Also last night, I had the opportuntity to have some rare one-on-one time with Chase. I had a couple of errands to run, and then we went to get ice cream. Now, this kid did NOT deserve ice cream. He was difficult today, to put it mildly. He's been difficult all week. We're having a tough time with him in many areas lately, and so much of our ineractions with him are battles. We don't want to fight him, we don't know why he even does fight about some things, but whatever is the issue, he's been extra challenging, and on days like yesterday, spending extra time with him - and going to get a treat, no less - seems like the opposite of what should be done.
But grace.
When we get busy, it's sometimes easy to fall into the trap of offering kids rewards, or threatening to withhold good things, just to keep them going from one thing to the next. In principle, I hate this - I think it's like dangling carrots in front of donkeys, and children aren't donkeys. In practice, it happens sometimes, and yesterday, while trying to get everyone out the door, I almost made the ice cream trip conditional. "Look, if you won't give me any trouble while we get in the car, if you'll behave during quiz practice, if you'll be good...then we'll go get ice cream together when the older kids go to their activities." I think I even started to say it. But I thought better of it, knowing in my heart that what a friend and I talked about once was true - that often the kids we want to keep at an arm's length, are the kids we need to draw in and keep close.
So I didn't make the ice cream trip conditional on anything. We just went - this rough-and-tumble, dirt-dusted, full of fire and untamed energy boy and I.
He wasn't particularly less challenging afterwards or anything, but I believe that eventually grace will win here - not me, not him, but grace.
And Graeter's sorbet is just a win anytime, so there's that.
