued, and she blissfully replied, "What do you mean?" I realized as I was talking with her about it that she hadn't been aware of any lack in good parenting or even really that it had been the bad day I had considered it - after all, she had played, she had been fed, we had gone through most of the routines that mattered to her, so as far as she was concerned everything was okay. Also over the years I've come to believe (perhaps just to make myself feel better, but perhaps with some real merit!) that it might not even be a good thing if we as mothers were perfect and never betrayed personal struggles - what kind of pressure would that put on our children? Better, I think, that they see me have a bad day (or week, or month, or whatever!) and then pick myself up and start again the way I ask them to - and better, ultimately, that they see that it is not me, but Christ, who is the standard, and that following him does not mean I have a life that is, or appears to be, so perfect as to be unattainable, but instead that all goodness, all strength, and all wisdom comes from him alone. If I am at all good, strong, and wise, it is him in me, and when I fail, when I am weak, and when I don't know whether to turn right or left, I have to seek him all the harder.
So at any rate, we are making it through, and the week is almost done. Dave is working today and has to work a few hours in the morning - I feel bad for him and a little for myself, but everyone is pretty happy nonethless. Aimee and Drew slept all night in Drew's room under a tent they had made (instead of on our floor), and they were very proud of themselves, and Chase said "ma-ma" today, and although I won't go so far as to assert he was actually referring to me, it was still endearing. Ryan has had a good day as well, (thankfully, because when Ryan is having a bad day, everyone is!) and he has had me read "Knuffle Bunny", his new favorite book, already about 10 times just today. :-)