A Study in Contrasts

We were at Chipotle Wednesday night to celebrate Dave's recent promotion at work and also to avoid having to clean up the kitchen on a busy night. And also just because it's out favorite place to eat and we jump at any excuse to go there. (Why yes, that is a grammatically incorrect sentence! But I'm sticking with it.) We were sitting at tables near the ordering line, which usually gets pretty long there and is an excellent source of people-judging people-watching.Just as we began our dinner and had a moment to commence judging watching, a family came in and the mother immediately snarled at her two young children. "We're in line no, so NO talking, NO pushing," etc. Basically they were to do absolutely nothing but breathe and move forward in the line behind their parents.

So of course... after a minute or so, they ran out of the line and began doing laps around the restaurant.

I'm not exaggerating! Laps, punctuated by squeals of laughter (which granted, in Chipotle doesn't really matter, because it's quite loud). The mother, for all her harsh words, looked highly annoyed, but did nothing at first. Then her patience ran out, and she went after them, leaving the rather passive father still waiting in line. As we watched this unfold, Dave said under his breath, "Uh-oh!," because indeed, this nicely dressed, apparently well-to-do woman looked positively dragonish as she prepared to descend on her unruly brood. And then...she did absolutely nothing. I think she snarled (again) at them to stop, but then returned to the line, still looking annoyed, but without her children, who were out of control and narrowly missing collisions with other customers.

So that didn't go so well, obviously, and there appeared to be several red flags about the dynamic in this family. I doubt that the unruly behavior and complete lack of response from the children toward the parents is only due to the completely unreasonable expectations and demands from the parents, but I'm guessing that's part of the reason.

Consider, for example, the next family in line. There were two parents and a young boy, and while they waited in line, the father joked and laughed with the boy, and they rough-housed just a bit, pretending to put each other in headlocks and mimicking punches. They didn't disturb anyone else in line, and weren't too loud, but the father, whether consciously or not, appeared to understand and respect the boy's natural need to move around and to make physical contact. Occasionally the mom sighed and looked a little worried that what they were doing was disruptive - and I completely understand that - but she didn't interfere, and the family made it to the counter to order. And I hope she was able to realize later what Dave and I saw so clearly - that what went on between the father and son was just the opposite of disruptive!

It reminded me of another parent/child scene I witnessed at Kroger a few days prior. A woman was checking out with her daughter, who was three or four, and apparently the little girl was not being particularly helpful, because at one point, the woman snapped, "All you have to do is stand there and do nothing! Is that too hard?" Hopefully this young mother was just having one of those "off" moments. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was just tired and that she made it up to her daughter later. Because yes, is is too hard for a little person to "stand there and do nothing." I think there are few adults, actually, who would be able to follow someone around, without saying a word or without wanting to participate in what that person was doing. Would you? And these little people have so much life and energy. So to you parents who recognize the good in that life and energy and who channel it in positive ways, like the father with his son, keep it up! And to the harried mothers who just want to get out of the store, breathe deeply and know that in the grand scheme of things, it's more important to be kind to those precious people who love you and trust you than to get through checkout smoothly. And to the parents who just don't want to be disturbed ever - well, I'm not sure what you should do! But I feel badly for you and for your children, because you're squashing a really wonderful part of life.

P.S. Writing this probably means I'm due for a humbling library or store moment!