My boys are definitely ALL boy - the rough-and-tumble, energtic, roll-in-the-dirt, and loud variety. but sometimes they can still melt my heart.
Ryan told me a couple days ago, out of the blue, that the way to treat a horse is to use a "soft hand, a firm voice, a sunny attitude, praise and reward." He heard it from one of his Magic Treehouse CD's - the series he listens to for hours on end - but the way he said it, so assuredly and sweetly, he made me sigh happily. Every once in awhile, I ask him to repeat it for me, cherishing the sound of his little-boy voice say things like, "sunny attitude." Maybe it's just me. Probably you had to be there to fully appreciate it.
But it should be easier for everyone to understand the impact of Drew's comment over dinner. We were talking about the code of chivalry, specifically about the "women and children first" policy embraced by most of the men on the doomed Titanic. Aimee was saying that she didn't like how that seemed to make women "weaker" - she's going through a bit of a feminist stage, it seems - and so eventually I asked her what she thought the standard should be instead. This was a little tough for her, as she is just discovering at this point in this point in her life that it is quite easy to make sweeping philosophical statements, but another thing altogether to back them up. At any rate, after thinking it over, she said that maybe it should be "families first." Drew, who had been silent up to then, chimed in seriously, "Families should stick together. Because you wouldn't want someone to survive, just to live the rest of their lives in sorrow."
He really said that. And I really choked a bit on the bite of food I had just taken, and my eyes really did start to tear up right then and there.
Today they acted, sounded, smelled just like boys. And I love every inch of their dear little selves.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
In Which We Broach a Touchy Subject
"We don't celebrate Halloween."
The way many people react to that statement alone, you'd think we had said something like,
"We never let our children get within ten feet of candy," "We don't believe in letting them have fun," or "You're evil."
It's tiresome. We have family and close friends who celebrate the holiday in various fashions, and I think most of them respect our decision not to, the same way we respect their decisions, but this is still such a tricky (no pun intended) subject that those who abstain feel the need to walk on eggshells around it. It's hardly safe to make the above statement alone, much less to explain why, without people getting defensive.
For several reasons, this year seemed to be a harder one than others for my kids. They really wanted to know - again and again - why we don't do it, and can't we PLEASE?? So while we don't usually do anything at all on Halloween, I looked around for some kind of alternative event. After all, I have no objection to dressing up in costumes, having fun, or...ok, it's true. I do think candy is probably of the devil! But my kids still get to have some now and then. At any rate, I looked, and I found plenty of trunk-or-treat events, but no fall festivals or anything else completely removed from the trick-or-treating category. Still, I suggested that we might go to one. I didn't want to be legalistic and have the kids eventually become resentful.
But it never quite sat right. We believe that "...whatever does not come from faith is sin," so we feel like we need positive reasons to do a thing that might be considered a "gray" area. We have abstained from Halloween in the past because we believe that the festivities currently associated with it are too attached to the holiday's origins, and have no redeemable qualities. As I considered whether we could do something this year that we had previously not done, for those reasons, I went through all the reasoning for why we might do it, and it amounted to the following:
...The kids wouldn't feel left out.
...It would be fun.
...It's not necessarily "bad."
None of those are "from faith" reasons, particularly the last one. Just because something has an apparent absence of evil certainly does not make it a good thing. In fact, for us, it would be an unfortunate compromise of what we believe to be true, and therefore a decidedly bad thing. Actually I think the Bible uses a stronger term. It would be sin for us.
A few days ago, I also read this from Vision Forum, and it re-affirmed what we already knew to be true for us, and my mind was all the more made up. Dave and I talked it over again, and he felt the same way, and so just a couple days ago, I broke the news to the kids, bracing myself for the worst. In fact, I told them that I knew they would probably be angry, and that was ok. It was my fault for beginning to lead them down one road, and then abruptly changing directions. But they surprised me by shrugging it off and saying they didn't mind. When I told them that we had decided to do a Reformation party (of sorts) instead, and that we would have cake, balloons, and games to celebrate Martin Luther's birthday, they were excited. After dinner last night, we played Jenga and Twister (the latter of which caused hysterical laughter and fun), then cake while I read a little about the Reformers from The Church History ABC's, and the central theme was summed up well by the last statement about the last one we read about, "The Bible tells us everything we need to know, from A to Z." And with that, the night was over. It was easier than each of us thought, and the kids went to bed without any regret about missing anything. Dave and I went to bed with clear consciences.
I realize that just by posting this, I am risking bristly reactions. I am certainly not saying anything about anyone else's reasons for celebrating Halloween. As I said, we have family and friends who do. We assume that they do so "from faith." We don't get defensive when they talk about their Halloween plans. We wouldn't get defensive if they even explained their reasoning for their freedom to celebrate. But I confess, we do become weary from feeling like we can't even say that we don't, much less explain why, so that's all this post is.
Although....I still think candy is evil!
The way many people react to that statement alone, you'd think we had said something like,
"We never let our children get within ten feet of candy," "We don't believe in letting them have fun," or "You're evil."
It's tiresome. We have family and close friends who celebrate the holiday in various fashions, and I think most of them respect our decision not to, the same way we respect their decisions, but this is still such a tricky (no pun intended) subject that those who abstain feel the need to walk on eggshells around it. It's hardly safe to make the above statement alone, much less to explain why, without people getting defensive.
For several reasons, this year seemed to be a harder one than others for my kids. They really wanted to know - again and again - why we don't do it, and can't we PLEASE?? So while we don't usually do anything at all on Halloween, I looked around for some kind of alternative event. After all, I have no objection to dressing up in costumes, having fun, or...ok, it's true. I do think candy is probably of the devil! But my kids still get to have some now and then. At any rate, I looked, and I found plenty of trunk-or-treat events, but no fall festivals or anything else completely removed from the trick-or-treating category. Still, I suggested that we might go to one. I didn't want to be legalistic and have the kids eventually become resentful.
But it never quite sat right. We believe that "...whatever does not come from faith is sin," so we feel like we need positive reasons to do a thing that might be considered a "gray" area. We have abstained from Halloween in the past because we believe that the festivities currently associated with it are too attached to the holiday's origins, and have no redeemable qualities. As I considered whether we could do something this year that we had previously not done, for those reasons, I went through all the reasoning for why we might do it, and it amounted to the following:
...The kids wouldn't feel left out.
...It would be fun.
...It's not necessarily "bad."
None of those are "from faith" reasons, particularly the last one. Just because something has an apparent absence of evil certainly does not make it a good thing. In fact, for us, it would be an unfortunate compromise of what we believe to be true, and therefore a decidedly bad thing. Actually I think the Bible uses a stronger term. It would be sin for us.
A few days ago, I also read this from Vision Forum, and it re-affirmed what we already knew to be true for us, and my mind was all the more made up. Dave and I talked it over again, and he felt the same way, and so just a couple days ago, I broke the news to the kids, bracing myself for the worst. In fact, I told them that I knew they would probably be angry, and that was ok. It was my fault for beginning to lead them down one road, and then abruptly changing directions. But they surprised me by shrugging it off and saying they didn't mind. When I told them that we had decided to do a Reformation party (of sorts) instead, and that we would have cake, balloons, and games to celebrate Martin Luther's birthday, they were excited. After dinner last night, we played Jenga and Twister (the latter of which caused hysterical laughter and fun), then cake while I read a little about the Reformers from The Church History ABC's, and the central theme was summed up well by the last statement about the last one we read about, "The Bible tells us everything we need to know, from A to Z." And with that, the night was over. It was easier than each of us thought, and the kids went to bed without any regret about missing anything. Dave and I went to bed with clear consciences.
I realize that just by posting this, I am risking bristly reactions. I am certainly not saying anything about anyone else's reasons for celebrating Halloween. As I said, we have family and friends who do. We assume that they do so "from faith." We don't get defensive when they talk about their Halloween plans. We wouldn't get defensive if they even explained their reasoning for their freedom to celebrate. But I confess, we do become weary from feeling like we can't even say that we don't, much less explain why, so that's all this post is.
Although....I still think candy is evil!
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