How to Make Your Mom Go Crazy!

This works fantastically and can deliver quite a show sometimes. The more siblings you have to help you, the better!

1.You can start first thing in the morning. When you get dressed(make sure you wait until she's asked you several times, of course), pull lots of clothes out, leave the drawer open, and leave your pajamas on the floor. She will remind you nicely to clean it all up, but you will hear the strain in her voice already.

2.Change your mind several times about what you want for breakfast. As soon as she pours milk in your cereal, change your mind about that, too. In the end, eat about half of whatever it is you finally landed on. If you are a sensitive type, it helps to say you can't possibly eat when your little brother is so disgusting.

3.When you mom is cleaning up breakfast, begin to pull out toys in every room (if you are very young, dump them out emphatically, things with tiny pieces especially). Don't really play with them; just keep going on to the next thing. Roll around in the covers of her bed so she has to take extra time to make her bed as well.

4.When she is almost done cleaning up breakfast, sweeping up the last crumbs and blissfully unaware as yet of what you have been doing elsewhere in the house, go into the kitchen and say you're starving. This will get a great response!

5. When she asks if you've done your morning chores, act like you don't know what she's talking about. When she reminds you, act like you didn't know she meant you are supposed to do them every day. Be indignant and rail against the infringement of your rights.

6. Carry this over when she begins talking about school. Ask her why you have to do school SO early in the morning and ALL day long, NEVER going outside. It also works very well to insert the "I'm starving" comment here.

7. If you are too young for chores and school, continue to dump toys out. Pull out some puzzles, too. Then start throwing things at your older siblings to increase the chaos and distraction. OR, strip naked and find somewhere other than the toilet to pee.

8. When your older siblings begin to do schoolwork, begin to scream. Refuse to be comforted or distracted.

9. This is also a great technique if the phone rings and your mom gets up to answer it. Follow her and scream. Get a sibling involved and make up a conflict - over something like a stick from the backyard. When she finally hangs up, immediately cease to care about whatever prompted the fight.

10. When she takes a break and goes to the bathroom, all of you get together, and try to enter the bathroom, each with a different pressing question, such as, "Do you know where the arm of my Transformer is?"

11. When she finally offers you a snack, do not be happy about what she offers. Say you can't eat crackers, and in fact, have never liked crackers. If she offers you an alternative, say you don't eat that, either. When, in exasperation, she tells you to find something you DO like, ask for something like ice cream. She will draw the line, at which point you should rant about the fact that there isn't anything in the whole house you can eat. She might send you to your room to calm down, and after a few minutes there, you should come out and say you do like crackers after all.

12. If you went straight for the crackers and skipped the above, try at least to negotiate for the number of crackers you get - make sure you always ask for more than she gives you, and observe that you brother has more than you do. Insist on the latter, even if she proves otherwise. When you finally consent to eat, walk around, as this maximizes the crumb trail and makes is more difficult to clean up.

13. At some point she may ask you to GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY. Say it's too cold, too hot, or - the best one - that there's nothing to do out there. Ask to watch TV. If you watch something, ask for more TV. If she refuses, complain that you NEVER get to watch anything.

14. You could also go outside, as long as you go out and immediately begin arguing (very loudly) over something, again, like a stick. Then come back in, trailing lots of leaves. Go back out, then back in, then back out, then back in... This is especially effective when she is trying to put your little brother down for a nap.

There is, of course, so much more you can do, but usually by this time, your mother will hardly be able to put together a coherent sentence. Your efforts may result in fun outside time with your dad for a LONG while, followed by pizza for dinner.

Sometimes, though, it will all appear to work, and then suddenly your mother will look at you with that funny gleam in her eyes and kiss you and tell you she loves you even when things get wild. She might play a game with you and then make a real dinner for you, ignoring the mess. She'll even snuggle with your little brother as if he were the sweetest thing in the world, and not a terror who dumped toys and colored on the walls. Go figure. In that case, you can always try again tomorrow!

It's Too Much!

Right now I'm listening to a preschool version of the game Guess Who?

Ryan: "Does your person have a beard?"

Chase; "No. Yo person have... [unintelligible description]?"

Ryan: "Does your person have a beard?"

Chase: "No. Yo person have... [unitelligible description]?"

Sounds of the little gates flipping randomly.

Ryan: "Do you want to play again? Say yes."

Chase: "Yes!"

More flipping.

Ryan: "Does your person have a beard?"

and on and on...

Just in case...

I listed one of the books we were reading as simply "Despereaux," when actually it's titled "The Tale of Despereaux" (by Kate Dicamillo). I'm changing it now, just in case anyone might have been perusing our book lists. It's definitely a worthwhile read, and a perfect read-aloud. As we were reading it, we discussed such concepts as perfidy (one of the many great vocabulary words peppered throughout the book!) and forgiveness, the latter of which was highlighted beautifully in several touching examples.

On a totally different subject, by the way, I've been "tagged," and I haven't forgotten it, but I have found myself in the rather pathetic position of not knowing seven other bloggers to tag!

Overheard...

Drew, crying over the sad condition of one of our chickens who had been attacked (probably by her own vicious sisters): "It's hopeless, hopeless... She's going to DIIEEEEE!"

Aimee, reaching across the table to pat his hand, deep sympathy and sincerty in her voice: "It's not hopeless, Drew. Remember George Washington and Valley Forge? There's always hope!"

A lasting homeschool memory for sure.