Why We Do What We Do - Part 1

I have long been meaning to write on our parenting, hoping very much, however, to avoid something like a treatise on parenting in general - as, after all, I know very well that we aren't anything like perfect parents, and we aren't even done, so it would be highly presumptive of me to offer advice before being able to present finished products. Anyway, since we are talking parenting philosophy, it is rather against mine to suggest that a particular way of doing things will guarantee a finished product, or that, conversely, a negative, or even just unexpected, result is necessarily a result of bad methods- as far children are concerned, at any rate.

Instead, what I've been hoping to do is to offer an explanation of why we do what we do. Our parenting has almost always been at least a little off the beaten path of most modern parenting styles, and sometimes I think people assume we just don't know what we're doing - when in fact, if we're different, we're different on purpose. We have thought about it, still think about it, and feel strongly about most of it.

So if you wanted to know what in the world we're thinking when we do some of the things we do, then read on. I'll be posting in installments. If you don't care, or still think I'm being highly presumptive, then do skip. I don't want to bore anyone, neither am I trying to convert anyone, particularly since it's often the very nature of parenting that once we think we have things figured out, we realize that we were wrong.

Everything we do as parents, first of all, stems from a desire to raise godly children. Our children are souls (not just superfluous children in an "overpopulated" world), given purposeful life by their Creator, and we take that very seriously. At the same time, we know that these people have hearts and wills of their own. It's our job to immerse them in a Biblical worldview to the best of our ability, to teach and direct them in God's principles, but we know that ultimately, they will make their own choices and will face God on their own. Furthermore, while the Bible is very clear that carefully raising and disciplining our children is our job, it is less specific on the details. We are careful and purposeful, therefore, to avoid confusing the details a culture provides, with ones that are God-ordained, and in fact, we often find ourselves challenging the culture - even the our American church culture - in regards to matters of parenting that have been turned upside down from the very normal expectations we believe God has of us.

One of those that we face on a regular basis is that of family size - or family planning, or birth control, or however you wish to categorize it. From as soon as I was informed enough to think of it, I never had peace about active. modern birth control. I have grown and mellowed enough over the years that I don't feel it necessary at all to project this onto everyone, but what I do feel passionately about is that birth control should not be viewed as something that God requires of us. And I find it extremely interesting that while God almost always refers to children (and many of them) as blessings, and gives many cautions about the potential evils of money, I have never heard anyone say, with a critical eye, "So how much money do you think you're going to make? Don't you think you have enough of it?"
Of course, it is also perfectly natural to be in a place in which it would seem rather inconvenient, if not impossible to have a baby (or to have another one, whatever the case may be). It's a shame, in that case, that so many young women have no understanding whatsoever of the very natural rhythms and checks that God has placed in our own bodies - and indeed, whenever someone says "natural," and endless succession of pregnancies comes to mind, as if we don't trust God to do better than allow our bodies and our finances to be run to ruin. I am sorry to say that I find this actually to be true of many Christians today.
I am not, I would like to stress again, saying that I regard the use of birth control as error in itself (for everyone else), just incorrect assumptions about it. Another one of those assumptions is that birth control is what you use if there's no way in the world, financial or otherwise, that you could possibly have a baby. If that is true, then for heaven's sake, you had better NOT engage in particular activities. Very few methods are 100% percent effective, after all.

So - yes, we DO know how we ended up with four kids (wink, wink - as if it's appropriate at all for complete strangers to make remarks about our private lives); yes, we know we have our hands full; and no, we don't know how many we're going to have. We don't think it's our responsibility to dictate the number, there are very definite reasons (some of which I have omitted, in an effort to avoid too much controversy here) we choose to avoid artificial means of doing so.