First Trip of the Summer

I haven't gone into any detail about this - or, for that matter, even introduced it at all - but for a variety of reasons my slight natural aversion to getting out of the house (for real, an inherited family trait) has become a very pronounced aversion this year. It's also true that other related anxieties, and the therapy I'm undergoing to help with them, have revealed just how pervasive that aversion had already become. At any rate, what that means is that I haven't travelled more than 10 miles away (and usually no more than about 5) in months, and thus that the hour-long trip I've committed to today, with several excurions once we get there and then a return home tomorrow, is looming ahead of me as if it were an expedition into dangerous and unexplored territory. My mom, who for the record is definitely not the carrier of this family trait, wants to have "Grandmama Camp" with the older kids, and asked if I could just take them up there. I know I restrict my children's world to some degree with my issues, but I do try to make a deliberate effort as many times as I can to push through and overcome for their sake (the kids' I mean), and this seemed to be one of those times it would be ridiculous and unfair of me to refuse. Dave also agreed with me that I really did need to make a sacrifice simply for the sake of going to see family and friends, especially since one of my dearest friends up that way is expecting a baby at any time now and I don't know when I'll have another opportunity (forced upon me!) to go see her. The highlight of "Grandmama camp" is a trip to Carowinds tomorrow morning, and my mom asked me if I could stay and help her with that - another request I could not refuse, know will be good for me, and yet one that raises my stress level a little. So I've been preparing for this all week - and indeed, at this very minute I ought to be packing! - and we plan to leave in a few hours, first for the swimming area at the lake with our playgroup, then for my mom's. Hopefully at some point I'll be able to go see my friend, who can only be several more times desperate to deliver her 11-day "late" baby than I am for her to do so, and her crew with its new addition. Tomorrow morning is Carowinds, in another direction - take another deep breath! - then I'll return home with the little boys. It's a good deal of driving for me, and, confessing another carefully-kept secret, I have had panic attacks while driving lately, so those of you who do, please pray that I'll have calm throughout this trip. In the car with four children is no place or time to freeze and lose my head!