I mentioned in a previous post that if we had a family theme for the year, it would be "faith over fear." When the turning of the new year also brought us back to more or less "formal" learning - okay, mostly "less!" - we tried to continue to apply that theme to our learning as well, and even more purposefully than ever. Choosing faith in any situation is not always easy, and choosing faith over fear in the area of education is certainly one of those times. In the first place, fear seems to come naturally when it comes to parenting. We want to do only the right things when it comes to raising our children, and often, it's hard to know what the right thing is. In the second place, education, and more specifically, public education, has become an idol in our society. As such, it has an insatiable appetite for time, money, and other resources, and, like all false gods, it rules by feeding fear.
After all, what can you do against claims that a good education is the foundation for personal and national success and prosperity? How can you deny anything to a system that claims to provide this, and how in the world can you, one set of parents with no teacher education and vastly limited resources compared to the system (limited - ha! just now I'm out of just about everything, even paper!), possibly imagine to offer such an education to your children. I think this is what gives rise to one of the most common questions we still hear, despite the fact that homeschoolers have proven themselves again and again - "How do you know if they're learning what they're supposed to be learning? How do you know if they're on track with other kids their age?" I posted some time ago about how a relative even challenged me with, "So you think you'll be able to teach EVERYTHING they need to know in high school?" Quite a tall order, that. Studies come out periodically assuring us (time after time) that homeschoolers are, in fact, doing just fine, but sometimes even these can bind us to the system of fear-mongering. One asserted that structured homeschoolers do just as well as, and even a little better than, public school students, but unstructured homsechooling leaves kids behind. I think that's supposed to be reassuring, but in reality, I think it just feeds the fear and adds to the pressure we already feel. Structured? What exactly is that supposed to mean, and how many of us homeschool moms feel we're offering a structured educational environment? And here's a study showing that the unstructured learning that's probably happening in most of our homes is bad. So I think those kind of studies are probably a way for the system to acknowledge (grudgingly) the success of homeschooling, while still maintaining itself as the standard.
Embrace a new standard.
I think that's the first step in choosing faith over fear in the education of our children, because
Fear tells lies, while faith tells the truth.
Among the lies we allow ourselves to believe are that the government system is the standard, and that we are ill-equipped in resources and training. The truth is that the system in relatively new in the grand scheme of things, and that it isn't doing such a terrific job. After all, it gives itself a "C" average nationally. It demands enormous resources of all kinds, but isn't delivering glowing results. Those who have their children in public schools can't - and don't, because of course I know some great parents who are involved and responsible - just toss their kids in and let the system do its job. It always seems to me that they have to do a fair amount of work to make sure that their children are getting what they need. So the truth is that every parent must be involved in their children's education, and furthermore, that God requires us to teach and train them. The truth is that if he asks us to do it, then we're perfectly qualified to do so. Another wonderful truth is that God created us to discover and learn. Babies learn at amazing rates. They don't just cease when they reach kindergarten age, and become a blank slate, on which you must etch perfectly timed skills and knowledge. It's amazing to me what they continue to learn, with minimal instruction. For instance, I remember being worried about the right time to teach Aimee to read and to do things like learn how to use scissors. Believe me, I didn't have to teach my current (almost) five year-old how to use scissors! And he's learned his letters, numbers, and a whole host of other things on the fly, certainly without sitting down with me for any amount of time at all. He's just immersed in a world where it's all around him, and his perfectly designed brain is picking it up and mastering it just as God planned it.
Obviously we have our fair share of days, weeks, and months, in which we feel "behind," or feel like we haven't done much of anything at all, but even in those times, I have to remember that
Fear highlights failure, while faith sees things that perhaps can't actually yet be seen!
Education based on faith rather than fear has to look toward the long term rather than the short. It has to remember that a nine year-old boy who would probably fail a timed math test but can answer the questions correctly aloud from a math lesson isn't failing, but will ultimately be a success. And when I send him to practice his violin, and instead he gets distracted picking a song out by ear on the piano, fear says, "He can't stay focused! How is he every going to do such-and-such-and-such if he can't follow instructions??" But faith says, "He has a great ear for music, and he's unafraid to use it! What a great skill to have" (And then maybe after the hundredth time he's played that particular tune, it reminds him to go ahead and get to his violin practice.) He's nine. There's still plenty of time to learn how to follow instructions blindly. But obviously our children's shortcomings aren't the only failures that keep us bound to fear. Those days in which we stay in our pajamas until almost lunchtime, and don't get around to getting our kids started on school until later when we're doing Latin in the car on the way back from Chic-fil-a (ahem) can make us panic that we've wasted time, we're behind, we failed the day, etc. etc. etc. But faith sees that the kids played Ivanhoe outside in the beautiful weather, and read from The Adventures of Robin Hood, and packed for a trip to South America. Fear says that if they don't know how to be structured, organized, or know how to take tests, they won't be able to go to college and then become productive citizens. (In my experience, fear is always the voice saying , "What if...?" That's not from God.) Faith says that war games and creative play foster good relationship skills and problem solving abilities, that reading good literature is joining in the Great Conversation, and that going to South America with your father for a week is an invaluable experience on all kinds of learning levels. Actually, this is another time that faith rejects the false standard put before us by the system, and defines success differently. I was encouraged in this a couple months ago in one of our homeschool moms' meetings. One of the moms was talking about a friend of hers, who had used unschooling in the education of her children. They read for hours each day and did little structured schooling. It had been a good experience, and the kids were now grown and enjoying their respective places in society. Another mom asked, "What about things like math?" The first mom replied, "Well, my friend will admit that her kids aren't great at Algebra, but her oldest is a ballet dancer in Europe. He has an exciting, satisfying life." I would rather have my children grow up to be vibrant, creative people than just to train them to be students who are good at worksheets.
For the record, I think math is a worthwhile pursuit. We are a little more structured than that particular mom, and, frankly, a lot less structured than some other families. But I have slowly been learning over the years to avoid comparing myself even with other homeschool families. Not only are there a variety of styles that work for different people, and most of them not better than the others - just different - but also, I think that
Fear marginalizes, while faith....doesn't.
We marginalize ourselves when we feel sure we're the only ones who do or don't [fill in the blank], and often we're marginalized by others, when they say (well-meaning though they may be), "Oh, I could never homeschool. You must be so organized, patient, etc, etc,. That has never encouraged me, and I doubt most moms are encouraged by it. Rather, I think it makes us feel more like failures, because we know we aren't more organized or patient than anyone else, and is it really such a hard thing that normal people can't do it? But that's how fear rules, by that voice in the back of your mind that says, "It really is too hard, and you really aren't good enough for it, like the tiny minority of super-organized moms who are." Faith believes that anyone can choose to homeschool, and that it looks different for everyone (the truth is that some people are incredibly organized and structured, which is great for them), but that's just fine.
Really, it's all the same thing, I guess. Faith believes that we CAN, that our children CAN, that God created them to learn, and that he gave us the mandate and the ability to teach them. We don't anyone else's approval or affirmation (although, also for the record, we do comply with the law, as it generally better to be on the right side of it than not!). But as I wrap this up, please know that I'm contemplating a day at the end of which I thought, "Maybe I should be afraid, That was pretty bad." In fact, the whole of January wasn't really what I hoped it would be, and while I keep thinking I'm just "getting into the swing of things," I realized recently that the school is more than halfway through. This IS my "swing of things," for better or for worse. So no one should take this as a treatise from an expert (as if they would in the first place!), and in fact, I suppose you should all take this with a grain or two of salt, since we haven't graduated anyone yet. It's entirely possible this whole thing will go down in spectacular flames and I'll look back one day and see all my glaring mistakes and failures....
Faith over fear, faith over fear!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Excuses, Excuses
One day this past week, I gave one of my children (who shall remain nameless, but whose identity will inevitably become apparent in the course of this story, I'm sure) a math fact sheet to do. We had a busy afternoon ahead, and I knew we wouldn't get an entire math lesson done, but I figured we would sneak something in, so that we could say we had done math that day. Not surprisingly, the child balked (a mild term for the scene of moaning and groaning that ensued, but anyway...). I encouraged the child simply to do his best at it, and to start with the easy ones. I emphasized that I wasn't after perfection - I just wanted him to give it a go.
That was in his room. About fifteen minutes later, he meandered downstairs. I asked him if the fact sheet was done. "Um...fact sheet?"
Of course. So I asked him to bring it down to me...which he did. He slapped it on the table, and then left. I called to him and asked him to come see me. When eventually he found his way over, and I reminded him that I had asked him to bring me the fact sheet, he replied that he had done just that. I hadn't specified that I wanted him to stay. So I most lovingly and patiently asked him to sit down, and I placed the fact sheet in front of him, gently repeating my instructions on how I wished him to work on it. Ahem. Actually, I may have been getting a little testy by then...which didn't put me in the best of moods to handle the additional moaning, groaning, wailing, complaining, etc, etc, etc. that followed. He insisted it was too loud downstairs, that he didn't know all the facts on the sheet, that there were too many facts, that I was being unfair to expect him to do all that, that math was unfair, that life was unfair! Succeed, fail, or come somewhere in between, but I dislike excuses, and encourage my children to avoid making them. Ever so...um, sweetly...I reminded him of that again, but by that point, he had ceased to hear anything I was saying, so I set the timer and threatened...er, told him that he needed to make some kind of acceptable progress on that sheet in the allotted time, or he would miss the activities at church that night.
The time was up, and he had still done nary a fact, so we...discussed...the situation a little further. He repeated his objections that there was too much noise in the room, that there were too many facts, that I was unfair. And then he came up with the best excuse I think I've ever heard - and I've already mentioned how much I love excuses.
"But I was doing them in my head. You don't believe me? You don't trust me?"
Oh, well, in that case... I wish you had said something sooner! We could have avoided this whole thing if I had known I just needed get out my magic mind-reader machine so I could see the progress going on in your head!
You can imagine the tension in the room was pretty high by that point. It had been at least a half an hour, and nothing had been accomplished except that we were both exasperated, he was in tears and was grounded, and there was no feeling of victory on my part in having meted out the punishment. I believe in being firm...but I also believe in fairness, and when tempers had cooled a few minutes later, I repented of my haste. He's a child, after all. What was my excuse for losing my temper over a piece of paper? I explained to him that we had both been wrong, and that I would withdraw the punishment, if he would work on the facts while we were out and about. And then I forgot to bring the fact sheet along, so we did the thing we should have done in the first place. We spent a few minutes in the car having him recite the multiplication table out loud, which he did with ease and with no tears.
So what's the moral here? Initially I was writing this simply to share a funny and exasperating story. I felt I had to give him some credit for the "I was doing it in my head" excuse. But what I also thought was ironic was that the excuse actually hit close to a truth., because in the end, doing it in his head is pretty much what we ended up doing. If I'm being totally honest, I had thrust the piece of paper on him because I had one of those moments in which I reasoned that eventually he's going to have to be able to do an assignment with pencil and paper, without me prodding him every step of the way. And I suppose that's my excuse for having asked him to do something out his comfort zone on a day we were in a hurry, which would make it doubly hard for him.
Way to go, me! But no one is perfect...and that's ok. It was just a good reminder for him and me that we need to do our best with our best, and not try to force things OR to make excuses when we fail. Live and learn.
That was in his room. About fifteen minutes later, he meandered downstairs. I asked him if the fact sheet was done. "Um...fact sheet?"
Of course. So I asked him to bring it down to me...which he did. He slapped it on the table, and then left. I called to him and asked him to come see me. When eventually he found his way over, and I reminded him that I had asked him to bring me the fact sheet, he replied that he had done just that. I hadn't specified that I wanted him to stay. So I most lovingly and patiently asked him to sit down, and I placed the fact sheet in front of him, gently repeating my instructions on how I wished him to work on it. Ahem. Actually, I may have been getting a little testy by then...which didn't put me in the best of moods to handle the additional moaning, groaning, wailing, complaining, etc, etc, etc. that followed. He insisted it was too loud downstairs, that he didn't know all the facts on the sheet, that there were too many facts, that I was being unfair to expect him to do all that, that math was unfair, that life was unfair! Succeed, fail, or come somewhere in between, but I dislike excuses, and encourage my children to avoid making them. Ever so...um, sweetly...I reminded him of that again, but by that point, he had ceased to hear anything I was saying, so I set the timer and threatened...er, told him that he needed to make some kind of acceptable progress on that sheet in the allotted time, or he would miss the activities at church that night.
The time was up, and he had still done nary a fact, so we...discussed...the situation a little further. He repeated his objections that there was too much noise in the room, that there were too many facts, that I was unfair. And then he came up with the best excuse I think I've ever heard - and I've already mentioned how much I love excuses.
"But I was doing them in my head. You don't believe me? You don't trust me?"
Oh, well, in that case... I wish you had said something sooner! We could have avoided this whole thing if I had known I just needed get out my magic mind-reader machine so I could see the progress going on in your head!
You can imagine the tension in the room was pretty high by that point. It had been at least a half an hour, and nothing had been accomplished except that we were both exasperated, he was in tears and was grounded, and there was no feeling of victory on my part in having meted out the punishment. I believe in being firm...but I also believe in fairness, and when tempers had cooled a few minutes later, I repented of my haste. He's a child, after all. What was my excuse for losing my temper over a piece of paper? I explained to him that we had both been wrong, and that I would withdraw the punishment, if he would work on the facts while we were out and about. And then I forgot to bring the fact sheet along, so we did the thing we should have done in the first place. We spent a few minutes in the car having him recite the multiplication table out loud, which he did with ease and with no tears.
So what's the moral here? Initially I was writing this simply to share a funny and exasperating story. I felt I had to give him some credit for the "I was doing it in my head" excuse. But what I also thought was ironic was that the excuse actually hit close to a truth., because in the end, doing it in his head is pretty much what we ended up doing. If I'm being totally honest, I had thrust the piece of paper on him because I had one of those moments in which I reasoned that eventually he's going to have to be able to do an assignment with pencil and paper, without me prodding him every step of the way. And I suppose that's my excuse for having asked him to do something out his comfort zone on a day we were in a hurry, which would make it doubly hard for him.
Way to go, me! But no one is perfect...and that's ok. It was just a good reminder for him and me that we need to do our best with our best, and not try to force things OR to make excuses when we fail. Live and learn.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Reflections on 2011
I've been meaning to write this for several days now, but I suppose since the new year is still quite young, it's all still good! At any rate, I don't typically make New Year's resolutions, but I do like to reflect on the previous year, and ponder hopes for the coming year, so I enjoyed this article from Vision Forum. I admit, though, that while I appreciate the folks at Vision Forum , I did snicker a little at the idea of writing a week-by-week summary of 2011. Right. I'll get right on that!
But I think I have time to write about our year using the bullet points he suggests, so here goes:
Where did I/we travel?
We took the kids on their first plane trip early in the year, back to SC to visit family, including my globe-trotting sister, Erica. Then in September, we drove down to Edisto Island, one of our favorite places on earth, for vacation. Both were great visits.
What were the most important sermons I heard this year?
Perhaps it would be a good idea to write down influential sermons/talks. But I didn't this year.
What books/articles did I write?
Ahem.
What significant household projects did we accomplish in 2011?
Well, we...that is, I...that is...um.....
What were the most important meetings of the year?
We obviously are not important enough to have "meetings," unless you count those great meetings Dave has had at work, in which his work ethic and effectiveness at his new job has been noted.
What special friendships were made this year?
Oh, I love this one, because we have in fact made some special friendships. We met some great people at the first church we attended here, and although we don't go there anymore, we still keep in touch with some of those people. In particular, I've made a great friend in Christen, who shares my affinity for gentle parenting and natural (ish) living (which I think she probably does better than I do). We even made our own deodorant together once, and I think that's a pretty bonding experience! And in fact, when she had to go back to work, I began keeping her darling baby, who is welcomed into the happy (hopefully) chaos of our home two days a week. Hers is a friendship I certainly cherish. Also, La Leche League never fails to deliver kindred spirits, and the kids and I have made some connections with friends there. And in our newer church, we are slowly but surely making connections there.
Which children lost teeth, and how many?
Who grew in physical stature, and how much did they grow?
Who learned to read this year?
Ryan did, in fact!
What diet and physical exercise regimen did I maintain to honor “my temple”?
What books did I read? Did we read as a family? Did my children read?
Somewhere, I've kept a record of this. Probably in more than one place, actually. I'm not about to dig all that out and try to consolidate it for the purpose of this post. Suffice it to say that we did a lot of reading. The one thing that all four advanced readers in the house read was the Underland Chronicles, and it was interesting to have discussions about it around the dinner table.
What Scriptures did my family memorize?
As a family, we dove into select chapters of Hebrews and 1 Peter, since that's what the older kids are doing in Bible quizzing this year. The kids also picked up numerous verses from church.
What loved ones died this year?
What a sad thing to remember! I wish I could say no one, but in fact Dave's cousin took his own life in February. It was shocking and heartbreaking, and I certainly hope 2012 holds nothing anything like it.
Moving along (and skipping a few points, or I'll never get done with this!)...
What are the top ten themes of 2010 for my family?
Ten! How about one? I've posted about how Scarlett's birth (albeit in 2010) was one that helped us choose faith over fear, and the whole of 2011 really was about that for - faith over fear. The year began with questions about Scarlett's health and future, and we found great comfort in choosing faith in that situation...and then great joy in discovering that she was perfectly healthy after all. Then the situation with our house in SC didn't go as planned, and spiralled downward until it went into foreclosure. That obviously wasn't supposed to happen! We still don't understand the plan there, and we certainly wish things we going down a much different path...but we still choose faith in God's providence over fear. In that, as well as in other situations this year, we don't claim to have achieved a perfect attitude of faith, but it's something that has grown our family by leaps and bounds this past year. May it continue to do so in this new year...but may God also have mercy in his teaching methods!
Happy New Year, everyone!
But I think I have time to write about our year using the bullet points he suggests, so here goes:
Where did I/we travel?
We took the kids on their first plane trip early in the year, back to SC to visit family, including my globe-trotting sister, Erica. Then in September, we drove down to Edisto Island, one of our favorite places on earth, for vacation. Both were great visits.
What were the most important sermons I heard this year?
Perhaps it would be a good idea to write down influential sermons/talks. But I didn't this year.
What books/articles did I write?
Ahem.
What significant household projects did we accomplish in 2011?
Well, we...that is, I...that is...um.....
What were the most important meetings of the year?
We obviously are not important enough to have "meetings," unless you count those great meetings Dave has had at work, in which his work ethic and effectiveness at his new job has been noted.
What special friendships were made this year?
Oh, I love this one, because we have in fact made some special friendships. We met some great people at the first church we attended here, and although we don't go there anymore, we still keep in touch with some of those people. In particular, I've made a great friend in Christen, who shares my affinity for gentle parenting and natural (ish) living (which I think she probably does better than I do). We even made our own deodorant together once, and I think that's a pretty bonding experience! And in fact, when she had to go back to work, I began keeping her darling baby, who is welcomed into the happy (hopefully) chaos of our home two days a week. Hers is a friendship I certainly cherish. Also, La Leche League never fails to deliver kindred spirits, and the kids and I have made some connections with friends there. And in our newer church, we are slowly but surely making connections there.
Which children lost teeth, and how many?
Aimee lost her last baby tooth this year, which does make me a bit sentimental. Drew didn't loose any baby teeth, but he did run into a wall - really - and break off half a front permanent tooth the day after Christmas. This was distressing to me, but both Drew and his father shrugged it off. Drew even told me it wasn't "the end of the world." Still, we're thankful for modern dentistry! Just a few days before that, Ryan lost his second baby tooth, his first in the usual way (the very first, to the dismay of my mother heart, he knocked out when he was a baby). And of course, Scarlett gained quite a few teeth this year - eight total (and pretty much all at once, which made for some pretty fun times).
Who grew in physical stature, and how much did they grow?
Well, they grew, I know that. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I didn't keep track. But I know that Aimee achieved 5 feet, Drew's ankles began to peep out of his pant legs toward the end of the year, and Chase closed the gap between himself and Ryan, further fueling those "Are they twins?" questions. And Scarlett reached 30 inches, putting herself into the 10th percentile, which was quite an achievement for her. She's still a little miss, but her short stature no longer poses any questions about her health, as all tests revealed complete health and wholeness.
Who learned to read this year?
Ryan did, in fact!
What diet and physical exercise regimen did I maintain to honor “my temple”?
I did the Couch to 5k training program earlier this year, and found it invigorating and rewarding! Then I drifted back to the "couch," as it were, so at the end of the year, I resolved to do it again, which process began this week. Also, as I've explained, I went almost completely dairy free at the beginning of the year, and continue that voluntarily. I've really never been healthier.
What books did I read? Did we read as a family? Did my children read?
Somewhere, I've kept a record of this. Probably in more than one place, actually. I'm not about to dig all that out and try to consolidate it for the purpose of this post. Suffice it to say that we did a lot of reading. The one thing that all four advanced readers in the house read was the Underland Chronicles, and it was interesting to have discussions about it around the dinner table.
What Scriptures did my family memorize?
As a family, we dove into select chapters of Hebrews and 1 Peter, since that's what the older kids are doing in Bible quizzing this year. The kids also picked up numerous verses from church.
What loved ones died this year?
What a sad thing to remember! I wish I could say no one, but in fact Dave's cousin took his own life in February. It was shocking and heartbreaking, and I certainly hope 2012 holds nothing anything like it.
Moving along (and skipping a few points, or I'll never get done with this!)...
What are the top ten themes of 2010 for my family?
Ten! How about one? I've posted about how Scarlett's birth (albeit in 2010) was one that helped us choose faith over fear, and the whole of 2011 really was about that for - faith over fear. The year began with questions about Scarlett's health and future, and we found great comfort in choosing faith in that situation...and then great joy in discovering that she was perfectly healthy after all. Then the situation with our house in SC didn't go as planned, and spiralled downward until it went into foreclosure. That obviously wasn't supposed to happen! We still don't understand the plan there, and we certainly wish things we going down a much different path...but we still choose faith in God's providence over fear. In that, as well as in other situations this year, we don't claim to have achieved a perfect attitude of faith, but it's something that has grown our family by leaps and bounds this past year. May it continue to do so in this new year...but may God also have mercy in his teaching methods!
Happy New Year, everyone!
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