A Fifth Wheel?

So once upon a time, I had four young children, and there were people who actually asked, "You're done, right? Because the last thing you need is another one." So I wonder what they thought when I announced we were having "another one." What did we need another kid for, anyway?

 Because there's only ONE Scarlett Jane just like this in the whole wide world. What a gift is our petite, girly but tough, funny, stylish, introspective, smart and witty girl! We've only had three years with her, and we can't imagine life without her. Happy Birthday, little miss!

And Then There's My Dad...

I blogged about my mom on Mother's Day, and I'm afraid I have to use the same picture from that post today, on Father's Day. I need access to some more old pictures, I guess! At any rate, same picture, but different parent, as today it is, naturally, about my dad.

I am fairly certain that at the beginning of his parenting journey, he didn't know he was going to be the dad of four daughters, and he certainly had no notion of all that would entail. But I do know that if he ever wanted a son, he never mentioned it, and never seemed anything but happy to be the dad of all daughters, in good times and bad. And he always seemed to have a pretty good time with us at that. He was a pastor since before we could remember, and while that came with its own challenges and meant he was really "on call" 24/7, it also meant he had flexible hours that allowed him to be involved in our days. I always thought that was pretty neat. 

My dad is also a little...um...quirky, which meant that our family was a little different in many ways, and while  during some stages of my life I might have wished we were more like the elusive "everyone else," most of the time I really appreciated our uniqueness. I certainly appreciate it now that my own family is unique in many ways, and being familiar with being the upstream-swimming fish has proven to be useful. I also appreciate that my dad's quirky-ness meant that as we were growing up, we learned to explore the paths off the beaten roads and all the nooks and crannies of buildings we happened to be spending time in for one reason or another. Even now, any path or staircase that presents itself makes me ask, either my kids or even just myself, "I wonder where that goes?" (And often we go find out!) 

My mom is busy and outgoing, and I've already shared how she has used that in neat ways for our family. Some of my sisters are like her, and that serves them well, too. My dad is much more introverted (although most people find him funny and friendly, so he's not completely anti-social!), and I am more like him in that way, so I've always found him to understand things about me that no one else would. So thanks for that, dad! He's a reader, as I am, and we like to share interesting tidbits about things we've read and learned, all of which I've appreciated over the years. And as one of the most knowledgeable people about the Bible that I know, he's also been my go-to person about all things biblical and spiritual. He taught us pretty much everything about the Bible and our faith that I brought into my adulthood, in fact, and he was faithful to give it to us straight. I was talking with a friend just yesterday about how I think tidy Sunday School lessons are quite destructive in giving kids a sanitized view of the Bible, and how grateful I was that growing up, my dad read to us and with us from books like Judges, which could hardly be described as tidy or sanitized. 

In short, I really looked up to my dad throughout my childhood and into my adulthood...and then there came a time when he let me down in a rather big and public way. And it was awful. Now wait! Before you're thinking, "What a nice Father's Day gift! Would her dad like a little lemon juice for that cut?" I'm pretty sure he knows that was a bad time. I think our whole family can be honest about that. In fact, our honesty about that whole time was pretty raw at times, and I think my words now are rather tame! I'll also admit that it's probably just as true that I let him down and wronged him at times during that unhappy era, and I can't even remember if I asked his forgiveness for any of it. If I didn't, I hope he forgives me now.

 At any rate, it's true that in that dark, dark time, I doubted for a time whether anything about anything he ever taught me was really true. Could it be, when it seemed he had turned the whole world on its head? And then, after a little while, I began to claim things I still knew to be true, and I realized that while my Dad wasn't the Way, he had still shown me the Way...and I still believed it and wanted to live it. That was more than a little something! I don't think he knows how that time grew me and stretched me in ways I never would have experienced otherwise. I know he wouldn't want to repeat things, of course, and none of us enjoyed the sadness and pain and everything else that accompanied that time, but out of the ashes grew life. There came joy and certainty in knowing that my faith isn't based on a person, but on something real that I chose, that I would still choose even if those who taught it to me gave it up (they haven't, just so you know). There came freedom in knowing that no one is perfect...and therefore that I don't have to be perfect. There came more grace and more mercy in all this, and all of that has been good. 

On Mother's Day I talked about how my mom is a little crazy because she's this amazing woman who thinks she's not all that special. On this Father's Day, I also have a dad who thinks - or thought - that he failed us, when in reality, the life he gave us growing up was one we (or at least I, but I think I'm not alone) wouldn't have traded to be like "everyone else." In reality, even in the hardest times, he taught us and loved us, and I wouldn't want to have traded him, either. So thanks, Dad, for being different and quirky, introverted and thoughtful, so very knowledgeable and yet so very human (that really has been a gift, whether you think so or not!). Thanks for everything you've taught us and every path we've wandered, and also for all the Magnum P.I and Brisco County, Jr. episodes...because those were just a lot of fun!

And Then We Had a Teenager

Once upon a time, I had a baby - a tiny, beautiful little girl who charmed all who met her.

And today, she becomes a teenager.

I guess I should be shocked this day has come - "How did she grow up so fast?" And yet, Aimee has always  seemed rather grown up. These milestones in her life rarely catch me by surprise, as, mature beyond her years, she always seems more than ready for them. I think it doesn't overwhelm her to be a teenager now, neither with trepidation nor with an abundance of excitement. It's a special birthday, of course, but she's never had a longing to be steeped in teen culture, and I love that she isn't. She's smart and savvy, friendly and outgoing - she can mingle with her peers and enjoy outings designed for their age group. But she also knows she's just a girl, growing into a young woman and making her place in a much larger tapestry. When she does things like volunteer to spend a weekend working in Oklahoma with her dad - leaving her friends, her electronics, her books, her leisure time - I am always so proud of her. And a little in awe (she doesn't get the willingness to make spontaneous decisions about hopping in a van and driving overnight to work all weekend from me!).

I do see some of me in her, of course. She loves good books and she loves to write. I love that as as has grown and matured, we've been able to discuss things like writing and our favorite books on a closer level. These past few months, it's been like having a ready-made book club in the house! We read and discuss young adult dystopian and fantasy novels, sure, but we've also discussed things like Les Miserables and the works of Jane Austen, because Aimee, with her eclectic tastes, is just nifty that way. And it's just nifty to spend time talking and sharing with her, of course. Her arrival into the teen years has brought us closer, rather than driven the too-common and too-sad generational wedge that is supposed to be a hallmark of this time in a child's life. 

Adolescence comes with its challenges, of course, both for her and for us as parents. Aimee isn't immune, and we're not perfect parents. But, just as she takes this thirteenth birthday in stride, we don't fear it or the teen years ahead. Those years and birthdays are just numbers, marking her growth and maturity, rather than her descent into some suspended and mystical state of life in which she has all the fun she can and she finds her way apart from us while we bite our nails in fear. We will encourage her to enjoy her youth, certainly, but we will also "spur her on toward love and good deeds" as she grows into who she was created to be. And we'll enjoy this great person and friend who is emerging out of that tiny baby we once held. 

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Love you, Aimee Perrine! Happy 13th Birthday!