So let's get controversial today! Just for fun.
We have almost always struggled with the idea of age-segregated worship in church (or, for that matter, strict age segregation anywhere), and it's been on my mind even more recently. A few weeks ago, I watched Divided, a documentary on the subject that is decidedly anti- age segregation. Now, I will say that I think I'm not convinced that age-segregation is the cause of kids abandoning the church and the faith, but I think it runs parallel to the problem and is a reflection of what's going on. I'm also not (yet) convinced enough to make a decision on churches based solely on how they view this issue. Even the fact that I lean heavily toward the family integration side doesn't mean that I believe in throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, and getting rid of all children's and youth programs. I think kids do enjoy spending some time with their peers, doing activities as an age group, and that's probably true the older they are.
But occasionally the issue resurfaces to the forefront of my thinking, and these are the problems with which I grapple:
1. It seems that the first thing age segregation does is to began to tug at family relationships and roles, causing uncertainty and, ultimately, division. Once a program is in place for children and youth, it's decidedly more convenient if everyone goes where they're supposed to go. If there's a relationship, for instance, in which a baby or young child is not ready to be separated from the mother, this is a problem for the system. The mother feels uncomfortable taking the baby along with her, or in going along with the baby, and people in either situation are not quite sure what to do with the pair. Purely hypothetical scenario, of course... As children get older, the system tends to subtly usurp some parental roles and responsibility, rather than to focus on assisting the whole family spiritually.
2. Age segregation doesn't take into account anything but age. It doesn't take into account maturity levels, siblings and other family dynamics, or anything but...age! Since homeschooling generally relies more heavily on those other factors, rather than age, this puts us slightly against the flow. (So what's new?!)
3. Age segregation, along with segregating by life stages or any similar grouping, can perpetuate the generation gap(s). How can we learn from each other, if we're never together?
But, even as I say this, I don't have the solution. And just because I have these concerns doesn't mean I'm for or against any side (although, again, I have strong leanings in particular areas). So, simply for the sake of good discussion, of gleaning good ideas and encouragement from both sides of the topic, I'm curious to hear respectful and carefully phrased thoughts on this subject. Any takers?
4 comments:
Ok, I'll play :) I did watch Divided. While I have some issues with the source (we'll leave that alone for now) their conclusion about youth groups have matched my experience, both from my past and with my current teens.
I am not sure I would suggest or be happy with a completely age-integrated church system (I like that my 5yo can play and have story while we are at 'big church') but I think what exists in most mainstream churches right now goes too far for too long.
Completely seperating out the youth denies them the opportunity to learn from a group of their elders AND it emphasizes both the idea that 'their parents can't possibly understand what it's like to be young the way the youth minister does' and that it is the normal path to hold on to the 'fun and games' aspect of life and not really grow up spiritually or in a practical sense (I'm not anti-fun, just anti-fun-as-the-focus).
I do think it also give parents the idea that it's the norm to just hand their kids off to the childrens/youth program and not be the primary spiritual teacher of their children.
This is tough because I see age segregation in society, just like the recent debates about whether it should be OK for restaurants to ban children. I really feel it is caused by society, effects society, and leaks through to so much more than just age segregation. I am in general against excluding children and mothers.
However, it's harder to have an opinion on it in church because I've never actually experienced it. The churches I grew up in and the one I go to now, keep families together for mass. They do family events and they make sure families are included. They do have segregation, to an extent, based on ages for the education portion. These are based on grades but people have never had issue with you enrolling your child in another grade instead, holding a child back, holding them out. I think that is more for ease of grouping or teaching. I do not think I could handle a church that "required" segregation. I have enough issues with that in public school (whole other topic). Luckily I do not think that is a problem I will have to encounter in the near future because of my religion.
It's possible certain religions are more apt to this than others. I know other religions that are way more family friendly than my own. I wonder why different religions have such different ideas for this?
It IS so hard to find a church with a good balance. I really don't like the family seperation deal at all, but generally just tolerate it. I remember one older woman who led a women's bible study (at someone's home) asked me to leave my 5 month old nursing baby at home! Because the other women got child care she said. Needless to say....On the other hand, family integrated can be so legalistic with it that you feel guilty for having your child more than ten feet from you, ever.
I strongly agree that age separation inhibits relationships between generations and all that can be learned and appreciated in those relationships. Taking for granted that age is a deciding factor to the commonalities between peers is a mistake, as you noted. Maturity, background, family dynamic and lifestyle differentiate peer groups. This is a double edged sword, as differing groups again have much to learn from one another, while separating based on age is more limiting than providing opportunity for growth.
What Elizabeth said is so important: “I do think it also give parents the idea that it's the norm to just hand their kids off to the childrens/youth program and not be the primary spiritual teacher of their children.”
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