More on Our Current Study

I have to admit, no one else in the house has been as excited about our Civil War study as I have, and I've come to accept that. I'm not even exactly sure why I'm so obsessed with it, although I think it has much to do with my passion for it when I was younger, as I mentioned before. It became almost personal for me, because it was so close and tangible. York, SC where I did most of my growing up and it's surrounding area, has a history that winds back far before even the war in question (nearby Kings Mountain National Park commemorates a historic Revolutionary War battle), and the main cemetery is literally crammed full of history, especially pertaining to the mid 19th century. I used to ride my bike there and walk around - yes, for fun - letting my imagination run riot all over the potential stories. There is one fenced plot in particularly that contains the remains of a C.S.A Lieutenant (whose last name I can't remember, but whose first name was Frederick - very romantic, I used to think!) who perished during the war. His relatively young mother died shortly thereafter, and just a few months later, his older father, a doctor whose name I also can't remember, died as well. I used to weave lovely, tragic tales about how the mother, as young Southern belle, must have fallen in love with the older, distinguished doctor, how they must have doted on their dashing only son, and how they must have both died of broken hearts after his heroic death in battle. It probably wasn't anything like that - and certainly they probably would have preferred a long and boring family life instead - but it was thrilling to wonder about it, because they were real people from long ago, whose resting place I could visit on any ordinary day in the ordinary present.

So I can't blame my kids for not having the same kind of enthusiasm I have for this time period, since they don't have anything like the same kind of personal (well, almost) brush with it as I've had. (We've been to Charleston, but they're also not really old enough to be completely enraptured by the significance.) However, just when even their mild interest was beginning to wane, we came across a great book that kept everyone (except the little boys, of course, over whose alternately happy and contentious racket we had to sometimes read very loudly) enthralled for a solid hour this morning. I happened on Ghosts of the Civil War as I was getting ready to leave the library yesterday, and it has turned out to be the best, most colorful and entertaining overviews (for kids) of the war that I've seen yet. I want to buy a copy just for our personal library. But it makes me all the more disappointed in The Story of the World's treatment of the subject. The most interesting literature suggestions are biographies of Abraham Lincoln; otherwise, there are mostly suggestions for dry titles meant for older children who are studying along. It seems like a pretty big disservice to a pretty important topic in American history - but again, maybe I'm just way over the top in my excitement.

We are still reading through The Boys' Civil War and Across Five Aprils, this week adding the title mentioned above, and also The Perilous Road, for Aimee's required reading. Last week we covered 1862, and we reviewed that timeline this morning, briefly discussing the Battle of Shiloh, the Battles of the Seven Days, the Second Battle of Manassas, the Battle of Anteitam at Sharpsburg, and the Battle of Fredicksburg. We also talked a little about some of the more famous generals and other leaders. And last week after our State Museum visit, we bought some coloring books and paper dolls, including some paper soldiers that the boys have been playing with. We'll work our way though 1863 this week, and at the end of the week I'll post about what topics we covered.

An Afterthought

Ok, I realize that my last post was a little bit of an incoherent jumble of more than one train of thought. I would spend some time correcting it, but I haven't got any such time. If you got the gist, then great! If not, never mind!

Two

Two is a hard age. It just IS - and if your two year-old has never driven you to the point of throwing your own tantrum or pulling your hair out, then I don't want to hear from you. Right now there is a particularly -ahem - determined and...um, expressive little fellow of that age living here, and he makes for some interesting times these days. But even during such times, I still love watching the momentous development taking place. Since we don't remember being that age, it behooves us to imagine what it must be like to be so small - so recent, for heaven's sake - and to be awakening to such an enormous thing as one's very personality. It must be overwhelming to grapple with emotions that are bigger than you are, and to know that you CAN go and CAN choose, etc., but that you are still being told at so many turns where you must and mustn't go and what you must and mustn't do. With this in mind, I do try to steer my little ones as gently through this stage as possible, because while I certainly know they can be stubborn and disobedient on occasion, I believe that most of the time, they are just trying to carve out a place in their world. I try to remember, in addition, that our Heavenly Father is infinitely patient with our infantile attempts at holiness - and I believe it's a similar thing. We are learning, the same way a two year-old is learning.

So anyway, my two year-old, who is doing an awful lot of that kind of learning, has been particularly emotional this week, and even as I've comforted him, it's been very interesting to ponder what exactly must be going though him. A couple days ago, the kids were watching Aladdin, and he unexpectedly burst into tears when Aladdin and Jasmine leave for their "Whole New World" carpet ride - because they left the tiger behind. His distress was so pitiful, I wouldn't have dared to laugh. Then last night we watched Homeward Bound (in the absence of new releases this summer, we are exploring some classics!), and about ten times in the hours preceding our movie night, I cautioned the older kids that it was an adventure movie, so there would be some dramatic moments, but that it did have a perfectly happy ending. I stressed this so often because my kids can become rather emotional over those kinds of moments. What's interesting about this is that I don't mean frightening moments - Drew, for instance, watched Lord of the Rings without flinching, but cried bitterly over Eight Below, which was about the adventures of some Husky dogs. A couple of the dogs died, and some were wounded, and if you could have heard anything over his passionate sobs, you could have heard his heart rending in two. And we don't dare show anything that involves a child (animal or human) being parted in any way from a parent or sibling. Never. I am never quite sure, incidentally, if this a result of good parenting or bad parenting - do they simply have very strong, healthy attachments, or have I somehow made them terribly insecure?

But I digress (and it is not all about me, anyway!). My point is that I had told the older kids this so that they could decide whether or not they wanted to watch the movie. I had thought the younger ones would just have a good time watching some animal antics. As it was, the older ones did choose to watch, and made it through admirably. Ryan enjoyed the animals (and the light bathroom humor, predictably), as expected. But this time it was Chase's lower lip that began to quiver when the dogs began to leave, and the cat was still deciding whether to go. "They going to leave the kitty!" Fortunately, the cat followed in short order. But when she fell into the river later in the movie, the floodgates opened. "The kitty in the water! The doggies NOT going to save her!" he wailed, and as I took him out of the room, I tried to console him with the fact that the cat would in fact be ok. "No, she's NOT! She going to go under the w-a-t-e-r..." he argued passionately through unhappy and angry tears. But he also insisted on going back in to see what would happen, and even after mostly calming down, he asked periodically, palms upraised and with some indignation, "WHERE is the kitty?" Her return to the screen was greeted with a shuddering sigh of relief.

We repeated this a few times, whenever any of of the animals met with trouble, and while I didn't like to see him so unhappy, I thought again of how overwhelming...and hard...and at the same time mysteriously wonderful it must be to be two. It IS "terrible" when this two year-old makes permanent marks on the leather couch (groan!) - and, of course, it is "terrific" when he makes funny comments or does new things. But beyond that, here is this relatively new person finding out who he is, what the world is all about, and how he feels about it. It's a big job for such a little guy, but he'll make it - and we'll have such fun (most of the time!) helping him do it.

Our Current Study

I really ought to be cleaning my house right now, because we had a pretty good day of school yesterday - and whenever that is true, it is also true that my house becomes a disaster area. I keep trying to find a solution for this, and I haven't yet! In any case, I will put off the necessary clean-up until after I've posted a little.

We are one week (and two days) into our Civil War study, and in case you missed my Facebook post about this, it is one of my favorite time periods ever. When I was a girl I bought a set of Civil War paper dolls (from the SC State Museum - such fond memories of those homeschool field trips!), which survived well enough for me to bequeath them to Aimee, who plays with them now. We might even display them somewhere for the rest of our study. Anyway, around the same time, I also did extensive research at our local library in the hopes of writing my own Civil War story. A friend of mine (a boy, no less) who had moved to Missouri (Carrie, YOU know who I mean!) was working on it with me. We would develop characters and write parts of the story, which we passed back and forth via those old-fashioned things called letters. I abandoned the idea only after my dad pointed out that it wasn't just a story, but rather an epic - and THAT sounded just a hair too big a project. I wonder, though, if I have those stories tucked away somewhere. They were such great characters (if a trifle over-romantic, and probably smacking of Gone With the Wind).

My only point is that I really, really, love this time period and am so excited to be studying it with the kids! Conversely, I am dissapointed with the treatment The Story of the World gives it (other users please give me your opinion, by the way). I understand there's a great deal to cover in "Modern Times," but I wonder if Susan Wise Bauer, in attempting to cover a wider range of geography (Eastern as well as Western history) and to address a wider range of students all over the globe, has left us with a somewhat diluted version of modern history. I expected at least a good number of literature recommendations, as well as lots of activities to choose from in the activitiy book - but both areas were rather scanty, in my opinion. It's a good thing I had scoured both the Sonlight and the Veritas Press catalogs for literature ideas a couple months ago. It enabled me to develop our own timeline for studying this particular time period, to which we will devote 4 or 5 weeks (I intend to do the same when we hit the other major wars and significant events).

So we are taking the Civil War (or the War for Southern Independence, or the War to Supress Yankee Arrogance, or whatever you want to call it!) one year per week of study. Last week, therefore, upon tackling 1861, we studied the concept of state's rights, secession, Lincoln's inauguration, the attack on Fort Sumter, the Battle of Bull Run, and the blockade. I am trying to hit the major events and record them on a timeline I found the timeline information here. We're also keeping a list of the major battles, who won them, and the generals and/or heros who were highlighted in each.

Some books we're currently using, with many more coming, are: The Boys' War: Confederate and Union Soldiers Talk About the Civil War (a great overview of the War, filled with accounts from actual soldiers), and Across Five Aprils (a fictional story that does an excellent job of expressing the conflicting feelings and opinions of the common folk). There are more, which I will post about later, as we are getting ready to go to the State Museum with some friends to look at some SC Civil War history!

Why We Do What We Do - Part 1

I have long been meaning to write on our parenting, hoping very much, however, to avoid something like a treatise on parenting in general - as, after all, I know very well that we aren't anything like perfect parents, and we aren't even done, so it would be highly presumptive of me to offer advice before being able to present finished products. Anyway, since we are talking parenting philosophy, it is rather against mine to suggest that a particular way of doing things will guarantee a finished product, or that, conversely, a negative, or even just unexpected, result is necessarily a result of bad methods- as far children are concerned, at any rate.

Instead, what I've been hoping to do is to offer an explanation of why we do what we do. Our parenting has almost always been at least a little off the beaten path of most modern parenting styles, and sometimes I think people assume we just don't know what we're doing - when in fact, if we're different, we're different on purpose. We have thought about it, still think about it, and feel strongly about most of it.

So if you wanted to know what in the world we're thinking when we do some of the things we do, then read on. I'll be posting in installments. If you don't care, or still think I'm being highly presumptive, then do skip. I don't want to bore anyone, neither am I trying to convert anyone, particularly since it's often the very nature of parenting that once we think we have things figured out, we realize that we were wrong.

Everything we do as parents, first of all, stems from a desire to raise godly children. Our children are souls (not just superfluous children in an "overpopulated" world), given purposeful life by their Creator, and we take that very seriously. At the same time, we know that these people have hearts and wills of their own. It's our job to immerse them in a Biblical worldview to the best of our ability, to teach and direct them in God's principles, but we know that ultimately, they will make their own choices and will face God on their own. Furthermore, while the Bible is very clear that carefully raising and disciplining our children is our job, it is less specific on the details. We are careful and purposeful, therefore, to avoid confusing the details a culture provides, with ones that are God-ordained, and in fact, we often find ourselves challenging the culture - even the our American church culture - in regards to matters of parenting that have been turned upside down from the very normal expectations we believe God has of us.

One of those that we face on a regular basis is that of family size - or family planning, or birth control, or however you wish to categorize it. From as soon as I was informed enough to think of it, I never had peace about active. modern birth control. I have grown and mellowed enough over the years that I don't feel it necessary at all to project this onto everyone, but what I do feel passionately about is that birth control should not be viewed as something that God requires of us. And I find it extremely interesting that while God almost always refers to children (and many of them) as blessings, and gives many cautions about the potential evils of money, I have never heard anyone say, with a critical eye, "So how much money do you think you're going to make? Don't you think you have enough of it?"
Of course, it is also perfectly natural to be in a place in which it would seem rather inconvenient, if not impossible to have a baby (or to have another one, whatever the case may be). It's a shame, in that case, that so many young women have no understanding whatsoever of the very natural rhythms and checks that God has placed in our own bodies - and indeed, whenever someone says "natural," and endless succession of pregnancies comes to mind, as if we don't trust God to do better than allow our bodies and our finances to be run to ruin. I am sorry to say that I find this actually to be true of many Christians today.
I am not, I would like to stress again, saying that I regard the use of birth control as error in itself (for everyone else), just incorrect assumptions about it. Another one of those assumptions is that birth control is what you use if there's no way in the world, financial or otherwise, that you could possibly have a baby. If that is true, then for heaven's sake, you had better NOT engage in particular activities. Very few methods are 100% percent effective, after all.

So - yes, we DO know how we ended up with four kids (wink, wink - as if it's appropriate at all for complete strangers to make remarks about our private lives); yes, we know we have our hands full; and no, we don't know how many we're going to have. We don't think it's our responsibility to dictate the number, there are very definite reasons (some of which I have omitted, in an effort to avoid too much controversy here) we choose to avoid artificial means of doing so.

School Post, Part 2

Incidentally, I was not, in my last post, making fun of or otherwise disparaging the child in question as I was illustrating the frenetic downward spiral our mornings often take. I wanted to be quite clear on that. But I did forget to mention myself closing the math book in a huff and announcing in frustration that Daddy would have to take someone to the nearest public school for enrollment. Oh, dear. A handful of M&Ms and a heartfelt apology was in order after that particular incident. It's not as if public school is the worst thing in the world, but it isn't fair, as I mentioned already, for me to be constantly unsure about what we're doing, and much more so for me say it out loud (which I absolutely hadn't meant to do). It makes going to school sound like a punishment, and it leaves a person who craves a solid foundation feel insecure, which certainly doesn't help matters in the least.

I also didn't reiterate that this student does very well when all cylinders of a good, unchanging, and highly structured routine are firing. It is making sure that they are that is the main trouble, as well as making sure we know what all that routine needs to entail, because this person, as I've mentioned in the past, can be somewhat complicated. I've been thinking once again that I may need to seek counseling again. We had gone a couple of years ago, and had been promptly referred to a psychiatrist, at which point all members of my support system in the process took some steps back, unsure if that was really the course to take. Indeed, I myself didn't want to begin down a path that might overdiagnose and overcomplicate the situation, and some things did get better. But I have wondered lately if we have been coping with and accepting as normal some behavior patterns that may rear up in uglier and more unmanageable ways later. I have done it all my life, after all, and have allowed some abnormal anxiety habits to define not only my life but that of my family. I don't want to make constant excuses for myself or to wallow around with a crippled mentality, of course, and I don't want my child to do it. But there are certainly things I should have dealt with, for everyone's benefit, early on, and I don't want to let similar things slide in this growing person's life, hoping they will be able to suck it up or grow out of it, to that individual's great detriment later.

Yes, I am just trying to convince myself of the best thing to do - to your detriment, no doubt, if you are still reading!

But you know - I am actually thankful for these complicated and not-so-easy children, because they are all highly intelligent people who know what they want, do not let themselves be pushed around, and can articulate their thoughts and desires with often astounding clarity. Sure, it means that homeschooling hasn't been as "easy" as perhaps I thought it would be and sleep has always been at a premium around here, because, I believe, no one stops thinking for very long. My mom has observed more than once that we don't have any truly laid-back children, and I have to agree with her. But I wouldn't trade them for anything (forgive the cliche) - and I think I may actually survive raising them.

The School Post - You Knew It Was Coming

My last couple have posts have been replete with typos and other errors - it's a wonder any of you understood what I was saying, but it seems you got the gist of it.

Things have continued to be busy at home, and not so busy for Dave at work. We are, on all levels, learning how to trust the Lord in all things. In regard to work, for obvious reasons, as it is always desirable to be able to pay the bills, and in regard to home, because...well, because our homeschool year hasn't kicked off as smoothly as I would have hoped. Again, I find myself second-guessing myself in regard to one particular child, and wondering if I can really do what is best for that child here at home. We have already had more than one day in which I've called Dave to say that I can not do it. But I have no peace about the public school, and can't afford private school - why do I keep coming back to this?! My waffling surely isn't good for said child. With the others so far, I feel no such indecision, and I'm quite sure that being here is best for them, so it isn't homeschooling itself that is troubling me, just this one person - this one incredibly smart and determined person, mind you. But if there are no other viable options right now, then God must provide the answer for how to make this work... without us harming each other.

The bottom line, as usual, is that this person works best under very defined structure, in which there is little wiggle room, because if you give this person an inch... It happens that because of Dave being out of town half the year, we've had to allow lots of inches. Some of my kids have done just fine with the flexibility, but this person has developed an even larger sense of entitlement than usual, and trying to regain good habits and routine has been a bear. 8:30 in the morning is "WAY too early" - what kind of a mom insists on her kids being awake by then, and doing their CHORES, and not reading at the table, and - WHAT?! - math? Math is pointless, torturous, and there's no way it can be done SO early in the morning, especially if one hasn't had time to "rest," then get some fresh air and exercise first....and oh, by the way, when you teach me, I don't understand ANYTHING you're saying, and I don't remember anything we've ever learned...and WHY are you so upset at me??? And by then it's almost lunchtime, we haven't accomplished anything, and the little ones have upended my house, which further frazzles my nerves. Both for myself as well as for this dear one, I don't want to keep battling constantly over everything. Since making it though just one school week can be exhausting, I wonder sometimes how we'll survive years more. And usually I can honestly say that most of my frustration stems from a desire to have this person be HAPPY and to have pleasant memories of education.

I keep coming full circle, of course, as I've done in more than one post already.

On a positive note, history is almost always a happy subject for everyone here, and we are getting ready to study the Civil War - just about my favorite time period ever. We plan to spend at least a month on it, since there are so many great books to read, and reading is another subject in which we delight. Aimee, of course, practically lives on reading, I have been so amazed and pleased to see Drew devouring chapter books these days, and Ryan showing a decided interest in learning to read (but wasn't he just my baby?! I'm not sure I'm ready for him to be exploring Kindergarten, but he is of a different opinion.) So it's not all a disaster, and I hang on to those glimmers of success!