Tennessee

Well, we had a great time once we got up there (sitting in traffic for over thirty minutes in Asheville with a screaming and inconsolable baby was not so fun!). We went out on the lake Saturday with my mom, Aunt Debbie, Uncle David, and Patrick, Uncle Mark, Aunt Paige, and Collin, and my grandmother (known to the kids as "Grapes", which was toddler Aimee's attempt at "great-grandmother"), and that was as fun as it's always been. I wish my sisters and other cousins could have been there to complete the picture, though, and I really felt my dad's absence keenly, too (although I guess it would have been awkward for him - curse the day that became our reality!). Chase was more agreeable than one could ask any baby to be. He sat happily in people's laps most of the time without making a sound, nursed every once in awhile, and slept a little - from about 11 until 6! The other kids had a blast, too, although Ryan really doesn't like the water much. He was, however, extremely entertaining! Drew isn't much of a water person, either, but he did some swimming and tubing, and he seemed to really enjoy exploring as far as he was allowed to go every time we beached (my dad would have appreciated it!). Self-assured Aimee loved tubing especially - by herself and fast, she insisted - and had a good time overall, but she did come crashing down in flames from her camp high Friday, and we struggled with it off and on all weekend. We were so happy to see her, and she was happy to be back, but transitions definitely aren't her thing, and her difficulty with that manifested itself in both some predictable and mind-boggling ways. I didn't handle it as effictively as I could have, either - for one thing, the boundaries become a little blurry and I lose some leverage anytime we're somewhere other than home. Then also when I'm with family I tend to forget I'm a grown-up, and I become a little defensive and less confident at the same time. I know, though that I need to learn to strike the supreme balance in being confident of the parenting abilities I've gained in being the one who knows my children best, while also taking suggestions that may be helpful. Hmm...wonder if I'll ever really achieve that! :-) But balance is the thing, and a particularly challenging thing with Aimee. I realize that there are some pretty challenging obstacles she has to overcome, but of course in dealing with those she must still achieve self-control and a respectful attitude, as do we all. And that's the crux of the issue! I feel I am not just letting her get away with behavior we need a better grasp on and I'm not making excuses for her, and if if appears that I am at times, it may be because I already know what works and what doesn't. "You just need to [fill in the blank]" may not be as simple as it appears it should be. Especially with incidents in public, I feel like the best thing to do is avoid a showdown and save the bulk of the guidance and discipline for quiet moments at home, even though it then appears I'm letting really intolerable behavior slide. And what about that guidance and discipline? I feel like we really have learned some things that work, and if we can ease into school this week, I'm going to try to keep focusing on positive guidance. I'm going to try to enforce a fairly inflexible (reliable) schedule, because I know she thrives on that. I've tried to be more relaxed with this, because after all, it's homeschooling and we're just in the grammar stage, but apparently flexibility just makes things too uncertain and therefore all the harder for Aimee. I like schedules, too, so...whatever works! I know the boys won't really fit well into this, but at least Aimee can have something to stick to for herself. Though there will still be some consequences for bad behavior, as there must be, I'll try to focus on having her earn privileges with good behavior instead - starting from the ground up, instead of the other way around. I think that helps her focus on a positive goal and therefore may reinforce good and pleasant behavior all the way around. Of course that still leaves us with how to help her cope with bad feelings, changes in the plan, and dissapointments, etc. in an acceptable way. I think that's where we still need some extra help. I know that God didn't leave her with anything that would make it too hard for her to live the way he asks her to live, so we keep praying, and we do still see his hand and guidance in her and in our parenting.
Speaking of his hand, the soul that is Drew is still the most sensitive to him, I believe, and full of a great potential. Drew told me a few days ago, and indicated something like it later to my mom, that he is a prophet. We'll see, I guess, but wow - I'm always struck by the depth in his soul.
Back down to earth, we're still battling a nastty stomach bug from ten days ago. Ryan has been sick off and on, and poor Aimee was violently ill again this morning, after being completely well at camp. I'm sanitizing the whole house this morning!