Popping the Bubble

I have had a few conversations lately, with a variety of people in a variety of venues (so if you're thinking I'm talking about you, I'm probably not talking about just you) about the issue of socialization and the "problem" of homeschooled children being too sheltered.

I admit that my first thought when I hear this is, "Really? Are we STILL talking about this?" Apparently enough studies can't come out indicating that homeschoolers - for the most part - do just fine in the areas of academics and social skills. Sure, we all know some shy, socially awkward homeschool kids, and we might point to some family practices that might have contributed to that. But don't we all know some socially awkward kids from EVERY schooling environment? There aren't a number of kids who come out of public schools who don't fit in and are ill-prepared for the "real world?" Sometimes this is due to excessive "sheltering," and sometimes it's due to exactly the opposite problem. Incidentally, the teenager responsible for the recent school shooting here in Ohio was described as "isolated" - in a school of hundreds. So this "sheltering" argument seems illogical and not well thought-out.

Also, I think we should be honest. Almost all parents shelter their children to some degrees. Do your kids play in busy streets? Do they hang out in bars? Do they stay up all night and eat whatever junk food they want? OR...do you have measures of safety for their bodies, minds, and souls? Do you teach them manners? Do you have some kind of moral code? Do you call that sheltering, or just common sense? Do you have an idea that you will gradually introduce them to the "real world" in age-appropriate ways as they grow and mature?

But that brings us to the matter of perspective. If you believe that the public school system is the default educational system, and that it is the normal rite of passage for an American child in this day and age, then you win - homeschooling is most certainly a "bubble." There's just no way we can recreate the same environment and experience. Homeschool kids just won't be exposed to the same number of kids each and every day, and to whatever ideas and issues those kids carry to school with them. However, if you believe that the responsibility of education begins with the parents, and that public school is just one option for carrying out that responsibility (and if, frankly, you understand that the modern public school system is relatively young and not the way American parents educated their children for decades before that), then you may have a different idea of what the "real world" is and of how to introduce your children to it. I keep putting that phrase in quotation marks because I think this is a rather vague idea. So I would like to know - really and truly - what people mean by the "real world." Again, if being aquainted with a classroom setting is a necessary part of the real world, then you're right - homeschoolers don't get much of that (although they don't seem to have trouble adjusting to college academics, so it must not take practice to be able to handle this). But I assume that what most people are talking about is real life in the adult world. There are many aspects to this, obviously, but in general, some of the desirable traits for a successful life as an adult are creative and critical thinking, acknowledgement of diversity, the possession of communication and conflict resolution skills, ingenuity, respectfulness, responsibility...I won't even make this about homeschooling versus brick and mortar schools. I'll just say that I fail to see how homeschooling makes it harder to develop these traits. Some of them are honed just by living in a family. Others by living in and interacting with - yes, I'm going to say it - THE ACTUAL REAL WORLD. We go the library, to the grocery store, to sporting and community activities. We go to church where there are kids who go to all the different kinds of schools. We have neighbors. And speaking of neighbors, our kids play with the neighbor kids sometimes (sometimes I also find them chatting with the adults, helping them with yardwork, or just talking about life). The boys used to play with the other neighborhood boys daily, actually, but I noticed this happening less and less. I asked one of the boys about it one day, and he said that some of the neighorhood boys weren't very nice when conflicts arose. In fact, after much questioning of all the kids, it turned out that when my son missed a pass in football, some of the other boys would berate him for being clumsy. When he didn't want to play something they were playing a couple of the boys would even call him a "retard." Conversations were also reluctantly reported to me in which some of the neighborhood kids gave my kids a hard time about being homeschooled, saying that they weren't learning nearly as much as the public school kids. So, there you go. My kids have been exposed to the "real world," to mean-spirited people with other values (clearly). Happy now?

Do you know what's ironic about this? When these neighborhood kids (not all of them - some are genuinely kind) were exposed to some diversity, they responded with belittling, bullying, and name-calling. And it's my children whose social skills are being questioned.


But anyway, the point is that being exposed to people of different values, age groups, and the like is not an issue. Learning conflict resolution is not an issue. Learning kindness and respect is a priority, the same way that I assume it is for most families. Learning critical thinking skills is something we approach every day. We talk about past events, good and bad, as well as current events, good and bad. We talk about politics, social issues, new ideas. We explore technology. We go places, see things, learn about where we live and about the people around us. We learn about other places around the world as we read things by about all kinds of different people, who write about all kinds of places, times, and events. Some of us even visit some of those different places around the world. (Visiting a foreign country, meeting and working with the people there, is hardly living in a "bubble.") Yes, we filter our life experiences through our worldview. Everybody does. Yes, we teach our children a particular set of values. Everybody does. But our children also know that other people live by different values. They know there are choices - and we know that ultimately they have to make choices about their own lives. They know that some people live differently, and some of those choices are truly wrong, while others are a matter of opinions. And our children are encouraged to form and express their opinions. Hopefully they will learn to do so in a respectful manner.

They aren't perfect people, and neither am I perfect parent. I'm sure I will miss something. They will have to learn some social skills the hard way, just as everybody does. But I appeal to the protesters of the "bubble" - be specific in your critique. What exactly do you find lacking in the way homeschooling introduces children to society? It may be that I don't have an immediate answer, or that my answer will just be at odds with the way you view the world, but at least we'll have had a logical, reasonable discussion about real things, not about vague terms with no basis.