Observations on the Spectrum of Self-Esteem...

I know that comparing children is a parenting faux pas, but this is really just me marvelling at differences in personalities... I've mentioned that I've had difficulty with Drew complaining that he "just can't do" first grade, etc, and for me, it's highlighted something in the kids I hadn't noticed so keenly before. He's not always so emotional about feelings of perceived failure, but I've realized that his angle has always been in that direction - if he struggles with something, it's because he feels that HE is flawed in some way. In the almost polar oppostite direction is Aimee, who has no self-esteem problems whatsoever. I've always loved that she is so secure and self-confident, even though sometimes her incredible strong will often leads to conflict. Until recently, however, while watching her more closely because of paying more attention to Drew's self-esteem issues , I hadn't noticed how completely free of insecurity she really is. She had a horse riding lesson last week which didn't go very well at all - she couldn't control the horse and wasn't paying attention or following through. She was in tears later, but only because she was frustrated that the horse was so stubborn (her teacher had said that the horse was the most easy-going on the the farm). I kept quiet and resisted the impulse to say something motherly and wise - that would really just be ill-recieved correction and advice - but noted how amazing it was that Aimee never once questioned her own actions or abilities, and was not crushed by her teacher riding her rather sternly. She was simply angry that the horse hadn't been cooperative and the teacher hadn't been more understanding. (It was hot, and there were gnats, for heaven's sake!) And then tonight, she wanted to help peel potatoes for dinner but was having trouble figuring out the potato peeler. If it had been Drew having such difficulty, he would have thrown it all down and stormed out with something like, "I'm just no good at peeling potatoes! I can't do anything!" But Aimee came out with something astonishly amusing when she exclaimed in indignation, "This potato just won't peel!" There was no way anyone could have told her she was doing it incorrectly - and I didn't try. Eventually she figured it out herself, but I shuddered a little to think how hard lessons in humility will be for her down the road. On the other hand, she won't be afraid to tackle anything, and she'll be able to take criticism without crumbling -indeed, if she listens to some of that correction, she will be all the better for it.

But I love watching these things emerge in my children. Some of the traits I recognize as coming from myself, and some of them come from something I've never known, something that was knit in my kids from the beginning and makes them totally unique. What is in those young ones right now, at nearly midnight, I don't know, as they are bouncing all over the place and appearing to be far from settling down!