Being Free

Despite the rather lofty title, this isn't a post with great spiritual or emotional significance - sorry to have misled you! With it, I actually refer to the more mundane; to be more specific, to food. I posted some time ago about eliminating dairy from my diet for Scarlett's benefit, as she seemed to have a sensitivity to it at the time. It turned out I felt worlds better being off dairy myself so even when she appeared to grow out of her sensitivity, I continued a mostly dairy free diet. I give myself one "cheat" meal a week (usually pizza on Friday night!) ,and use butter on occasion (soy margarine works quite well in recipes, but I don't feel entirely comfortable using soy on a regular basis, and I am still experimenting with coconut oil as a replacement), but other than that, I avoid any dairy products on their own or in other foods. Avoid is probably the wrong word, actually. It sounds like I make great sacrifice to do so, when the truth is that I don't miss it at all. I have tried milk in my coffee only once or twice since I began my dairy free journey, and I have found that I can barely stand the taste and that it makes me feel ill afterwards. I have even cut the amount of cheese on my Friday night pizza in half, because I not only crave it less, but have gradually found it to be less appetizing at all. I don't even miss ice cream. Truly. So for me, it doesn't feel like a "free" sort of diet. I simply choose other foods instead, and am happy with them.


I take this to mean that my body probably doesn't handle dairy well and doesn't need it, for reasons that I can't see outright. But I have still been fighting a battle against eczema, an enemy that has has attacked me with increasing frequency and ferocity over the years, and eliminating dairy hasn't helped in that war. I have tried just about every natural remedy anyone has ever suggested or that I've ever researched on my own....to no avail. Things that work like magic for other people have had no effect on me - even with initial improvement, the eczema has always crept back up and taken over, usually with a vengeance. I had been talking with my doctor here about it, though, and she has been most helpful in having me consider what kind of internal inflammation would be causing this. Whereas before, I considered it only a skin-deep fate/doom, she has always prompted me to think about what's going on internally that would cause an external reaction. And so I recently talked with her about what might be next on the diet list to try, since dairy wasn't the culprit - or the sole culprit, perhaps.

And she said what I had heard before, but what I hoped she wouldn't say - gluten. Eliminating gluten seemed much more intimidating than eliminating dairy. It seems like everything has gluten in it! But at the time we discussed this, I was seeing her for a very bad bout with my eczema, one that reminded me how desperately I wanted to be rid of it. So I left that day, determined to give a gluten free trial a go, and I started the next day. The first week was really dreadful, at first because I hadn't really prepared for it, so there was nothing to eat. Then even as I stocked up on good foods with no gluten, I still had an empty, gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, no matter how much I ate of them. Into the second week, I wondered if I was just really missing something vital, or if gluten was such an addictive substance that I was having withdrawal. Since that feeling eventually passed, I think, alarmingly, that it was the latter. But even as I felt better, I was a bit dismayed to read one night that a proper gluten free trial should last TWO MONTHS, and I confess, I didn't think I could make it that long. More reading and research, though, led to finding gluten free flours, and other subsitutes and tricks of cooking and baking, and as the weeks went on, I found I could live quite nicely, in fact, on a gluten free diet.

Cut to three months later, and I am still strictly gluten free and finding, as I did with the dairy, that I don't miss it. Some things I actually prefer. And best of all, I feel much , MUCH better off of it. Really, I had no idea it was dragging me down so much. As for the eczema, there is no sign of it. The winter months are approaching, and that's typically when I have my worst bouts, so we'll see, but at the moment, I'm quite pleased with the results. In fact, when we were at the beach a couple weeks ago, I woke up one morning feeling foggy and sluggish, with a rash starting on both wrists. I thought about what I had eaten the day before, and couldn't think of any problem foods, but a little research revealed that the grilled chicken I had had on my salad for dinner had been seasoned with gluten-laced seasoning. I know that makes it sound like poison...but that's actually how it felt! It was good to get a confirmation that I am on the right track.

So...here I am, "free" dairy and gluten, and actually glad of it. Often in fat-free or sugar-free foods, the replacement is something even worse, and taste and nutrition are often compromised, so I don't really like the "free" connotation. I'm really just choosing something else, and those choices mean almost no processed foods..They mean that I eat lots of fruits and vegetables, nuts, roasted meats, and "ancient" grains. Almonds are my best dietary friends, really, as I use almond milk and almond meal which is absolutely key in my gluten free baking! Check out this chocolate cake, for instance. Does it look like a sacrifice? It isn't.
I will say that the one area in which I have not found happiness in with pasta. I hate gluten free pasta. Corn pasta is tolerable, rice pasta is just really awful, although with careful cooking and rinsing, it can be made passable, and quinoa pasta is no good, either. I can eat it, but it's the one time I'm left feeling like I've missed out.

However, that's a sacrifice I'll still make for the sake of well-being, and certainly one I'll make if it means I've actually won the war against my eczema (or have at least turned the tide). I get practically giddy contemplating the notion that it might actually be gone for good. In that case, it won't feel like sacrifice at all. It will feel like really, truly being free!