Homeschooling in Real Life

Two posts in one day! With this one I return to my usual sort of topic.

I'm going to tell the truth - the last few weeks in particular, I have felt like a complete failure. I have been dismayed to watch our homeschooling year flying away from me, with far less getting done than it seems like ought to be done. Part of the problem, I think, is that I have been doing more lesson plans than I've done in the past several years, so we're probably doing much of the same sort of thing we've always done, and it just seems like less, because it's not in my plans. Whatever the case, I just feel like I am not cutting it, that I am stretched too thin, that I am far behind in just about every aspect, and that I am letting pretty much everyone down in everything I'm doing.

Now, please don't feel the need to make me feel better. I know it's not all true. I'm just admitting that I'm feeling that way. So it makes it all the more ironic - and yet, somehow, not - that I've found myself giving homeschooling advice on no fewer than three occasions in the past week. The first one was at the boys' gymnastics class, when one of the moms suddenly asked me, "Do you homeschool?" She began telling me how she is getting ready to switch from an online program to doing things herself next year. She asked me, somewhat nervously, if I taught all of them at the same time, and I laughed. She apologized for bothering me, and I had to collect myself. "No, no - it's not that, I promise. I don't mind talking homeschooling. It's just that...teaching them together. No, it's not really like that for us." I decided not to tell her about how "teaching" didn't really apply to anything we had done that day, and how it had felt like a bust of a day in general. I just talked about the value of reading and playing, reading and playing, and how trying to make homeschooling like "school" leads to frustration and failure. Ahem.

Fast forward to yesterday, when another mom at dance class said she had thought about homeschooling, and one of her boys really wants to be homeschooled, but he's the one (according to her) who would be the hardest. He's dyslexic and doesn't want to do the work, so it would always be a struggle. I didn't say much in this conversation, but I just thought about how that kid probably would do best homeschooling, if she would allow him an environment of a lot less pressure. I did mention, as always, that we don't do a lot of sit-down work. Also that afternoon, the neighbor from down the street came down to our end of the road to retrieve her toddler, and admitted, out of the blue and with some despair, "Ugh - I just don't know you do it, homeschooling everyone. I can't seem to manage just the one [in first grade]. I'm thinking about putting him in school. Is Chase reading? I'll bet he's reading really well." She cringed as she said it. Now, we haven't really had a great relationship with this neighbor family, but still, I don't like seeing moms under this kind of weight. I looked over at Chase, playing basketball barefoot. I said, "Um, no - whatever you're imagining, probably no." And we talked a little about not comparing to other people, not forcing things, and not doing things out of fear.

I  wonder what any of these moms would think about a typical day of ours, such as yesterday. Granted, we did a bit less than usual because it was such a gorgeous day, but it wasn't that far from normal. I went to the Y with one of the kids, and we worked out. We did some reading at various points in the day, talked about books we read, listened to audio books, and in Aimee's case, worked on writing some books. Aimee also worked on an essay about a book character, the one assignment I did insist on getting done. The ones who are studying for Bible quizzing did some studying on Romans (not light material). The boys played basketball with friends( and later with Dave until it was almost dark), rode bikes, and jumped on the trampoline. I took Chase to dance class, and we enjoyed some one on one time before and after he spent an hour learning a modern dance routine. I read aloud to him at one point, but the only reading he did was reading things on Minecraft and Dragonvale (which he can do surprisingly well. Hmmm).  At one point in the day, the boys took apart my old Kindle, which had been smashed a few months prior. There was hardly any sitting down at any point, and hardly any "teaching." Now, there are other days in which we tackle more technical subjects, and those can be good ones, too. But no matter what kind of day it is, the most learning happens when there is peace. And of course there are times when kids need a nudge here and there to be pushed past "I can't" and "It's too hard." There are times when deadlines can serve a purpose. But when we are prompted to do those things out of fear, or out of comparison, they are no good, and homeschooling is, in fact "too hard."

And how do we know when to push a bit, and when just to let the day happen? That's the trick, I guess, but I think it comes just from being with your kids, which is the real work of homeschooling. Just knowing them. Just being. No fear, no strife. Just life.