My mom brought my grandmother and some of my nieces and nephews for a visit last weekend, which was wonderful, and one night, she and I stayed up late watching IndoctriNation (I hesitate to mention that I own and really like that documentary, because just saying so will probably create controversy, but this is my blog, so...that's just that) and talking about homeschooling and parenting and how there are no guarantees, whether you do everything just right (if that were possible) or not. We mentioned one of my kids and his penchant for science trivia, how he seems he could be on a path to success, but...what if he isn't? What if his path turns toward a life we couldn't have imagined for him, and not for the better?
And I thought about that again this past weekend when he planned a family sunrise service for Easter morning. He selected hymns to sing and a passage of Scripture to read, and I loved seeing his heart. A family member once said she thought (and hoped, I think) he might become a pastor when he grows up. You know, I confess that made me feel a little ill. It's such a huge responsibility, with such potential for attack. I don't really want that for him. But it's true that he loves God's Word already and that he has a certain amount of spiritual knowledge and discernment that could lend itself to some sort of ministry. He seems to have so many possibilities. He's so smart, he has deep faith - he has all kinds of potential.
But what if?
What if he makes choices that derail the potential, that turn his path, that seem to undo the virtues and character we are working so hard to build in him? What if any one of my children choose a different life than the one we hope they each have? What if there are disappointments, great or small?
What if it seems we have failed?
It could happen. It does happen. Godly parenting, no matter how close to perfect it seems someone might get it, isn't a guarantee for godly children. Homeschooling isn't an infallible recipe for academic or moral "success." Sometimes our children will make choices that are different than we had imagined for them, whether that difference is just a matter of opinion or one with much greater implications. I know this is true. When I think about it, it hurts my heart to wonder about it, especially to wonder, which one? Which one might stray, even to the point of leaving the faith?
I can't really answer the "what if" sort of questions, not completely, because we're not there yet. We can still just cherish the potential. But as I thought about this yesterday, watching my son's passion for his faith (his young, untested faith - I know, I know), I had to check that fear and wondering. It's not bad to have dreams for their future, and it would be sad and unnecessary, on the other hand, to turn hard and cynical about all the unhappy possibilities. So I think, as in most things, we have to strike a careful balance. Enjoy watching the potential in our children, dreaming about what kind of fruit it might yield later - but not placing our trust in those dreams. Teach them, hope for them, pray for them - but know that they belong to God. And in the meantime, just enjoy who they are right now. This particular son won't always make the right choices, and he may even make some heartbreaking ones later. Oh, I hope he doesn't! I hope he does make the very best of what God has given him. I hope he gives his future to his Creator, as well as the present. But since all I have is the present, I can enjoy that now wholeheartedly. I can listen to his string of "Did you know?" questions and answers, and love that about him now. I can see his faith, and love that, too. Who he is right now is a smart, interesting person.
It's easy as a parent to look ahead, to pour so much of ourselves into the future for our kids. It's easy to miss what's happening in the present, and that's certainly true of homeschooling. The potential for disappointment can be great, if all we are working for is academic success and spiritual fruit. We may get that, and we may not. It's not that those are wrong things to hope for, of course, but in the planning, hoping, praying, working, I would encourage us all not to miss what's good about the journey. Are our days (overall) peaceful, enjoyable ones? Do we enjoy our children just as they are right now, without strings attached? I hope so!
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