Don't Be Smart

I'm not sure what reminded me of this today, but somehow today I remembered a little girl I used to babysit some years ago. She was about 4 or 5, and I remember once telling her that she was smart, to which she solemnly replied, "My mom says not to be smart." I was confused for a few minutes, until I realized that when her mom told her "Don't be smart," she meant, "Don't be disrespectful." I remember thinking that it was unfortunate that it was a poor word choice, since the little girl was really too young to understand the difference.

As I recalled this incident this morning, I thought about how smart children are, in fact, rather inconvenient to parents. Perhaps when parents say things like, "Don't be smart," they actually mean it, because smart, healthy children aren't easy to handle. They ask a lot of questions. They challenge statements and commands. They don't like to sit still or be quiet. They have opinions on everything. They have strong likes and dislikes. They're always hungry, always on the go, never content with "because I said so."

Now, I understand there's a need for some amount of order in a household, and we must teach our children manners and instill in them a sense of humility and respect. I'm also not saying there's not ever a time and a place for "because I said so." (But if you want your children to trust your judgement and respect your wisdom and authority, it's a good idea for YOU to put forth the effort toward being generally trustworthy and deserving of respect.) What I am saying is that it's good to remember that our children aren't here for our convenience. If we start to think of them as unruly things that need to be "handled," we've forgotten that they are actually young people with smart brains that crave knowledge and understanding and healthy bodies that need to move (and thus need to be fed. A lot.).

Let's don't squelch that which is good about our children. Let's don't tell them they can't be smart, can't be inquisitive, can't ask us to be reasonable, can't make noise, can't bounce and climb. Let's polish and hone, channel and nurture those qualities for sure.

But go ahead - let them be smart.