School Post, Part 2

Incidentally, I was not, in my last post, making fun of or otherwise disparaging the child in question as I was illustrating the frenetic downward spiral our mornings often take. I wanted to be quite clear on that. But I did forget to mention myself closing the math book in a huff and announcing in frustration that Daddy would have to take someone to the nearest public school for enrollment. Oh, dear. A handful of M&Ms and a heartfelt apology was in order after that particular incident. It's not as if public school is the worst thing in the world, but it isn't fair, as I mentioned already, for me to be constantly unsure about what we're doing, and much more so for me say it out loud (which I absolutely hadn't meant to do). It makes going to school sound like a punishment, and it leaves a person who craves a solid foundation feel insecure, which certainly doesn't help matters in the least.

I also didn't reiterate that this student does very well when all cylinders of a good, unchanging, and highly structured routine are firing. It is making sure that they are that is the main trouble, as well as making sure we know what all that routine needs to entail, because this person, as I've mentioned in the past, can be somewhat complicated. I've been thinking once again that I may need to seek counseling again. We had gone a couple of years ago, and had been promptly referred to a psychiatrist, at which point all members of my support system in the process took some steps back, unsure if that was really the course to take. Indeed, I myself didn't want to begin down a path that might overdiagnose and overcomplicate the situation, and some things did get better. But I have wondered lately if we have been coping with and accepting as normal some behavior patterns that may rear up in uglier and more unmanageable ways later. I have done it all my life, after all, and have allowed some abnormal anxiety habits to define not only my life but that of my family. I don't want to make constant excuses for myself or to wallow around with a crippled mentality, of course, and I don't want my child to do it. But there are certainly things I should have dealt with, for everyone's benefit, early on, and I don't want to let similar things slide in this growing person's life, hoping they will be able to suck it up or grow out of it, to that individual's great detriment later.

Yes, I am just trying to convince myself of the best thing to do - to your detriment, no doubt, if you are still reading!

But you know - I am actually thankful for these complicated and not-so-easy children, because they are all highly intelligent people who know what they want, do not let themselves be pushed around, and can articulate their thoughts and desires with often astounding clarity. Sure, it means that homeschooling hasn't been as "easy" as perhaps I thought it would be and sleep has always been at a premium around here, because, I believe, no one stops thinking for very long. My mom has observed more than once that we don't have any truly laid-back children, and I have to agree with her. But I wouldn't trade them for anything (forgive the cliche) - and I think I may actually survive raising them.