Adorable Chase

Isn't he absolutely gorgeous?!

Just Don't Look Under the Couch!

I had some other moms over yesterday morning, and as they sipped coffee and sampled the raspberry coffee cake I had made that morning, one of them, a young mother of one baby girl, commented demurely, "How do you get everything done?" I almost laughed out loud as I mentally flashed back to about fifteen hours ealier, to the scene of myself lamenting to my poor husband, "I just can't get anything done! I'm exhausted, the kids have been underfoot all day, and the house is a mess! How am I going to have everyone over tomorrow?!"
Thursday had been a pretty rough day, it's true. That morning we had tried to catch up on laundry, do some schoolwork, and keep the house clean all at the same time as we prepared to go to Chick-Fil-A for a playgroup lunch. I should know by now that there's no world on which that can really happen, and result is always the same - nothing at all really gets done. We did get to Chick-Fil-A (priorities, you know!), but even our playdate there was cut short when all the kids carefully escorted a screaming Ryan to where I was sitting and I realized something was really wrong with his left arm. I called Dave, and he and I (with the older two at our friends' house) spent a good part of the afternoon at Urgent Care, where Ryan was ultimately and successfully treated for nursemaid's elbow. After we were done there, I picked up the kids and we returned to the house, all pretty tired. By dinnertime I was so tired it took me an hour to put together a simple taco dinner. I should have taken a thirty-minute rest sometime after Dave came home from work, and that would have saved a good deal of time and energy in the long run, but of course I didn't remember that until too late, so our late dinner (which only half of us actually ate) was pretty stressful and was the stage for my aforesaid scene. Venting a little actually helped me feel somewhat better, but I was still exhausted and went to bed early, leaving a good deal to do for the next morning. I woke up early Friday morning, put on a DVD after breakfast, and hurriedly scrubbed bathrooms and floors, straightened up, and made the coffee cake, just in time for my guests to arrive.
So in that split second as I thought about my friend's comment, I saw what she must have seen as she looked around my fairly clean house and ate my coffee cake - she saw the math lesson on the white board and imagined me happily educating my dear students, she ate the cake and imagined me cheerfully baking with the baby sleeping peacefully on my back, she saw the clean kitchen and imagined me floating through my clean house and caring for my four children with a strength and ability she can't fathom for herself. Mommy -vision is so deceptive! If she had only see the day before, or even an hour or two earlier that morning - if she had just looked under the couch in that instant - she would have seen that things aren't always what they seem. In answer to her question, I simply smiled and said that I don't always get everything done, and that the things I do accomplish with four children are simply a result of toning and strengthening "mommy muscles" over time. But what funny creatures we mothers, we women, are - comparing ourselves to each other, without really seeing the whole picture. :-)

Brush with Tragedy

Today I received a phone call from our pastor's wife, saying that our assistant pastor's wife lost her full-term baby in utero last night. The expectant couple went to the hospital about midnight, expecting to deliver their second baby, only to discover the tragic truth as soon as fetal monitoring began. I don't know them very well, but it still seems strange that something like this should happen to such happy, normal people who just yesterday morning were talking with people at church about their preparations for an ordinary and imminent birth. It will be sad to see the new lines of grief deeply etched in their faces, and difficult to know how to help as I so desperately want to do. I looked at my sweet babies today with a full heart and a heightened sense of thankfulness, and I felt so incredibly sad for this young mother and her thwarted hope.

Teeth

When I was growing up, having loose teeth was one of the worst feelings. I could never proudly wiggle my loose teeth, and heaven forbid my parents should suggest pulling them. As I consider my childhood now, I'm almost certain my children inherited their apparent SI issues from me, because in addition to the horrible sensation I remember from loose teeth, there was a long list of things that gave me the creepy-crawlies and a even a great deal of anxiety. I was very quiet about most of them (some were - are - really wierd!), but I was rather demonstrative about loose teeth, especially when my Dad insisted on pulling them (usually when they were dangling by almost nothing and I refused to eat!), and it still burns in my memory as a very traumatic stage in my childhood. Years later, when Aimee's personality really began to shine, I dreaded the day when she would begin loosing teeth. Last summer when she lost her first tooth, and then her second, with nary a tear and barely a whimper from first wiggle to the final drop, I was amazed. Since then she's lost several more - she even let Dave pull one - and only occassionally has she become bothered or upset by it. In fact, she wiggles and plays with her loose teeth almost constantly when she discovers new ones, thus speeding their demise, I'm sure. Two days ago, when she had finally had it with a stubborn tooth that was hanging by a thread, she announced to her brothers that she was going to pull it - and she did! Yesterday, empowered by her success, she pulled another very loose one, later proudly displaying to her astonished mother the prominent gap made by the missing top and bottom teeth. I'm still mystified how a girl who can't touch construction paper or look at a banana without gagging can so calmly yank her own teeth out of her head, but I'm glad for her (and for us!) that this whole process hasn't been the terror it was for me. It's a little therapuetic for me in a way as well, redeeming a little of my childhood memories. :-)
A quick aside in regard to the Lecture mentioned in my pp - I gave it yesterday morning! *sigh* Aimee woke up with a severely overdeveloped sense of entitlement, and as I was unsuccessfully trying to deal with it, the thought once again grew in my head that if I could just help her understand that what I was requiring of her was well within reason, that in fact I was really quite generous in arranging the schedule so she could have opportunities to read or play in between subjects, opportunities her friend across the street didn't have because blah, blah, blah...(as she stops listening!). Really this just stems from the big ME inside trying to be sure I look benevolent and right to another human, notwithstanding the fact that she's only 7. I was also frustrated by the fact that the 7 year-old in question was, at least in part, opposing me just for the sake of opposition - if I had an idea, it was no good, and I knew she was resisting simply because it was my idea. How maddening that is! While I love her fierce quest for inependence (and I know I shouldn't take it personally, but rather help to cultivate it in the proper channels, etc, etc.), sometimes it does wear me down, and I lose myself to the desire just to be unconditionally liked and approved. By a 7 year-old. :-)

Checking In

I had a long post in the works this weekend - there were so many interesting things that happened in this very busy week, but I didn't have time to write about any particular one, so I had been trying to scan and summarize the entire week. The result, I must admit, was hopelessly boring, so abandoning that effort, I'll just say that we started school this week, and it was a success overall. I thought I might detail some of the things that contributed to that success, but I find I'm too tired now! The only thing I'll mention now is The Never-Bored Kid Book, which I ordered for Ryan last week, and since its arrival Monday, he's done one or two activities a day. It does seem to help fill some of his need for attention in the morning, and he loves being able to have his own "school." He was still challenging at times, of course, and Friday in particular was not a banner day, due in part to the rain that kept him inside. As he became more restless and demanding (and Drew climbed higher on the walls!), my nerves became more frazzled, and Aimee grew steadily less focused and cooperative. At one point I went into Aimee's room to have her start on the next subject, and she protested in exasperation, "How can I play when you keep interrupting me!?" It was all I could do to avoid launching the "If you were in school" lecture - probably the most annoying, not to mention pointless, speech a homeschooling mother could give her children. :-)
This morning Dave had to work, which was dissapointing (long hours mean a good paycheck, of course, but at a certain point we cross a line, after which that benefit is overshadowed by the pressing need to restore Mommy's sanity - we began to flirt with that line today!). But he was done by lunchtime, and then I went to the YMCA to sign up for a family membership. Dave had said he wanted to get into better shape, and I'm sure I could use some of that as well; they also have a stable out of which they give riding lessons, which are quite a bit cheaper for members. At any rate, this would ordinarily be the kind of thing we would discuss indefinitely before actually deciding to do it, but primarily because of the registration deadline for Aimee's riding lessons, we took the plunge today, and I'm excited about it.
Someone is awake, and I ought to be getting ready for church tomorrow, so off I go!

"At the Beach" (plus a little more)

I found this while sorting through some things the other day. Aimee had written it in the car on the way to the beach this past summer, and when I had seen it at the time and wanted to share it, she wouldn't let me. Upon rediscovering it, however, I asked her again, and she agreed this time. It's written on paper with some quirky lines that probably helped her shape the poem, but it's still pretty clever and creative, I think. I'm copying it here exactly as she wrote it, which adds to the charm:

at the Beach

by Aimee P. meester

the sun shining

wer playing

with a ball.

having a fun

time. swimming

in the sea.

crabs skutaling

to and Fro.

the fish are swimming

all day long

wev enjoyd are [our]

visit to the

Beach and we

Hope you will to!

Some tidbits from the boys: Upon learning that the twelve days of Christmas are real, Drew faithfully kept track of each day, and would often remind us that Christmas wasn't over yet. When he woke up yesterday he crawled into bed with us and lamented with all seriousness, "This is the worst day of my life!" Surprised, we asked him why, and he explained, "It's the twelfth day of Christmas! It's over! We have to take the tree down!" He was genuinely upset about this all day. He did find some joy on occasion, however, such as when teasing Ryan in the car later on the way to Wal-Mart. On TV he had heard something about leeches, and so when trying out this new addition to his vocabulary, he naturally thought it was funny to annouce to everyone that Ryan was leech. We smiled, but told him it wasn't really polite to call names. He stopped, but a few seconds later, Ryan, who must have been thinking this over, suddenly protested indignantly, "Drew called me a weech, but I not a weech - I'm a Wyan!" Granted, this was far funnier in person, but still...

Finding a Groove

...or, "Phase One of 'Anne Gets a Grip'". :-) I should preface this by saying that sometimes my blog paints a very grim picture of life here. Often, however, my deepest struggles are internalized, and writing them out just helps me sort through them, but our family life on the whole isn't terrible. This move has been hard, and the past two months have been difficult with sickness and Dave's work schedule, but every once in awhile I realize how thankful we are to be here at last, and that is a very good thing indeed. We have actually had a social life and are renewing old connections as well as making new ones, so slowly but surely, the life we had hoped to have here (again) is falling into place. Even the unpacking situation is really not so bad as I think, either - most of the house is actually unpacked, and there are only two or three areas that still have boxes. That's probably common, and my expectations are very likely too high. That said, there have been some major problems, and I've been a frazzled mess. Reading The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood had already given me some clarity of thought on the matter, and in the latest issue of New Beginnings that came out last week, there was an article that mentioned "Depleted Mother Syndrome", which was enlightening as well. I don't mean to be over-dramatic or to play the victim by putting a name to everything - or even to excuse real shortcomings on my part; on the contrary, defining some of what's going on seems to have helped lift my head above the waters. (And I know that some of you have been praying for me - and I've been praying for you this week, too, Hannah!) At any rate, just the day after my last post, things seemed to flow more peacefully; my thoughts were clearer, I had more patience, and I felt more productive. The trend continued into the week, and last night I when I went to Target, I was able to shop without any of the anxiety attacks I've had in recent months (the kind I would have when trying to get rugs for the floor, for instance - I would simply stare at the choices, the knots in my stomach tightening and my head swirling, with the end result being no purchase at all, and a great deal of frustration spent over a very little thing). This time I bought the rugs I wanted, and then I bought a new vacuum with similar ease. I walked around and saw some school supplies I had been looking for, so I shopped for more of that and also bought some organizational supplies I had needed. It wasn't a wild shopping spree (incidentally, I guess you know you're a homeschooling mom when buying pencils and magnet boards even comes close to a wild spree...), but it was a rare guilt-free, and thus exhilarating, outing, and now there are quite a few less items lingering on the "to purchase" list. Today things continued on the upswing. That's not to say that I made huge strides in the house, or that Ryan was more compliant (or quieter!); I have just been moving forward and feeling a hair ahead, instead of two or three steps behind as I spin around in circles.
So in my recent posts I've enumerated the problems; I would be amiss in failing to detail some of the solutions. (As I type I've just realized that this may bear some resemblance to one of Hannah's posts, but that's quite unintentional.) Some of these I'm already working on, while some are just plans for the near future.

Make a conscious, purposeful effort to be content. Believe it or not sometimes I think this is not a problem for me. "We're not rich, and that's okay with me," until I discover I'm lacking something that's "essential", and my world is just not quite right without it. Again and again I must go through a process of realizing that I am to be content in ALL things, at all times, not just when life is going according to my plan.

Without being indulgent, take better care of myself. Eat better, drink more water (and less caffeine). Incorporate some downtime in my schedule. (Ha, ha, ha ,ha , HA! But seriously, I think I could snatch a few minutes once in awhile)

Pay closer attention to everyone's diet again. We had become careless and hurried about this, but it's time to return to more whole foods.

Enroll Aimee in her coveted riding lessons and consider it therapy (don't threaten to withhold them or use it as a bargaining chip - just take her every week).

Find a chiropractor for Ryan. He falls down and runs into things all the time - maybe if he feels better physically, he might sleep better, and subsequently be more at peace with the world more of the time. It's interesting that most people see him as a happy, laid-back little boy, and are confused when I mention his intensity. I think this is because he's an extrovert , fueled by the energy of other people, so he's naturally happier in social settings (where we're there with him!). He's such an intense little person, though, that it's not long before he drains all the available energy from us here at home. He is fun and cute, but he also needs a great deal of time and attention, and he often needs it very loudly. :-)


Wow, this is long and I probably should have signed off long ago before all of you became bored and bleary-eyed! That's just some of what's going on here; as usual with me, the whole of it would be long and complicated but I'll stop NOW.