That Time of Year

It's that time of year again. For many - for most, I would venture to say - Halloween is one of the pleasures of fall. For us, it's what makes this time of year rather difficult for our family. We don't celebrate Halloween in any way, shape, or form. We try not to make a big deal about it, and we completely respect the freedom of fellow believers to celebrate it. (So please hear me - this is not a commentary on anyone's choices but ours). Our kids understand our choice, and the reasons behind it, and respect it for the most part (even taking a stand themselves) but still, some years are harder than others, and I think this is going to be one of those years.

I had a conversation with one of my children about it last night. We talked again about why we've made this choice, and about any reasons that might change our mind to allow us to be less...well, weird on this occasion. So first - the reasons we don't celebrate. I'm pretty sure I blogged about this last year, but we have some new friends this year, so I'll explain them again. After all, my kids have to do this almost daily through the month of October each year. It boils down to two main reasons:

1. The current Halloween traditions seem to us to be too closely tied to their origins. Even the most harmless are echos, bu pretty clear ones, of their original forms. They have no other meaning. There are some Christmas traditions for instance, that may have also had pagan roots, but they are, to me, redeemable. They have other expressions and can relate other meanings. Now, we have some friends who don't even do those things, because of those pagan roots, and we completely respect and understand that. But - TO ME - there seems to be no redeemable value to any of the Halloween traditions.

2. Even the most "harmless" traditions don't seem very harmless. I see no positives about spending money on costumes and going door to door to ask for things - indeed, not just things, but candy, which, if you know me at all, you know I regard as the food of the devil, anyway. I JOKE. (Mostly.)

And that brings to any reasons we might change our mind about this. This is so hard for me each year. Every once in awhile , one or more of my children will ask if we can please just this once go trick or treating. Just this once! I hope they believe me when I tell them that this really does tug at my heartstrings, and that I have no desire whatsoever to make them unhappy. So each year I consider our options. Is there any way we can make this easier? Is there anything we can allow them to do that gives them the fun without compromising our convictions? Last night I asked the child in question to provide some of these answers, if they could. After a good talk, the most I got was, "I just really want to, just once," "It doesn't seem that bad - I don't understand what the big deal is," and "So-and-so is doing it, and you like that person!" And I explained, in turn, why that isn't enough. I want my kids to be happy. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable and out of place for the entire month of October. I want them to have fun. But that's not enough. The fact that we have good friends who celebrate Halloween, to various degrees, isn't enough. Nor is the "what's the big deal" approach a good enough reason to overturn our convictions in this matter. We have to be able to do something because it is a good thing to do. It may be that one day I have to relent in some area in order to prevent a greater problem of simmering resentment - I don't know. I do know that this year isn't the time.

I have no desire to be legalistic or alarmist about Halloween. I hope my kids know that, as well as our friends and family who make a different choice about this holiday. When the subject comes up, I tell my children that when they grow up of course they will be free to make a different choice, too. Unfortunately, that's little consolation for them when they are struggling with being the only one (in the whole wide world, and probably even the universe) who doesn't celebrate Halloween. I am truly sorry about that. The child with whom I had this most recent conversation wanted to know if I had thought about how hard this would be for them when I made this decision, and I can say that I absolutely did know how hard it would be. My sisters and I grew up the odd ones out each Halloween, having to mutter some unintelligible response each time a chipper cashier asked us what we were going to be that year. Oh, I know. I lived through it, obviously, but again, not much consolation for the ones enduring it now. I hope that no matter what they decide when they grow up, they will at least know that, as always, we did the best we could with the information we had. I hope that they will be able to respect the fact that we tried to weigh all that information with an open mind, and that we stood by our convictions when it seemed that was what we had to do. I hope!